First, separate the 2 pieces of bread
Second, remove all mayonnaise, turkey and chicken  
Third, add mustard
Fourth, put the 2 pieces of bread back together
Fifth, put the sandwich in your mouth
Sixth, take a huge bite and before you can say seventh, chew and swallow it
Eighth, repeat steps 5 and 6 until the sandwich magically disappears

Would you like to buy a plane that doesn't fly?
It was made in the year 1416 in what is now modern-day Yugoslavia
It was made for an African Queen named James
Upon its completion 16 days later, it was shipped over the Adriatic Sea
And arrived in Cuba 7 days after they started building it
The Chinese people there were confused by it
So they went into the cockpit and turned it on
They unwittingly set it to full throttle
It flew at mach 16 1/4 inch above the ground
The Russians chased after it on top of a flying Marshall Tucker Band .45
The Indians caught up to it in 180 revolutions
Which is 4 minutes
When they caught up to it, the Australians smashed the jet engine
And ripped each of the 7 propeller blades, one by one

Then, in the year 2004, a man named Jeff Murly found it
While he was trying to become the first person to climb Mt. Everest
With their hands in their back pockets
He tripped 4 inches from the summit
And he found the plane lying on the ground

It could have been yours for a mere 16 cents
But because of Obama's overpriced taxes,
It'll cost $77 trillion
I wonder if he'll use it all to pay off some of his debt
Or if he'll embezzle it