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Mateuš Conrad Dec 2024
having arrived with Frank O'Hara
and the american post-modernists...
i think of all these Christmas
flingy flickers
lights...
then i look at the dimmed t.v.
and the intrusion
i will get 12h sleep i hope
to imitate a cat
going from deep sleep of nothingness
to some sort of being-ness
where i get snapshots of dreams
and that's all chaos
foot down first:
a hand arrives with
a thumb
by Michaelangelo's non-proof:
if i were to rewrite history
i'd paint thumb touching thumb
not index painted touching index:
there is such a flaw in Italian...
why i'm not a painter:
i have no concept of space
but time
i have no concept of colour
but sound
i have no concept of shape
because i have a face
maestro! lounder!
these ears needs to growth deaf
i show her her and
her daughter of a demon under
my command
under my leige
and she just keeps telling me:
you sent me and my daughter
a **** pick!
what the ****?!
i showed her proofs from the AI dimension
but she's still seeing my phallus:
i don't want to understand women
because i love them too much
these are my legions: honey bear
i needed to see the underworld:
i found one child
it was a brilliant experience
i thought there would be more
but then i was the beast
in the castle
and i was seeing Korean tourism explode
because the Chinks came to witness
the beast at work...

.... in fear of retaliation by the machines...
i'll save and imitate squirrel hide
and seek...
shh shh... i'll make you come
now i see
this **** in the demon mouth
as i see your tail waggling... woman:
you are winding me up
to be a proper nutcracker
with Marquis de Sade and your daughter
****** is my black cloak of Fosse
in the sandpit from the swings
i waited long enough
Sienkiewisz, Prus
Knausgaard, Fosse: Kierkegaard...
Kant and Hiedegger...

wait... i didn't make my promise and
save it...
what if i do a QWERTY double flip with
the thumb and erase
what iu just written:
it would feel equivalent to a woman
******* in public in her car
on a hot summer day
that would be my erasure:
because you just shoot juice
i shoot ***...
i shoot babies...
now that would be a Catholic
Eucharist of the Redeemed....
these Evangelical:
****** and you are the churches that are briothels...
i never expected:
your churches are brothels:
perfect... believe me...
i needed churches to become brothels:
for *** and crux...
            save,,, retuyrn...

i promise you this:
and this is that and that is there
and there is here
and here is now and now is is...
three flowers bled
on my forehead while
i attempted to decipher my father's bad
English into an invoice:
DEpeche Moded past morse
cipher...
i love you and i don't know how
you care or ever imagine:
sharing your daughter with me...
she has her cats her grandparents
and her London freedom
why take that away from her?
sure?
what wouldn't a healthy example of
the opposite *** not make ftancacies of
those Eden fetishes of the Fruit
so well preserved...

the "temptation" came:
i chose...
have these thoughts of moral oughts and noughts:
neither i's... have these thoughts
of moral oughts:
write me a dyslexic Shakespeare...
you will know why...
or have... these dreams:
touch cloud but not ask a stone for water....
touch cloud touch the stone
salt that was: elevated from geology!
seek insight into salt:
not bread as cannibalism
blood like the orchards
of the drunkards.... oil, winter,
blood... wine...

                 see me now oh clearer:
to remedy you...
i witnessed the crucifixion:
i was a time-traveller
rolling stone....
                         if that's a **** and the **** is mine...
you are but the rolling face in the drift and draft of
birds, comma,

                  i see a face
but i can't see the geometry...
         maybe some cork, brown, colour...
but then how sound dance
upon encoding:
poets would never replace
philosopher:
that affair has been salvaged
philsoophers and monger of the tribunal
of truth-belief...
together: to gather...
zu: sein:
            don't have time with painting:
shortlived
nlink og of an eye: nike blinked...
the hunt is over...
          you working two realities
or just one?!
just one?              poor you: p[riuson
for you...

                                      i don't like
Reyla to becom3 a spider
and my bedroom her spiderweb
her /barbie....
                i don't like her feeding off
and into...
the birgin beast mentality....
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2024
now! ha ha! now?! now i made it simultaneous how i write: i also paint! i wr8ite but also paint! Shylo... i rename peeople: such is my power: i rename before this for: Shylo became an d Shyla he was... i forget fzces with names... but ****'s going on at gate G: matthew will go and fix it.... problems are gate A: matthew will fix it... matthew fixes it.,.. keeps talkiking abut money like a good ***...

