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Jan 2010 · 3.0k
Brokenhearted Pieces
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
You come around spreading your magic
But leave her feeling down and worthless
Alone and sad and brokenhearted
And I'm the one left to pick up the pieces

This is all to your blame
But you don't even have to see the pain
In her eyes
This is all your doing
But you don't have to see what's happening
You don't have
To see her cry

You're the one who did this
And I'm the one who's left
Picking up her
Brokenhearted
Pieces.
Jan 2010 · 714
Odds
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
It hurts
When you don't talk
It hurts
When you don't touch
It hurts
When you're first on my list
But I'm only seventh or such
It hurts
When you don't care
Or even seem to like it
When I'm not there
It hurts
when you give your day away

She says there is always someone
Who loves the most and someone
Who loves the least
And
I believe her

Cause it hurts
When I come second
Or
You don't bother
To think about me
It hurts
That I love the most
And it hurts
That you love the least
Jan 2010 · 770
The Curse
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I stand and watch the garbage man
As he grabs them
Something catches my attention
I watch my mother throw away
The lamps my father gave her.
Black metal with glass panels
Taken out.
They move one
And I turn back inside

"I believe in family curses."
She says.
Could this be ours?
As I hold my love, I wonder
Ponder
On how similar our relationship
Is starting to look
To theirs.

"You wanted to lose something you've loved for 99% of your life."
He tells her.
Could this possibly
Be my soul desire as well?
Or am I just caught
In the energy?

"Some kids want to fix their relationship
With their 'bad' parent
That's why they look for them
As partners."
Am I stuck in this hidden mind frame?
What if I oppose it?
People like my father
Cannot be changed.
But then again
Neither can you.

"I am nothing like him."
You command me.
The anger flows out of your eyes.
I no longer tell you this
Because it makes you angry
Just like her
Hiding things from him

