jacky

jacky Jan 2014

all the blurred lines
all the demonic chants
all the bleeps and stricken words out
all the venom in your bloodstream
all the **** in your mind
with all the ***** you give
it's nothing

with the pain
you left me
(before leaving)
and the
profanities
i shared with myself

**** it

jacky Jan 2014

effortless

Loving should be effortless
in a way that you need not to impress
to change or to bless

I feel like this when I'm with them,
I say what I say, in an instant
what comes into my mins, I say
or what has been buried deep
waiting for the right catharsis
of all
and it's effortless
I don't mind about my words
I don't filter my thoughts
They read me as the book I was printed
no less, always more
With them, no plans are needed
only the presence of each
peculiar perspective
that each of us contain

I don't feel that with you,
and even I do
I feel like it was
congregated,
never natural

now why is that?

I really do believe that we feel like this at certain people, being exhausted in loving them but the funny (and hurtful) thing is that we still keep on loving them. And the saddest part which I can't change myself is that we still want to love them even if we know that it is very exhausting.

Love works in puzzle pieces, unsolvable and insane.

jacky Jan 2014

heaven exists, as well as hell

i think I've seen heaven
dressed in partial colours
hiding behind your eyes
i felt it in your touch
sending shivers to my bones
giving me thoughts
i never knew i could fathom
and even I felt every kind of pain
it is you i see
what heaven would be and would feel like
new, fresh, and heavenly.

i think i've seen hell
my blood in my veins
through my heart
that beats only for you
but you don't care, you don't mind
that each pain i feel
burns in vain
but you don't care, you don't mind

*because as I've seen, as I've felt
heaven is nothing
and
hell is my everything

This is about loving, feeling, and hurting, that happened with a certain person as the catalyst of it all. It is just wonderful how a person can do those at the same time, and still be in love.

Love what a powerful tool.
(*******)

jacky Jan 2014

living

we follow all these certain rules
obtain all these certain goals
but for who? but for what?
for those who set up all those?
for those who created all
these images of a perfect life
these images of an ideal one
where you are allowed
to commit mistakes
but when you do,
they’ll condemn you
like you've never
done anything
right in this
life they
have designed
for you?

Everything that we live for, is all that we'd die for? I think otherwise.

jacky Jan 2014

Vince

it all began
when you decided
to make me fall in love with you
and it made sense, because I liked you
and you liked me back

for all the senseless wisdom I had
you made me who I was afraid of
careless, and ready to give back
all the **** care I forgot
about this world

it never felt right, but it never felt wrong
i did not realize it until
everything fell apart
in a blink of an eye
I am a stranger to you

Do you know how does that feel?
ignored, when I thought
I was something special?
something you like? and
something you want?

haven't you i figured it out?
that i fell into a bottomless pit
no one and nothing
to even catch
my sorry as for me

haven't you figured it out?
that i fell for you
and it's your fault
but you left me, saying you love me
but then i was nothing to you

but i'm glad it's done
buried in the past
blurred in vision
you hurt me, dear
but I forgive you

for all I care,
I know you won't rot in hell,
but at least in my memories
*you'll regret, that once in your miserable life
you took me for granted

(he is real, and all of these were real) and I am glad to th bottom of my hear that now I know what it feels to totally mean everything to a person and one day nothing. At least, I've learned.

I mean, no hard feelings but, i wanted to let it our for once. even just here.

jacky Jan 2014

Stereotypical High School / / Underdogs

often I feel like a girl
sometimes beautiful, always insecure
listening, talking, crying
forced to write this kind of thing

often I feel like a boy
for if I was smart, you call me nerd
for if I can throw your books in the dump, you call me cool
trying so hard to be strong, to be accepted

often I feel like a girl
pretty in pink, you’d say you’d ‘tap that’
but then
have you really been inside a real girl

often I feel like a boy
whose voice you've never heard
only the shrieks when you lock me on the locker room
I never ******* asked, to enter in this asylum

often I feel like a bird
trapped in this four walls
obligated, machined, regulated
to which they say the best four years of our lives

I came from a Science High school and I think I did not experience and witnessed this kind of High School, but this is one for those who had and for those who are having, for the voices of the underdogs.

We are all underdogs (in our own stupid ways), you've got to admit that.

jacky Jan 2014

2014 says hi, 2013 *******

what is so special about this night?
is it the ending year? or
the memories you take
as the year passed
have you changed?
have you achieved your goals?
or are you just like me
disappointed at myself
but so far and at least
we made it through another
and saying hello to the other

the question really is,
are we going to do better?
are we going to make it better?
are you going to make it better?

i think 2013 deserves a funeral