I found your love letter today. I couldn't open it.

Why is it that,
now that I've found someone
who loves me,
I'm throwing them away?
You're the first to love me back
and the first to have me
completely enraptured
and I love you.
Oh how I love you..
But thats just it.
You're the first.
These are my butterfly days
and I will love again.
I am not your first love.
Someone else once held your heart
like you hold mine,
and crushed it.
In time you healed
and you will heal again
for I will recrush your rebuilt heart
because I'm leaving.
And mine will stay in your hands
until you throw it far away.

The growth of a child-
never accepted.
She tries to intertwine
among her peers
only to be rejected.
So she digs through her soul
to find she is not meant
to be a part of the grid.

Last night I drove for an hour,
to tell you I'm leaving..
I intended to end us,
but you were so sad.
I didn't do it.

Our relationship is unhealthy
and I don't want to be in it.
I want to leave you,
but you were so sad.
So I'll wait.

I wanted to tell you
we should break up now,
to avoid slow torture
for the next 3 months
til I leave.

I'm going halfway across the country.
And you're stuck here.
And you're content with where you are.
I don't want you to come with me.
Stay in your ****** life,
I don't want a part of it.

I hate that I love you so much.
I hate that you love me even more.
I don't want anything to do with you,
but I cant escape you.

At the mere brush of your hand
I am electrified
I never want the goosebumps to fade.
But it's time to turn us off.
I'm so sorry for letting you love me.
******* for making me love you.

Do something to make this easier.
Hit me, curse me out, cheat and get caught.
Accept that I'm leaving and understand
it's not going to work out.
I wish I hated you.
I wish I could make you hate me.
It's never easy I suppose.

I don't even think I'll miss you..
So why is this so ******* hard?

Right now my problem is
I can't stop reading all of
these beautiful poems.
The issue here, is
I need to shower
and have a life.
I'm absorbed.
Send help!

I have two cigarettes
and a clip
left-
and no money
for more.
****.

I haven't written in a while.
I feel thrown off.
I'm in this mode where my ability to
write how I feel
has been cast off.
My mind is filled with Manson playing
in the background of this coffee shop
in my new city of Austin.
And all I can write about is how
I can't write.

you make me need to write

I said your love was the biggest lie I've heard.

You said I was the only girl you've ever loved.

Broken body bound together by brittle rubber bands.
Little girl picks up the pieces and they crumble in her hand.
She puts the bits together of whatever's left whole that she can.
Compress the bits to make me stand.
Still standing,
only showing half of what I am.