So I quietly hold you
And wonder
If someday I will be
Throwing out the lamps
You have given me.
Jan 2010 · 562
Chained
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Part of me yearns
So much
To be free
Is this how you feel
All the time?
Part of me wants
To be only me
Do you always
Feel this inside?
Is this what it feels like
To be your own person
To be chained to a thing
You must stay
Part of you likes the diversion
But part of you wants to just fly away
Is this what it feels like
To be independent
To have one eye blinded, the other eye see
Part of you likes to be rested
But part of you wants to be free
Love is just one more word for confusion
When I'm chained down, half-blinded, confused
But maybe this isn't so bad, love
When I'm lying, confused, under you
- From Evolution
Jan 2010 · 550
Something Like A Bad Dream
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Something like a bad dream
Carries around on my shoulder
It is weightless
And I don't always notice its pressure
Every once and a while it whispers
IN my ear
But no one sees it
Every once and while it screams
Jumping up and down
But no one hears it.
Sometimes it will pop up in my face
And look me right in the eye
Sinking me down to its level
But mostly
I don't notice that it's there
I walk around in "reality"
Where life is happy
But with one turn of the head
It is gone.
Something like a bad dreams
Sits and waits on my shoulder
For me to turn my head
And look around
Wondering how I got here
For me to
Remember.
That it is there
It has not gone away
No matter how much I ignore it
It will never go away
Something like a bad dream
Lies in wait on my shoulder
For me to decide:
Which is truth:
The present
Or the past?
Jan 2010 · 747
Independence
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Is it supposed to feel like this?
I have no clue.
I have never been this sort of person.
You forced me to.
Do I need to control it?
Do I need to hold back?
Or is this just who I am now?
It feels hard
In an easy sort of way.
Sort of distant.
Sort of cold.
And so...
Full of pain.
Jan 2010 · 448
Different
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I am strong
Without you.
May I be strong
With you?
Can I continue to be
The person I am
When I am alone
While I'm holding your hand?
Things change
But I refuse to change with them
Old times fade
But my life won't fade with them
My strength won't fade.
You are here
Because I allow you to be here
No more
And certainly no less
I have risen to the challenge
And the occasion
Has failed to make a fool
Out of me.
I look into your eyes
And there is no longer a mystery
I hold you in my arms
And there is no longer that feeling
That feeling I once had
Of an overwhelming love
There is only touch.
And arms.
There is only you and me
There is no longer forever.
Jan 2010 · 989
Poison
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I stand and take
Every sting
And let the poison
Ripple through me
With every harsh word
You mean
I take the poison
Very thoroughly
My heart is breaking
With each blow
My body's aching
For your love
But there is one thing
You should know
These silly blows
I'll rise above
I'll stand up tall
And take each sting
Each day they'll hurt me
Less and less
Till the poison no longer stings me
And there is no ache
In my chest
Jan 2010 · 627
Calendar
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Mocking
Those little squares make
Painfully long days
Seem like seconds
That they can fit
Into such a small space
Upon the wall
That such a long day
Filled with so many torturous thoughts can fit
Into a tiny part of the world
It is horrible
Jan 2010 · 568
Bleed
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
It's good to see you too my friend
Where have I been?
Making stupid promises
To some old stupid boy
But now that's done.
And you and I are free to do
Whatever we so please
Bleed.
Out everything.
Bleed.
Until my heart stops beating
Because every time it does
I feel the pain of love
Make me bleed
Out all this poisonous
Heartache.
I will be okay some day.
But you,
My friend
Will help me.
Bleed.
What was the point in keeping promises
When it would all end anyway
It's nice to see you too my friend
Where have I been?
Somewhere I shouldn't have.
I'm sorry I waited
So long.
Jan 2010 · 2.2k
Battlefield
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I guess that someone could say
I've got you and you've got me
In every shape and form
Matching scars
Upon our hearts
I shot once babe
And you shot twice
Nothing's perfect, perfectly nice
So grab your sword
And grab your guns
Tie your tattered blindfold
Take your peeping Toms
Find your secret weapons
And
Ready
Aim
Fire!
Jan 2010 · 2.8k
Waterfall
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Pain
Like an unforgiving waterfall
Crashes on me
Rips open my skin
And pours its horrible thoughts
Into my soul
I am sick to my stomach
Its acids eat me up from the inside
Actions
And consequences
Actions
And consequences
Break a promise, please?
DON'T YOU  DARE
Please don't say that
You don't care anymore
Act the same
PLEASE
Act the same
Could this now be a point?
A turning point in which your head turns
Away?
Away from me?
How could you dare?!
Keep your promises
I'll keep mine
HOLD ON.
Jan 2010 · 697
First
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I have the one thing everyone's pining for
Everyone's wishing for
Everything everybody is chasing after
What half the world's songs are about
His name is love.
Truly, deeply, sincerely
However you want to describe how he comes
There are no words
For when he does.
Not even perfection
Because perfect he is not
He is not a fairy tale ending
He is not a complex love poem
He is love.
His is dumb
He is clumsy
He is angry as the wind
You cannot catch him
For he is a trickster
Sometimes you may not see him
When he's been there all along.
He is not kind
He is not merciless
He will not wait for you
No, not one minute.
He will sweep you when he wills
And he will sweep you off your feet.
Jan 2010 · 657
Closed Doors
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
For years you question
Everything
Wonder if
Anything
Was even true at all
Intentions are unclear
And so is truth.
Truth cannot be realized
Until much later.
Must longer
Must larger
An answer than you expected
Surprise is written on every answer
Hesitation on every question
On long ago thoughts.
But with every answer
A door closes.
Sometimes slams
Sometimes locks.
But it feels as if your mind is freed
And this freedom feels so stable
From questions
No longer bouncing around in your head
They are gone.
And there is peace
Once more.
There is closure
At last.
Jan 2010 · 872
Lies
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Most of you is truthful
But part of you is not
When you tell me something
I'm not sure which I've got
You've told me of your past
Almost your whole life story
But if you mix lies and truth
How do I know which you've told me?
I'd rather not ask
I'd rather forget
I'd rather start with a clean slate
I'm not a lie-detector test

