i dont want to wake up anymore
i just dont

i cried so much
that the cries turned into screams
and i drowned in my own salt water

Lets be real here,

you were always the universe
always the vast expanse
you were always too inspiring
alluring, even
you were always somehow breathtaking
(tell me how you do it)
you were always good enough
and you were always more than good enough
you were always monumental
the kind of person anyone would reminiscence of
but you werent always mine,
but you are now
and im always falling in love with you
im always never falling out
im always going to be here
and you will always be the universe
you will always be so much *more

The sadness isnt cruel
to survive, there's certain things to do
If only it would leave me
Because i only have room for you

to blow out the candle and mutter words of hope
used to beautiful ,signifying growth
but now all i want and all that i plead
Is that i wont remain
in time for another wish received.

breathebreathebreathe.
can you hear me?
im begging you to breathe.

If you ever end up falling
you could never catch yourself
is this the reason why
you never say 'I love myself' ?

.

Bruises, they fade.
But these memories
...will stay

So when i'm close, you turn away
And act all tough...

*You're so cliche

im standing my ground
with faltering knees
and you hear me speak
with both hands trembling
The moon keeps tugging for the tides
and my emotions arent defying gravity

.

I thought i was drowning
but the moon casts only beams
I thought i was drowning
then realised  it flooded out from me

In my desperation
to understand your disappearance
ive mulled that word over in my maze of a mind
way too many times
i can no longer find its meaning.

though, my heart is beating
so loud i hear it in my ears
and though my wrists
may be painted blue


why does it feel like death?

There is a sinking feeling in my stomach
and I feel the need to cry
all this water I had swallowed
when I once tried to drown
everything else
around me out

their screams are so loud
it makes my heart beat faster
but fails
to break the silence

This is what happens when i give you my heart
wrapped up in paper and ribbons-
it's delicate
and gifts are made to be kept

And guilt decided
to leak from my eyes.

Im no longer
a disguise...

Eyes don't need to meet
for you to feel the contact

i do not want
to face tomorrow
so tonight
i will not sleep

because i see
the sun as the sun
and day only arrives
when i awake.

I was thinking about you
when my steps avoided the fractures
I knew they bring bad luck
And so i didnt want to fall

you're always returning,
even in the winter
i can see you peering through the clouds

*please teach me your ways

of all the things
that i have had a chance to learn
i have realised
that living
is exhaustion

I am proud to say
I have learnt to love myself

I hate the movement of my limbs
leaving me exasperated
but if you uttered my name in need
id create a tsunami

I have spaces between my fingers
And scrapes along my knees
And there are cracks between my lips
Where empty words are breathed
Now can you see - that i am not complete?
Im waiting for your arrival
and when you come, please do not leave

This kind of sadness overwhelms without an alpha or omega

Im not sleeping, not tonight,
Too many thoughts running through my mind,
Too many whispers, too much pain,
Rather think and think and start again.
Stare at the stars and think of regrets
Pray to my God for all the help i can get.

My thoughts they'll be louder than even my words.
Though as loud as they are, they'll never be heard.

And if i choose you
id be choosing the type of happiness
that comes with the cost of pain
but id choose you forever
again, again and again

I'm stuck between scared or lonely
All i know is that it's better here with you

I want to sleep forever
Rest my head and never wake
My dreams are so impeccable
They take away the ache

I want to sleep forever
Beside your perfect smile
And if I ever wake
Seeing you would make it worthwhile

I want to sleep forever
Close my eyes as time goes by
That way, I will never
Have to be there for the painful goodbyes

I want to sleep forever
Then wake in paradise
There i'll meet my uncle
there, I'll finally see his eyes

I want to smile
And say 'im fine'
And i want that
One day...
To not be a lie

Sometimes a smile doesnt say
'im okay'
Sometimes it means
'im trying to be  *brave...'

flowers are so beautiful
let me plant one on those lips

they call the progress of loving you-
falling
and of course im falling
it hurts
im raw, exposed
hurt absolutely everywhere
but thats the point-
i want to fall

if its for you, ill let myself hurt any day

Why would you waste your memories,
On someone like me?
Im not what you think,
Im not what you see.

Im not always happy,
Never have been.
My mind is a mess,
Please help me become clean.

These smiles that show
Mean nothing, they're fake.
I dont care anymore
Just take away my ache

You deserve  so much better
Like the princess over there.
Help her lift her head up,
Tiara's slipping, off her hair

I dont think
That im talented, special nor sweet
I dont want you wasting time,
On a girl, known as me...

what does it take
to become a writer?
published words
or beautiful thoughts

though we were never taught,
we all smile
when we're sad

Because my science teacher taught me
that the moon evokes the tides
But she never taught me
how humans were like him too

not everything is temporary
at least not yet
im
still
struggling

I want to fall
I think ill fall
but if i fall will you catch me.....


*because there is a bridge and i want to fall

Oh how i wish
I were like you,
As my heart
Would stop beating too

Is this life
or is this death
it feels like hell
therefore i must be dead

when you spoke to me,
your words caressed
they sounded like the sea,
washing away the sad imprints left on the shore

but when i spoke to you
my words screamed
they pounded on your door like a murderer
until you gave up
because i demanded to stay on your mind
for far too long

and that must've hurt.

I've befriended the night
he holds me when i cry

-

Its four am in the morning
And my thoughts wandered as they do
Found it sad to think
That you hate being you...

For you are everything
I have nothing to give you

But perhaps
you may still love me

I will look at you with awe
my eyes
will trace your outlines
explore the beauty
of your landscapes
memorise every subtle
enchanting smile
catch the glimpse
of your emotions
fall in love
with your silhouette

and really
just fall in love with all of you