if i could do no wrong, nothing would ever get done. 
i wouldn't see the fake in me, 
driving a stake through me, 
wrecked or coming undone.

if i were a happier soul,
nothing but light would be shown. 
i couldn't be, wouldn't be- dark eating, dark to my bones, 
crowded yet so all alone.

but, if I were less noisy, and see a little 
less woe in me, 
if were holy, 
who would revere me? 
no. not one of those.
they only enjoy crackling souls.

if I could be left alone, then nothing would ever be wrong. 
i wouldn't see faults in me 
through others' eyes waiting, listing
and mocking the made up things i'd done.

if i couldn't be mistaken, 
no sea of the doubt in their eyes.
just floating not drenched a false image- shadowed nothing at all.
turned around facing the wall.

I sit here for a second
staring, just staring
at the computer screen,
Nerves still chewing on my mind
and my stomach
in a way that's almost painful.
And then i stand and turn
and walk through the building
out the door
across the street
up the stairs
past the main building
up the side path next to the stairs
across the lawn
in the door
up more stairs
and into that dark corner
where i wait for everybody
so this creation,
the poetry club
can begin it's second meeting

Why do they want to hurt me?
Constantly reminding me of my flaws.
Why did you do this and that?
is all I ever hear.
Because i'm sad, and mad and i dont know
what else to do...
so please leave me alone,
let me be.
i dont really know why i do stuff,
it's just a part of me.

I dreamt that I'd tell you,
  I dreamt I'd convince you.
I dreamt you would love me
and I too would love you.
I dreamt of perfection,
a dream so romantic.
I dreamt you would smile
and carefully panic.
I dreamt you would hug me.
  I dreamt we would both see,
together we're better -
  I dreamt you weren't choosy.
I dreamt up the ways
of how I could tell you.
I dreamt up bouquets
and a time and place too.
I dreamt that I told you.
  I dreamt that I could do.
I dreamt that it happened.
  I dreamt of a breakthrough.

instead i told you
at 3am   drunk   on facebook
*and i took it back the next morning