"Hello my name is Pink."
"Is yours a lie?"
Jan 2010 · 643
Addiction
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
If you need a replacement
I'm yours
If you need a new best friend
I'm yours
If you need a distraction
I'm yours
If you need an escape plan
I'm yours

I'm here when you have nothing better to do
I'm here when your worlds at its worst
If you need a cheap laugh, I'm your buddy.
Or a waste of you money, just call me

I'm your "better things to do" on your Saturday night
Than hang with your girl or your fam
I'm your "I'll be there later" and soon you'll forget
Cause you're lost in your own little land

When you're low on money, I'm splitting
When you're full of it I'm by your side
Which you won't cause your job you are quitting
You can't get up to get there on time

I'm your friend when you leave all your others
To hang out with me and get through
The **** that your life has been turned to
Who am I? Dear friend, I am you.

But
Who am I
If you are no longer
Yourself?
Jan 2010 · 611
Stand
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
My world has turned grey
My smiles all fade
Why can't you come back to me?
I hate to say
That I'm wasting away
But without you I'm definitely
Not who I used to be.

The world has turned numb
And the darkness keeps attacking
All I can say is
I need you.
You help me stand strong
From the demons
But now you are gone
And they bury me quickly.

I have your words,
your voice, your pictures;
But it's cold without you here.
I need you to come back
And take my hand

I don't know how much longer
I can stand.
Jan 2010 · 945
Alone
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Tonight I am alone
And I feel it in my veins.
I am not needed for your life to continue
And I never will bee.

Tonight, every friend I have encountered
Is with other friends
Laughing, playing,
Boozing, tripping,
And here I sit.
On the outside in the fence of my own self.
Trapped from ever becoming more
From ever having that certain spark
That certain thing
That makes any one person
Like you.
Tonight
I am here and I am staring into my future
Shivering
From how alone I might be.

And I know my heart is tricking me

Because
Losing him just seems like losing everything.
Jan 2010 · 610
Monsters
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Monsters in my head
And I can't stop them
There's demons in my bed
And they won't stop this I do my best
But I can't will them out
They take no rest
Until I force them out
Only on thing can cure this agony
His brother pain comes in at last
He fights my fight and stands by me
He cures dark thoughts
And painful memories

Bring pain in
And give me relief
From this endless
Jan 2010 · 639
Hauntings
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Today you choose to haunt me
Or shall I say who you used to be
What we used to have
Your energy
Your smile
Got lost somewhere
I miss who you used to be
As if you were dead
A shining star that lost its light
A beating heart that doesn't love me anymore.
It used to be so precious to me
No matter what anyone said
No matter how badly I was treated
You were precious to me
Who you were is precious to me.

But in these days where we do not speak
Where you haunt my dreams
I cannot tell you
How much I wish I were in he past
When your voice still had that light to it
When your eyes were excited
And you were still happy about life

When you had your punk music and your rebellion
When you hated everyone
But me.

But now I will be the only one you hate.

Some days I'm ok with that.
But today it haunts me.
Jan 2010 · 475
Wishes
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I wish I had the perfect words to say
Wish I had the perfect plan to pull
To open your eyes,
To pull off the veil
I wish that deep down inside
You wanted to stay
You didn't want to be like them
You didn't want to be a part of them.

I wish you could see
How ******* it is.
I wish you didn't believe.
I wish you could actually be the complete perfect picture that I paint in my head.

But that won't ever happen.

Still
I look for any clue or excuse
For you to not love the thing I hate

Is it impossible?
Am I wasting my time?
Jan 2010 · 547
Light And Dark
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
What do I do
With a love like you?
The light of your heart is so brilliant
Yet I see darkness in our future

Here I have stumbled myself into
What I always Swore I would never touch
I told myself I could not live this hell
My one promise to myself.

