how to get over someone that was never yours to love:

step one: remember everything, savor every moment
remember the time you went long boarding and you crashed, breaking your ankle and he offered to carry you the rest of the way home.
remember the time he told you he loved you but you were out of his league (you should have disagreed)
remember when he let you cry on his lap when his best friend told you he hated you.
remember everything

step two: hate them,
hate what they wear and how their shirt hangs loosely over honey comb colored skin
hate who they talk to when they are consumed in a conversation
hate their smile and eyes and lips and finger because they are the parts of them you loved most

step three:  cry your heart out,
dry out your tear ducts until all that falls is ash and dust,
drink until your blood turns to alcohol,
drunk dial him a few time and tell him exactly what's on your mind
finally tell them you love them because maybe you don't know it but they may love you too

I am 21 and i watch as
his hair curls slightly as he combs his fingers through it
he buttons the last button on his shirt and all i can think of is teeth
and how one by one i could so easily undo them and reveal a canvas of  tanned smooth skin

I should have kissed him there

I am 19 and sleep has become an option since the night he told me i was the only one he wanted
i replied with the timing isn't right but told him i loved him anyway

I should have kissed him there

I am 18 and timing is a *****

I should have kissed him there

I am 16 and I thought that there was only one person i could love and it wasn't him
it was his best friend

I should have kissed him there

I am 15 and he is the only one who gets me
he is my best friend

but now he isn't mine to have

I am 21 and
i should have kissed him there

I have been waiting to tell you this for years
but every time my lips began to part all that was left on my tongue were the ghosts of words that were once there
my throat starts closing and it feels like i have just swallowed a million shards of glass
so i don't say it
i want to say it
but the glass is multiplying and i can't
i can't tell you
i already know it won't work out
we've tried after all and we were always on different planets
thousands of light years away
it is 7 p.m. and i am thinking about you as much as i do when i can't sleep at 4 a.m and
now that we are on the same planet
i've found the words that were lost for so long
and they sound **** close to I Love You

And nothing's the
SAME ANYMORE

And I'm losing it
I'm losing touch with myself

Because I lost touch with you.

You stopped writing me.
I looked for your words of love
But they were no where to be found.

Because I asked you to stop them.
Because I asked you.
I did.

But now they're gone.
And nothing is the
Same anymore.

Who is this *******
Who gave me permission
To do things like
Love
and
Kiss
and
Desire.

What kind of a person allows that?

Did they not realize
That I would crave
To act on those
Behaviors?

Of course I will love.
Of course I will kiss.
Of course I will desire.

But why would someone gift me
Things that can
Hurt me in return?

Unrequited
Unwanted
Uninterested

How cruel of the person
Who gave me permission
To try.

tell me how you miss me
I love how sweet that sounds.
as you kiss her neck
as you lick her sweat.
you hate how she says your name
and how her lips taste like wine.
you hate her blue eyes
you hate how they’re not mine.

and you say you miss me.
isn’t that just sweet?
but you’ve made your choice
and your choice wasn’t me.