Come closer tonight.
You are brilliant and terrifying,
but you do not scare me.

red.
I met you in the spring.
fresh flowers,
fresh fruit,
fresh feelings.
strawberries were my favorite until I met you.
pink skies told stories my mouth couldn't,
losing where I began and you'd end
we looked like complementary angles.
I swear everyday was 90 degrees.

orange.
sun kissed skin disguises itself as the brightest star in the galaxy upon my black sheets.
tracing the planets on your skin,
your freckles begin to resemble the big dipper.
knowing no matter where I am,
looking at you I'll know I'm close to home.
exploring where no one ever has.

yellow.
stars burn out every night,
leaving no suicide note to ease the minds of astronomers.
when you compared our love to the sun,
a massive star,
i considered that a good bye.
because eventually, some day, without warning,
the sun will die out.
what will happen to earth?
will it freeze over until another miracle happens?
will it survive for generations to come?
I don't have the answer, neither do you
When you compared our love to the sun,
a mass of unlivable temperature,
I shuddered.


green.
Ants march onto our blanket, declaring war.
We've been on their territory for almost 3 hours now,
maybe almost 3 days,
I wonder if in 3 years will I be as content as I am in this moment.
ants with Napoleon complexes steal my sandwich crumbs,
Blades of grass pierce my skin,
Surrounded the innocent laughter of children who know not what the world has at store for them.
These small things do not exist when I'm in your presence.
All I can focus on are the stories etched on your skin,
the insecurity in your smile,
and the innocence of our intertwined hands.

blue.
I still remember the day you compared yourself to water.
Saying that your life was a cycle,
Going through the motions was all you knew.
everyday I would drink you in and still end up parched.
I wanted more of you.
I dove head first into your sea,
not knowing there was glass on the bottom.
Ignoring the salt water in my wounds, I treaded along.  
Poseidon had a death wish on you.
There were days where I found myself gasping for air,
drowning in everything about you,
sinking,
I wished for stronger bones to ease the pressure afflicted on me.
constantly breaking my back for depths you didn't knew existed.
I think I died long before I was washed onto shore.


Indigo.
Two people, one heart.
We've been going back and forth since the start.
Never sweet, only ****.
Yet we stay together, never part.
Only started this relationship last season,
Getting harder everyday to remember the reason.
The sun sets everyday in our heart.
The moons light illuminates our despair  
Too far gone, beyond repair.

Violet.
The freckles splattered delicately on your face mimic the coffee stains on this paper.
Both have the strength to start an addiction.
Before, I needed a cup coffee to start my day.
Now, a good morning message from you will suffice.
Drinking you too fast will result in getting burnt.
Though irresistible, I would rather enjoy it than to rush.
But leaving you to cool down isnt an option. The settled flavors never quite taste the same

They say that God created all men equal but I don't believe so.
Every day my head ends up in the clouds,
And my lungs make me breath slow.
The pitter patter of my thoughts
combined with my ADHD, make me seem anxious and unstable.
If only their eyes could see that this a good day for me, and good days are getting rare.
Please don't think this a cry for help,
I've done enough to hide my despair.
Every cigarette is like a loaded gun, pointed at me like a judgmental woman's stare.
Will I light this fuse, causing an inevitable chain reaction
Or will I just go with the motions, lay down, and regret my actions
Overthinking is second nature to me, it's almost engraved in my bones.
Apart of me will always be anxious, down to my walk and tone.
I can not help what I do not know, so I become my own doctor.
Prescribing myself with "space" and "time", and even considering becoming an actor.
It is practical to me to try my hardest to hide these flaws.
I'd rather not tell my friends my thoughts, they'd just sit there in awe.
But don't get me wrong, my friends love me dearly this I cannot hide.
But don't get me wrong, I don't want to reveal my dark side.
For it wasn't long ago when I stared at the moon and cursed the world in vain,
Not know that someone way up there had a plan to release my pain.
So I pick up the pen,
Every now and again,
And I let my heart grow easy.
My unsteady handwriting pairs with my feelings and everything that I feel deeply.
But when the letters become smooth, and the lines become curved,  I know that I made the right choice.
My love is this art, I should've known from the start, that one day this might just pay the bills.
And if it doesn't, then **** it, just put one black gel pen in my will.

if the devil weren't more commonly known as an angel who fell from grace,
perhaps my standards of perfection wouldn't be impossibly high.
from birth we are told to prove our worth,
that we're covered in sin from the outside in
yet there is a loophole for redemption.
that if we get on our knees, bow our head, and close our eyes
that if we have a pure heart, a steady mind, and unbreakable determination
that if we follow the rules, eat the bread and drink the wine
we will succeed. we will be pure. we will be beautiful.
I look at you and stare blankly.
my former self is completely unaware of how close I am to heaven.
I look at you and stare blankly.
my former self is completely unaware of the power of prayer.
I look in the mirror and stare blankly.
I stand with Judas. My old friend. A liar, a fraud, you are misguided. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I look at you,
I reach my hand to you,
You take it. You grab my hand and break it.
How do you love someone who does not know the world.
Who associates it with textbook knowledge, who does not know the beauty of a mother's soft caress, who fears rejection because it's all they know.
how do you love someone who is full of hate for their own soul.
the wicked do not rest, neither does your impure mind.
tonight you've made a sinner pray. tonight.
I drink the wine, I eat the bread and I pray.
on my knees, head bowed, eyes closed.
pure heart, clear mind, determined.
Do you think the Devil tried to earn God's trust back? Do you think a text message fixed their relationship? That God required minimal effort in order for redemption?
I lay down,
I close my eyes,
I count to 10,
and dream of a world when we will meet again.

It's Monday.
You snooze your alarm and tell yourself that you deserve 5 more minutes.
Within 5 minutes
105 people that you do not know will die.
This is not to encourage you to get out of bed, this is simply a fact.
You get into your shower.
The hot water burning into your flesh, reminding you that you are made up of nothing but blood, muscle and flesh.
You close your eyes and think about the long day ahead of you, the people you want to avoid.
The excuse you'll tell your boss about your lateness, you realize "I needed 5 more minutes" will not suffice here.
You think about the fact that it's only a Monday.
You get out. Gently pat yourself dry. And stare at yourself. You begin to notice a new freckle, bag, roll, and hair that wasn't there last Monday.
You wonder what will be there next Monday. If you'll be there next Monday.
If 100 Mondays ago you'd imagine your day going exactly like this.
You looking exactly like this.
Who would know your life would turn out exactly like this.
You put on your costume
The normal khaki pants, polo shirt combo you've perfected.
You put on your smile.
You put on your kind voice.
And you're ready to shine.
You've become your worst nightmare,
A prisoner of routine.
But don't worry, you can always try to break the cycle next Monday.