And yet here I am.
Playing with fire
Just begging to be burned
Begging to be hurt.

What do I do
With such a perfect love as you?

You are my precious other
And yet you hold his beliefs.

Were they just as foolish?
How will I get through this?
Jan 2010 · 465
A Light In The Dark
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
That look in his eyes
And I retreated
To the dark, dark place where even my mind won't bother me.
Where I become nothing
And nothing welcomes me.

I retreat to the place I have not been
For such a while
And I don't even feel myself falling
Into black.

Time ceases.
Nothing consumes.

But his voice becomes light
And its kindness pulls to me
"Come back," he says.
"Come back."
My eyes open to him
And he gazes back at me,
Perfect and sweet.
"Where did you go?
You left me all alone."
That is it.
He understands.

And I will never feel for anyone

What I feel for this perfection in front of me.

I will never be able to love someone

As much as I love him.
Jan 2010 · 535
Evidence
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I wish there were more evidence than this.
Of the pain so many years way.
Of your tyranny.
So that as the memories fade to grey
As the words don't seem to say what they used to say
The pain could feel like yesterday.
Not just repressed like someone else's distant past.

I wish there were more evidence
Than just the love that I don't have
Than just a hate for my dad
So maybe someone could understand
Maybe he could understand
Why I am so hesitant
Why I cannot turn that way.

Maybe if I had more evidence
He would understand my pain
And fear.
Jan 2010 · 599
Love
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Sometimes it sneaks up on me,
This pain of mine.
But sometimes it jumps out at me
Like a stranger with a knife.
Sometimes I do not hear its silent footsteps fall
And it startles me
When it arrives.

For this is the thing I've been dreading
My whole life that I might run into
I find the most wonderful man
Who believes in my father's beliefs
I find this most wonderful man
And he is soon set to leave.

If only, if only
But this time I cry
I make curse to this earth
and I scream at the sky
In frustration and anger
And sadness and pain
And what is it that makes me feel this way?
None other but love.

Love that holds me sweetly on my death bed.
Love that soothes the sorrows but lets the tears never end.
It is love that huts the most
And causes all the pain.

It is love in my life
That is my true enemy.
Jan 2010 · 424
Box
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Box
I want to lock this feeling in a box
So like a precious memory
I can keep it near my heart
And pull it out when the path is dark
For when the waiting is too long and cold
For when the future shows its darkened side
And for when you are nowhere to be found
When you are gone, disappeared like a distant dream
I can feel what it feels like to just hold you.
I can feel your warmth and your love right next to me
As if you weren't just some distant memory
For the nights when I cry because you're not around
I can calm myself down and just feel you

How do I survive this?
Surely, I know that I will
But sometimes my heart feels like it's breaking
Sometimes my skin feels so cold
Because I know you will be gone
And I won't have your lips to kiss
I won't have your gazing eyes
I won't have you to hold
Tell me
How do I survive?
Jan 2010 · 695
Problems
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
The greatest joy and love
And the greatest sorrow
Why can I not have you?
"I want to share my life with you."
Why can't I?
Why does life have to be so cruel?
Why does my one true enemy
Have to be my one true love?
Like some modern day Romeo and Juliet,
Our love cannot last
Our love will end too soon.
I guess I am blessed
To have you for such a short time,
To have you once, at least.
But to be so cruel as to take you way,
Am I ever to escape this fate?
Is there any way this love story
Does not end in tragic tales and tears?
Is there any way this love would work?

