Soon, sleep soon

Soon,  my eyes will grow tired,
tired of staring at imaginative shadows
and the tiny specs of lights
from here and there;
tired of the sounds coming
from God knows where
and from the hundreds of other
useless excuses that are keeping me
from falling asleep
It would be easier to weep,
to drown in a thousand
stress filled tears;
the same ones threatening
to spill for years;
but just won't
How ironic my life has become;
smiling, laughing, and crying
all in the same breath of air,
a carnival ride of what is
and isn't fair
I've grown used to the shadows
and the tiny specs of light
Even the many imaginative sounds
have become used to me
tossing and turning
like the troubled waves
of a turbulent sea

Soon, my eyes will grow tired


~ Priya 9/29/2020 🕉

In the many silent moments
between us, 
I prayed for the noise of you;
ached for the soft of your voice
and the warmth of your breath,
I missed the kiss of your eyes
and the tiny sighs 
and every sound of you 
that reminded me you were mine 
In the many silent moments apart, 
my heart screamed in pain 
Slowly,  I began to wilt 
and all the castles together we built,
suddenly seemed so far away 

Until you called me .... 
and all the silent moments between us, 
melted away 

~ Priya 🕉 Aug 16, 2020

The years of late
have not been kind to you Papa
I have seen you stumble
and cried as you fall
but more importantly,
I've have watched you crawl
your way back the the top
That is where you deserve to be
at the top of your life
free from strife
living the best of your years
instead of catching all of our tears
You are always
living each moment for us
How proud mom would be
knowing how hard for us you fight
holding us forever tight
in the warmth and love
of your embrace
How proud I am
to call you my Papa


Happy Birthday dad,
I truly love and treasure
every moment of every day
I have with you


~ Priya 🕉

I didn't know how bad I was
how my laughter could hurt you
and how my smile brought you pain
how you needed to beat me again and again

You needed my pain,
to cut me with knives
my blood was your air
and my screams breathed you life

I didn't know how bad I was
that you had to lock me up with fear
gagged, tied, and burnt
from my head to my ears

You needed my pain
to take away yours
so you killed me each day
again and again

I was only eight years old
and I could finally breath peace
I knew I was dying  
I love you mom, I'm sorry I was me

~ Priya 🕉, Feb 29, 2020


In memory of Gabriel Fernandez, a story and a boy that has forever changed me

I love how you make plans,
smiling like an anxious kid
floating on clouds
that only rain for me
excited for the weekend to come
and for all the amazing places
you want to take me
Even through all your
personal torments,
you look happy

I watch you from the side
as if I wasn’t even a part of the plan
as if all my confusion and doubts
that we just talked about
was all in my head
as if you forgot
everything that was said
I watch you make plans
I feel like it’s all for you
but deep down, I know
I know it’s all for me

I wonder,
do you see what I see?

I accept, I'm in denial,
head over heels, madly in love
with living each day in the dark
The bite of truth is so much harder
then the occasional sudden bark
It's easier this way
It hurts less, makes the truth
seem so much less important;
until it's not
Denial felt safe
but never truly real,
and now the bite
I can finally feel;
the ripping of flesh
bit by bit with subtle nips
of truth
Dark was good, but grey ...
this frightens me
I have too many questions
that I'm too scared
to find answers to,
too many clues
that leaves me asking,
What do I do?
So yes, I'm living in no
Let fate question the answers ...


~ Priya 🕉️ Feb 19, 2020

My moment best

Just as the sun, soft and gentle,
rises into the day,
so did my son
Half walking, partially sleeping,
occasionally stumbling,
slowly creeping his way
across the cold tiled floor
until silently,
he stood swaying in my doorway
In the tiniest voice, he whispered,
"Mommy can I sleep with you?"
I opened my arms like the branches of a tree
and like a baby bird to his nest,
as soft as can be
he lay soft against my chest
I knew from then
that from all the moments
and memories of today,
that this would be my best
With his hands wrapped around my waist,
and his breath soft against my chest;
I knew from then
that from all the moments
and memories of today,
that this would be my best


🕉️ ~ Priya