if my body
is no longer my home
where do i belong

i was finally ready
to go home
finally settled
in the discomfort
of being in the same place
as you

all it takes is one message
and i am taken back
to the first day

i do not want to cry

if my tears were stars
there would already be a whole galaxy
dedicated to you

you do not deserve a galaxy
you barely deserve a star

dear body
i am sorry

i have lost control again
she is not our universe

she has never been our universe
we are a compilation
of stardust and tears and skin and bone

we are enough
i am sorry
i let myself think otherwise

i never know
which to write
when i sit down
and write to myself

i have stopped
letting my sober
thoughts and poetry
wander to you
months after
we are over
my drunk poetry
still finds its way
to you
i am sorry

i think i liked it better
when you
completely ignored me
there was no more harsh air
no more bleeding ears
no more impatient tongues
no more broken fingernails
for a moment
there was silence
that no longer felt
uncomfortable
i was so grateful
for those silent moments
when you were not in my mind
and now that you are back
i so greatly wish
for that comfortable silence
to reappear
to wrap me up
to hold me
like the questions
you will never answer
i think
there is some part of me
hidden away
that is still waiting
for you to be the answer
you will never be
my answer

"some of us are born chasing poetry"

chasing heart break
chasing writing prompts
chasing closure
chasing tears
chasing something
our fingers will never
be able to grasp

some of us
are tired of running

sit down
take a breath
there is no need chase
you are enough
you have always been enough

there is no need to chase the wholeness
you can fill
you have always been able to fill

months after you left
slamming the door shut
behind you
i am still
breaking my nails
trying to pry myself
back open