Because I love you
And I don't want to live without you.
I want to share my life with you.
But can it be
A life without misery?
Jan 2010 · 614
My Beautiful Nightmare
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I sat with him in that small cottage
His lips were soft and sweet and so familiar...
His eyes said he loved me
But I saw something else.
Concern.
Worry.
He said I must be tested.
To stay here, I must pass.
I grew nervous
And frightened
He said not to worry,
H would help me.
And after one last kiss
Hi sface grew dark an dtold me I must follow him.
And not stop for anything.
We ran past the blue hills and soon I heard screaming
A woman in agony, in pain, in fear
"They're going to **** me!" I hear her wail
"Help me!"
I chased him as he gained speed
My face burning
My heart stabbing
My shoes clumsy.

I do not think he knows where he is going,
he made a mistake,
didn't take me the right way
For I hear her voice grow louder
And we must be running toward her.

And as he rounds the corner ahead of me
There she is, coming from the right.
My heart stops as her burnt pale face wails at me
Her balding head and tattered dress
I try to run faster but she cuts me off
And reaches her burnt arms towards me

And I'm awake.

What would have happened if I had passed?
Would I still be there in that happy place,
Where I had everything I could ask for?
Because everything was so unreal when I awoke
I was still stuck in the fairytale.
Would I still be there?
Would I be lost in my fantasy,
everybody's dream?
Would I be released?
Jan 2010 · 650
Past And Future
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Feel the weight of the world fall down on you
The pain of the past
Running through your head
But it's good for you
These tears are good for you
They are a reminder of a lesson learned,
A life destroyed.
Our unhappy family
Suffered in silence
Because of one choice,
One decision

"When we were all in heaven, I'm glad you chose to be part of our family."

I would never choose that kind of pain
And I know you were lying
You would rather have your perfect dreams
And you never let us forget that.

And maybe that's something I'm thankful for
Because I can never forget
The mistake you both chose to make.

I would not live with myself
If I voluntarily put my daughter in that danger,
If I were to give her anything but the best life I could give her.
Jan 2010 · 981
My God
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
My god,
Has no name
My god,
Plays no v.i.p. game
My god
is not wrathful or angry or jealous
My god
Is understanding and wise
It knows that good and evil are tied
My god
Is all-knowing, all-loving,
but not all-powerful.
My god
Chooses not to control
And is all for the experience.
My god
Doesn't care if you go to church, or pray, or "spread the word"
My god
Is everything,
Good and bad
My god
Is beyond human emotions
And does not ****
My god
Lets you live your life
Lets you live your experience
And my god
Would never
Send me
Or anyone else
To hell.
Jan 2010 · 1.6k
Shoes
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I cannot willingly walk the same broken path that she did
I cannot place my own feet
Into her worn out, ****** shoes
My feet feel to flee so far away.
This path I cannot choose.
For I was shown
That love is not enough
When it comes to them and their religion
Love is not all you need

I cannot destroy my own future
Throw away my happiness
Both of us miserable,
Hiding in the shadows
How can that sound good at all?

I love you,
I do.
And I would like nothing else more than to live a happy, long life with you

But I cannot marry your beliefs
And because of that
I cannot...

Give up and say
So much for 'happily ever after'!
Jan 2010 · 18.5k
All I Want
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
All I want to do right now
Is lay with you
Like we did last night.
My eyes closed, hand on your chest
Holding you as close as you can get
And fall asleep
In your arms.
Jan 2010 · 631
Dearly Beloved...
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
We gather here today
To mourn the death of a dear loved one
And although there is no body
Or no casket
We say goodbye
To who he used to be.
Hold on to your memories in your hearts, dear folks
For he might not be coming back
For he might
Be lost forever.

His laugh, his smile, his playful demeanor
We'll surely miss
What a good friendship we had
Days we shared.

And although I cannot say
He is in a better place
I just know
This is what he wanted.
Jan 2010 · 577
Catch It
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I can feel it on the tip of my tongue
As you grab my hand
Or pull me close.
As I kiss you, you hold me;
I can feel your heartbeat.
I can almost say it
Almost whisper it

But I make myself wait
For now is too soon

But I feel it on the tip of my tongue
And I have to catch it when I take a breath
So it doesn't fly out.

