our demons,
they don't play well together

losing you was like
a novel ending in the middle
of a sentence,

like thinking an extra step
was there in front of you
in the dark.

like falling
over and
over and
over again.

i worship my own misery,

sacrifice my happiness
at an altar of dread
pray to feel nothing,
until a laugh is
an act of sin.

three words melting
upon your tongue
a honeyed tide,
heart awash

a drop of sunfall
upon your skin
garden lungs
a rose petal mouth

an unknown name
upon your throat
a silent prayer
you, you, you.

"i want to make you the happiest girl"
the words grabbed her by the throat.

they stuck there, each syllable a finger
pressing down and down, one by one.

it wasn't a promise, but a confession
and forgiveness was already rising
like bile in the back of her throat.

she knew he could never mold her,
but the words had left their mark.

they kneaded at her skin, pulling and tugging,
she tried her best to bend and break,
and finally, he revealed his masterpiece:

brusied, she replied
"but you have made me the saddest".

she fed the demons under her bed
while the angels starved outside

in that moment,
we were modern gods
we ruled from city rooftops,
mist dripping from our lips
ambrosia flowing in our veins

she was strong enough
to kick down walls
and watch it all crumble.

she was weak enough
and failed to crawl
out of the dust and rubble.

the small word,
one syllable glowing on my screen

my hands shook,
my heart fought to escape my ribcage

just as always,
you offered a fix before taking it away

nothing has changed,
i feel like i lose you again every time i wake up