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And so here I am again sharing my journey;
I am now living among men in this sleepless city
267 years since I sailed away and ventured land to land;
Living deep within the woods among the wolves I made a bond...

Draining the blood of an animal to quench my thirst while the wolves feast after;
I got used to living feeding only on livestocks so no more men may suffer
The wrath of my beastly instinct that feared by many for centuries;
I am the creeping darkness,heartless,cold and vile it's all written in their stories...

I remained calm and humble satisfied with loneliness in exchange of their safety;
As I contemplate my chosen fate, breaking this madness for a ****! Am I even worthy?
A question I never wanted to ask myself again...Never before I felt blessed neither cursed;
All I know is that I have chosen to be someone not something carrying a coffin in a hearse.

The date, 24th of December 2013... It is winter here now, where I finally found a place to belong;
Never before I felt accepted, loved and it feels warm inside that I can truly say I found a home
They are even inviting me into their so called Christmas where Jesus were born sacrificing himself to save us;
Hearing his deed made me realized and even were strived to pursue changes from what I once was...

This is where my journey brought me so far in seek of redemption...
So long for now my dear friend, a diary of my new so called reflection,
Sometimes hiding behind a mask is what we all need to blend in reality;
While the darkest side of you restrained inside forever remains a mystery...
Dreams do come true
Sometimes it gets you high
You could fly right through the window
And into the sky.
Other times it knocks you off
The way it hurts so deep
It dives into your very core.
So dream a good dream
And don't try to wake up
When it is not yet done.
Sometimes dreams are beautiful
When they come to life.
Other times you would wish
Wish it did not happen
Or  pray that it gets better
Than how it began.
Vanished are the veils of light and shade,

Lifted the vapors of sorrow,

Sailed away the dawn of fleeting joy,

Gone the mirage of the senses.

Love, hate, health, disease, life and death

Departed, these false shadows on the screen
    of duality.

Waves of laughter, scyllas of sarcasm, whirlpools
    of melancholy,

Melting in the vast sea of bliss.

Bestilled is the storm of maya

By the magic wand of intuition deep.

The universe, a forgotten dream, lurks
   subconsciously,

Ready to invade my newly wakened memory divine.

I exist without the cosmic shadow,

But it could not live bereft of me;

As the sea exists without the waves,

But they breathe not without the sea.

Dreams, wakings, states of deep turiya sleep,

Present, past, future, no more for me,

But the ever-present, all-flowing, I, I everywhere.

Consciously enjoyable,

Beyond the imagination of all expectancy,

Is this, my samadhi state.

Planets, stars, stardust, earth,

Volcanic bursts of doomsday cataclysms,

Creation’s moulding furnace,

Glaciers of silent X-rays,

Burning floods of electrons,

Thoughts of all men, past, present, future,

Every blade of grass, myself and all,

Each particle of creation’s dust,

Anger, greed, good, bad, salvation, lust,

I swallowed up – transmuted them

Into one vast ocean of blood of my own one Being!

Smoldering joy, oft-puffed by unceasing meditation,

Which blinded my tearful eyes,

Burst into eternal flames of bliss,

And consumed my tears, my peace, my frame,
  my all.

Thou art I, I am Thou,

Knowing, Knower, Known, as One!

One tranquilled, unbroken thrill of eternal, living, ever-new peace!



Not an unconscious state
Or mental chloroform without wilful return,

Samadhi but extends my realm of consciousness

Beyond the limits of my mortal frame

To the boundaries of eternity,

Where I, the Cosmic Sea,

Watch the little ego floating in Me.

Not a sparrow, nor a grain of sand, falls

    without my sight

All space floats like an iceberg in my mental sea.

I am the Colossal Container of all things made!

By deeper, longer, continuous, thirsty,
  guru – given meditation,

This celestial samadhi is attained.

All the mobile murmurs of atoms are heard;

The dark earth, mountains, seas are molten liquid!

This flowing sea changes into vapors of nebulae!

Aum blows o’er the vapors; they open their veils,

Revealing a sea of shining electrons,

Till, at the last sound of the cosmic drum,

Grosser light vanishes into eternal rays

Of all-pervading Cosmic Joy.

From Joy we come,

For Joy we live,

In the sacred Joy we melt.

I, the ocean of mind, drink all creation’s waves.

The four veils of solid, liquid, vapor, light,

Lift aright.

Myself, in everything,

Enters the Great Myself.

Gone forever,

The fitful, flickering shadows of a mortal memory.

Spotless is my mental sky,

Below, ahead, and high above.

Eternity and I, one united ray.

I, a tiny bubble of laughter,

Have become the Sea of Mirth Itself.
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