"I love you."
Jan 2010 · 476
You Will Know
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
And even though she warms me
About the place that you are heading
That you will need me
That something bad will happen if I'm not there for you

Part of me is angry
And wants to see you fall
Wants to prove that
I was right all along
Part of me wants to see you crash
I tried to help, to change for so long
That I finally gave up

And you will finally understand why
You will finally understand me

Even though it is far too late for you to
Come back and change anything
You will know why I did the things I did,
Said the things I said.

And you will know you should have listened
And you will have learned.

But part of me knows
It won't change a thing.
Jan 2010 · 568
In Between
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
If you listen
Pay attention to the beats
But in between
Where the silence lays,
Right there,
You can feel the sadness.
Like an echo,
Barely there.
but still,
It sits.
And if you do not listen to it
Do not wallow in it sometimes,
It will sit there forever.
Jan 2010 · 814
Crack
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Once again an ant crawls in
A crack
In my solid stone foundation.

Which is suddenly reduced to rubble.

For the first time in my life
Your kiss is blank.
An empty tape with no recording
Your touch is a vast field
With nothing but cheat grass.

No flowers,
No flutters,
No feelings like there used to.
For once
I am alone.
Jan 2010 · 542
My Nightmares
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
My nightmares
Are not the ones with ghosts and goblins
Not the ones with anger or even fear
No, my nightmares
Are the ones
Where you look me in the eyes,
Smile at me,
Take my hand
And lead me back to happiness.
Jan 2010 · 576
Nights
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
In the night
I dream of being happy
I dream of meeting you again,
That you are still the same
Somehow you have still held your love for me
Somehow,
My faith is restored in this world.
A world where I can touch you,
hold you,
kiss you, like I once did
Is a world I will never again take for granted
We lay and talk
Reveal our innermost secrets
I smile and
You smile.

And I open my eyes
Back to this ******* reality in which I live
Where I don't know you anymore
And you're never coming back for me
The world where you left me behind
In the dust.
Why must you haunt me like this?
Just as I begin to get up on my hands and knees
You com in the night
Push down upon my back,
Push me back onto my belly

How does on e move on
With such weight upon them?
Jan 2010 · 580
Fall
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I cannot look into your face for much longer
Than two seconds
I want to gaze into your soothing eyes
And have you catch me
I'm falling
Falling
Falling
The only thing that brings me up
Is finding myself back up high
Forgetting, repressing,
I want you to hold me
And never let me fall
Don't let me fall anymore
I don't want to fall anymore
Please look and me and understand
I'm lost without you
Jan 2010 · 374
Less and Less
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I sit and watch my old self fade away
Not putting up a fight
I watch the person he gave up
Fade into oblivion
I watch the person they loved,
The person that wasn't good enough
Die.
There's no worth in crying over it
A nothing I will stay
Just more of one that doesn't give a ****
More and more each day
More and more she fades
More and more a smile grows
I stop to think
Jan 2010 · 575
Second Time Around
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
At first she caressed me like her lover:
He held me in his arms and I forgot the world.
The only thing that existed
Was where he and I were touching,
All else was black.
The only moment that existed in time
Was where he and I were kissing.
There would be no before and there would be no after.

Then she lied to me like a distant friend:
Telling me nothing existed.
Nobody else in the world but he and I.
That where I was was not where I was.
And when I was, well,
She told me time did not exist.
And I believed her.

