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The windowsill is slightly dusty,
Just enough to push absence into an idea.
There's a lone cobweb, only recently abandoned.
The screen is popped open, and a small breeze escapes the thick velvet curtains.
Nothing's changed.
When you were here, there were still cobwebs
And traces of dust,
And velvet curtains covering busted screens.
Nothing's changed outside the window, either.
There's still a big, dry lawn
Full of imposing weeds and lavender.
The flowers are blooming now,
Their fragrant scent comes in through the window,
Imposing it's presence,
Existing.
Nothing's different for the cobweb,
For the screen,
The curtains,
And the flowers,
They aren't affected by your absence.
They didn't mourn your passing.
For them, today's another summer day,
Another day to exist,
Carry on,
Survive.
No matter how much I tell them,
Scream at them,
Beg them to listen,
They don't understand me,
Or you,
Or us.
Past tense doesn't bother them,
It doesn't tear at their souls
Whenever "was" replaces "is"
Or "knew" replaces "know"
They're too preoccupied with the present,
With existing,
With life.
Their lives didn't stop when yours did,
And now they mock me
With their oblivious,
Unaffected existence.
Dead, in their own way.
Memories dance about their lackadaisical corpses.
I don't remember, any more,
The exact shape of your hands
As I held them in mine,
Caressed them,
Memorized the length of your fingers,
The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."
Copyright by Ash L. Bennett, 2011
 Sep 2012 PreferencesAreKey
ASB
I no longer love you
I have learned to let you go
But even after all these years
Some things I still don’t know

How come that when I look at you
I somehow see forever?
How come that when I think of love
I think of memories?
How come that when I hear your name
A voice’s singing in my head?
How come that every day with you
Is my whole life for me?

How come that you’re the only one
That I want to grow old with?
How come that my heart skips a beat
Each time I see your smile?
How come that even breathing hurts
Just because you don’t love me?
And how come that you broke my heart
And made the pain worthwhile?

It doesn’t really matter
Maybe I don’t need to know
For I no longer love you
I have learned to let you go
Love may be a four letter word but
today it sounds more like
your breath when we're close.
Today it looks more like
your hands endlessly moving
and fiddling with things.
Today it feels more like
your arms around me in the middle of June.
Today love is an overreaction
but I like it.
Today love is said more like
"You should stay here with me."
or "Do you want the rest of my drink?"
Today love smells more like
wet grass and guitar reverb
and air conditioned cars.
Today my head is more like
"I don't even know you."
but my heart is more like
"Who the hell cares?"
Today love is more like
you.
I wish
I could kiss you
One last time
To make sure
We lost our spark
To ensure
No feelings
Will come back
I wish
I could make sure
That my love
Will never
Return
To make sure
That you'll
Never
Break my heart
Again
I just need
To affirm
That you're
No longer capable
Of hurting me
Ever again
I fear this
I'm afraid of this friendship
Petrified to be hurt
Again
Horrified at the mixed feelings
And Signals
I want this to work
But with us
It never seems to
I hope that it'll all be okay
But sometimes
I think you make
Me just too happy
And make my heart
Flutter too much.
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