I wish there were more evidence than this.
Of the pain so many years way.
Of your tyranny.
So that as the memories fade to grey
As the words don't seem to say what they used to say
The pain could feel like yesterday.
Not just repressed like someone else's distant past.

I wish there were more evidence
Than just the love that I don't have
Than just a hate for my dad
So maybe someone could understand
Maybe he could understand
Why I am so hesitant
Why I cannot turn that way.

Maybe if I had more evidence
He would understand my pain
And fear.

Sometimes it sneaks up on me,
This pain of mine.
But sometimes it jumps out at me
Like a stranger with a knife.
Sometimes I do not hear its silent footsteps fall
And it startles me
When it arrives.

For this is the thing I've been dreading
My whole life that I might run into
I find the most wonderful man
Who believes in my father's beliefs
I find this most wonderful man
And he is soon set to leave.

If only, if only
But this time I cry
I make curse to this earth
and I scream at the sky
In frustration and anger
And sadness and pain
And what is it that makes me feel this way?
None other but love.

Love that holds me sweetly on my death bed.
Love that soothes the sorrows but lets the tears never end.
It is love that huts the most
And causes all the pain.

It is love in my life
That is my true enemy.

I want to lock this feeling in a box
So like a precious memory
I can keep it near my heart
And pull it out when the path is dark
For when the waiting is too long and cold
For when the future shows its darkened side
And for when you are nowhere to be found
When you are gone, disappeared like a distant dream
I can feel what it feels like to just hold you.
I can feel your warmth and your love right next to me
As if you weren't just some distant memory
For the nights when I cry because you're not around
I can calm myself down and just feel you

How do I survive this?
Surely, I know that I will
But sometimes my heart feels like it's breaking
Sometimes my skin feels so cold
Because I know you will be gone
And I won't have your lips to kiss
I won't have your gazing eyes
I won't have you to hold
Tell me
How do I survive?

The greatest joy and love
And the greatest sorrow
Why can I not have you?
"I want to share my life with you."
Why can't I?
Why does life have to be so cruel?
Why does my one true enemy
Have to be my one true love?
Like some modern day Romeo and Juliet,
Our love cannot last
Our love will end too soon.
I guess I am blessed
To have you for such a short time,
To have you once, at least.
But to be so cruel as to take you way,
Am I ever to escape this fate?
Is there any way this love story
Does not end in tragic tales and tears?
Is there any way this love would work?

Because I love you
And I don't want to live without you.
I want to share my life with you.
But can it be
A life without misery?

I sat with him in that small cottage
His lips were soft and sweet and so familiar...
His eyes said he loved me
But I saw something else.
Concern.
Worry.
He said I must be tested.
To stay here, I must pass.
I grew nervous
And frightened
He said not to worry,
H would help me.
And after one last kiss
Hi sface grew dark an dtold me I must follow him.
And not stop for anything.
We ran past the blue hills and soon I heard screaming
A woman in agony, in pain, in fear
"They're going to **** me!" I hear her wail
"Help me!"
I chased him as he gained speed
My face burning
My heart stabbing
My shoes clumsy.

I do not think he knows where he is going,
he made a mistake,
didn't take me the right way
For I hear her voice grow louder
And we must be running toward her.

And as he rounds the corner ahead of me
There she is, coming from the right.
My heart stops as her burnt pale face wails at me
Her balding head and tattered dress
I try to run faster but she cuts me off
And reaches her burnt arms towards me

And I'm awake.

What would have happened if I had passed?
Would I still be there in that happy place,
Where I had everything I could ask for?
Because everything was so unreal when I awoke
I was still stuck in the fairytale.
Would I still be there?
Would I be lost in my fantasy,
everybody's dream?
Would I be released?

Feel the weight of the world fall down on you
The pain of the past
Running through your head
But it's good for you
These tears are good for you
They are a reminder of a lesson learned,
A life destroyed.
Our unhappy family
Suffered in silence
Because of one choice,
One decision

"When we were all in heaven, I'm glad you chose to be part of our family."

I would never choose that kind of pain
And I know you were lying
You would rather have your perfect dreams
And you never let us forget that.

And maybe that's something I'm thankful for
Because I can never forget
The mistake you both chose to make.

I would not live with myself
If I voluntarily put my daughter in that danger,
If I were to give her anything but the best life I could give her.

My god,
Has no name
My god,
Plays no v.i.p. game
My god
is not wrathful or angry or jealous
My god
Is understanding and wise
It knows that good and evil are tied
My god
Is all-knowing, all-loving,
but not all-powerful.
My god
Chooses not to control
And is all for the experience.
My god
Doesn't care if you go to church, or pray, or "spread the word"
My god
Is everything,
Good and bad
My god
Is beyond human emotions
And does not ****
My god
Lets you live your life
Lets you live your experience
And my god
Would never
Send me
Or anyone else
To hell.