She put her hand around my throat and squeezed:
I relived my life every second, speeding back up to this one.
I was another person, some older woman
I lived simultaneously through my entire life
Being everything and nothing.
As if running out of air my body twitch and tweaked and jumped-
He told me, "Shhh, calm your breathing."
But I hardly heard him.
"Try to go to sleep."
But I didn't know what sleep was.
The only thing keeping me slightly tethered
To this earth, to this time
To existence
Was focusing on him
Feeling where our bodies touched
Kissing him-
But he told me
"Try to go to sleep."
And turned his head away-
"Try to go to sleep."
And at some point
I did.
Jan 2010 · 3.8k
A Lesson Once Learned
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
A farmer, a diligent worker, I am.
Passed down the same employment
The same land, generation to generation
This field has never grown the best crops
But always enough to scrape by
It has always been, to the naked eye,
Filled with weeds
But I labor all day, sometimes in the blaring heat
Pulling weeds and caring for each precious plant
For not being one more **** I have to pick.
Some weeds are deep-rooted and will not pull
And I pass them by
Acres and acres of land with weeds
Harbored off into sections
Singly alone, it takes weeks
To rid one of weeds and then harvest
But the little money I gain back from that
I cherish that much core.
A farmer from generations and generations of diligent workers am I
And this is my story.

As I was working in my field one day a man came up to me
He had a clean pressed black suit
And hundred dollar sunglasses
Well dressed for business.
He asked me, "Why do you work so long and hard with pulling deep-rooted weeds when you hardly get any pay?"
I explained my family's field of generations and generations.
It never gets any better, but hey, it never gets any worse.
I could feel him looking down upon my labor in my family's field of generation after generation
He said to me, "A pretty lady such as yourself should not be working in such heat."
This man, he told me of his fields back home.
He had cows, even. Chickens and horses.
"The finest of the finest," he assured me, "bred from rare and royal breeds."
He told me of a home where I would be cool and looked after and no longer would have to
"scratch such pretty hands working in such a lowdown field."
Well this business man in his clean pressed black suit
And his hundred dollar sunglasses,
He took my hand, looked me in the eyes
and tenderly said,
"It doesn't have to be this way.
Come with me, I will show you."
And I followed him to his red corvette
And we drove into the sunset
On passed the moon
And when we arrived
It was as splendid as he had said.
Fields and fields of green
"All of this is yours," he said, "just stay with me."

And for days I was cared for by him
I spent my time in the cool house
Both of us together
He rarely left, but when he did it was to harvest the field
It had few **** that he didn't bother pulling
Or to feed and care for the prized chickens, horses, cows.
Or to cash the money the fields had earned
Always giving me
Much more than I needed.
He massaged my back and sang me songs
And told me I would never have to worry about anymore weeds for the rest of my life
Let him do all the worrying.
And I did.
And all was well.

That night I awoke with an itch in my throat
That itch turned to a cough and I fully opened my lids
To a thick grey haze that turned at the soft flesh of my eyes
I coughed again and again to sit up and look around the smoke-filled room.
I crawled my way out of my silk-sheeted bed in my silk nightgown and tried to call out
But nothing but tears came from my eyes
I felt my way to the door, touching my money on the dresser and I pocketed it.
I struggled though the flames and the heat of the smoke.
My vision blurry, head light, lungs shriveling, eyes burning, feet cut and scraped from broken glass upon the floor
And as I finally mad my way to the front door
My hand passed over a note taped to the wall in the entry way.
I pocketed this as well.
I rushed out into the cold night air that felt free from the heat of the thick haze
I blinked away the tears in my eyes, took a few breath and cleared the dizziness
I pulled out the note and it read:
"If you survive, I want you to know: I'm sorry."
I continued to cough.
And I didn't bother to blink away these tears.

The police arrived a few hours later.
The house and barn and field burned down,
They were still able to identify the cause:
There was a storm that night and lightening had struck
A tall **** near the edge of the field
By the barn
This **** was big, tall, and deep-rooted.
No one had bothered to pull it.
The barn caught fire first and all the finest of the finest chickens and horses and cows bred from rare and royal breeds
Were laid to wast,
Bones found in the ashes.
The field and home burned at the same rate,
No bones found in the ashes.
And the man dressed for business
In his clean-pressed black suit
And his hundred dollar sunglasses
Was no where to be found.
The police said they would do their best to find him
But I knew they wouldn't do either.

I ran back home in the chill of the night that had once seemed comforting
It bit at my toes and my ears and the tears on my cheeks
It numbed everything else that the protection the silk offered
My rubbed-soft feet found it hard to run more than a mild in the cold dirt and rough rocks
But they ran back past the moon and out of the sunrise,
Coarse and calloused by the time they reached the old farm.
There were now more weeds than ever and my hands had run smooth from not a days work, not a **** pulled so long
And I removed the burnt, torn, frozen silk and bought new sturdy working clothes with the money I pocketed
I looked out upon the old abandoned field of generations and generations of my mothers
And I prepared for the fresh open wounds I would have by the ned of this day
Determined to make this field as beautiful as it once had been I grabbed the base
Of the first **** at my feet.
And pulled.
Jan 2010 · 808
The Hen
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Congratulations, you've succeeded
In creating a monster
In your mirror image.
Anything you do is
Much bigger than you've done before
To deserve not being talked to.
A reason won't even be provided
As to why you seem to be hated
I don't want to try anymore
Don't want to give a ****
Who needs friends?
"Not I." said the cat...
"Not I." said the dog...
Here you've wound yourself up to this spot
Hated by your most beloved
Doesn't seem worth the trouble,
Worth the work,
Worth the wait.
You were never that far on the inside
Who needs you anyway?
"Not I." said the cat...
"Not I." said the dog...
Jan 2010 · 1.4k
Expect
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Why do I expect you to do what you say?
Why do I expect at all?
Because I think to turn off expectations
Would be to turn off all care for anything
So when you forget
Or blow off
Or make other plans
I still get hurt
Over and over and over
Go to your party
Go do your ****
I'll be at home
Bawling my eyes out.
Jan 2010 · 771
Lucky
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Honestly, you're the luckiest person I've ever met
You found this girl
Who would do anything for you
So much that
You don't have to do
Anything for her.
And when you can't deal
You can just walk away
And leave her to deal with
Her own problems
You have your highs
You have a good time
Ignore life
But still gain the benefits.
You never have to compromise
Anything for anybody
And you can blame it all on yourself
But not feel the sting
Of being something low.
You don't have to care about anything.
Leave her to deal with it.
Jan 2010 · 857
Things Now
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Can you deal with the fake happiness,
Every day a lie?
Pretending this is all you want,
Get by with every high?
Don't expect anything
And if you must, expect the least.
You got so used to being treated so well
Compared to that, this is hell.
Going from someone who wanted all his time with you
To someone who seems like he's got better things to do
Is depressing.
You always expect
So much
But is asking to get back in return what you give
Too much?
Are your expectations
Never to be fulfilled?

You thought it might make you a happier person
But only for a while
Having to sign up for a time slot,
Having no room to smile

Life will never be what you want.
Get over it.
Jan 2010 · 425
Darkness
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
There's no bad time's a comin
There's no darkness to dread
For the darkness has set upon you, my child
And it will never end.
The pain will never end.
- From Evolution
Jan 2010 · 683
Promises
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
You said you would always be there to catch me
Whenever I fell
Well where are you now
When I'm falling so far?
Where are you now
When I'm falling
without you?
You said to not stress about anything
To let you worry for me
Then why did you unload
All this pain onto me
Where are you while I am worrying?
Jan 2010 · 576
Long Night
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Last night was very hard for me
My brain was buzzing
Racing, running
With every thought it could think of you
With every dream it could dream of you
I guess it hasn't gotten the memo yet
You left me
It knows how much I longed for you
But it's a little too late
I no longer want to think of you
It hurts
But it seems like you're the only thing it can think of
So much that I can't think
Of anything else worth thinking about
Kept up half the night
My own mind driving me crazy
With pain
And tears
And "how could you do this?"

Somebody gave it a late notice
Cause I'm way over that phase
I don't want to think about you
I don't want to dream about you

They are the muddiest thoughts
And the clearest dreams
I have
Ever had.
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