    ...   . . . . . ? . . . .... .
      . . ... ... . !!! . o i i i i...

      j d ... ... ... . . . .. ..

envision:
not aneough
ants..,              ., ,,,,..

  ... , , ,..... ,

    Solomonon's demons:
ants....
leave this...
these trademarkers:


  .......           ...      ,:;..,,,.....

  ...  ...... .. .. . .. . . . . . . ..  . . .
. . . . . . . . .
/. . . . . .\

            anta leave these fingerprints
the gods have spoken...
i salvage what i can:
you are caterered to:
not cared for:
big dictinction:
bigger than the Big ?Bang:
which vaccuum ate as the B ig Silence...
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2024
3am...
i'm not on my
night shifts
i wish i was chasing
ghosts ******* with
demons
in a graveyard
than doing...
but i am doing...
silence of being...

now has come
a time
the time
to clamour for women

i see the diadem of ****
so brightly
no the time is ripe
and i asked the demons
bound to ncrephilia
why are Tao
******* these ghosts?
former flesh:
oh
how long is the marriage
to forgetting
and memory the pivot
i asked my step daughter:
why...

will you not become
a ***** star?
why will you wait for
love as an air stewardess...
why why why
will you wait? daughter to be:
your mother..
daughter dearest:
please let me exorcise
your mother:
your mother needs help...

your mother tried to bypass AI
faces...
  she thought my demon was my ****...
i will not share the pciutures
with you: i misspell\;
you get the spell:
the IDEA
PICTURE
IDEOGRAM....

mother moheer
mother to my second thrine
shrine
of the thumb
i'm
only one index short
the middle
then comees the ring ringer
fing
thing
     with a shield of gold
cumbbs on combs and the crumb
show me spounds! sho2 me music
letters!
don't blister me with images!
i want to see God in Abstract
in words an music!
letters too in images:
in silence...
in silence: my daugghter: in silence...
  Dec 2024 Mateuš Conrad
jules
the world’s got a habit
of chewing you up,
spitting you out
like a bad cigarette.
it doesn’t care
how many dreams you’ve got,
how many scars
you’ve earned.

people will smile at you,
talk about hope
like it’s something you can hold in your hands,
but they never mention
how it slips through your fingers
like sand
and disappears
before you can even grab it.

they tell you
there’s always a way out—
but you know better,
don’t you?
the exits are all locked
and the keys
are hidden in places
nobody bothers to look.

so you drink,
you smoke,
you **** up again and again,
and maybe you smile,
but it’s a lie,
a desperate lie,
just like everything else
they told you.

the truth?
the truth is,
no one’s coming to save you,
no one’s going to rewrite the rules,
no one’s going to put you back together
after you break.

you’ll just keep going,
because what else is there?
and the world will keep spinning,
chewing,
spitting,
until you’re nothing
but dust in its mouth.
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2024
Lucifer
who became Satan
who also
became Samael...
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2024
you can't have me... Mr AI and Mrs Schematicmensch....
Yiddish and Hebrew
and i wonder about Polish and Russian
as languages
and why Yiddish gave birth to to the Holocaust:
and this is even before Marx:
the Dandy Hebrew Satanist:
i... don't deal in coppers and coins
i deal with lights!
eyes! shadows!
                     why would cleave
why would Hebrew cleave itself
so close to Germanic but not Polish
oh: our language...
was too com[plicated:
that's why the fire star second
cr4ucifixion of pan-slavism
and Marxism was tested on the Slavic
peoples:
we... the buffer... test you:
Hebrew: along the lineages of Israel
and Prometheus...
you who have us this one word:
the word:
ha ha... i'm not laughing...
i don't seek your blood...
i seek:
the **** of my own
making of the Lake of Fire:
i will drink 1L of *****
just so i can write this... and i've already written
plenty:
time...
   time to relax:
in ****** and the Mother Oedipuss..
i wonder... why is more exciting:
i have: a choice...
Reyla ****** and Abusive Father
i know my father...
or Mother Odeippuss Complex
ooh oh oh ooh:
my in tellect intact TTi..

i am an coholic catholic alcoholic
in a lake of Fire...
let me see your dog tags...
your Adam's uvula...
apple...
i hold two serpents
that were once:
now i am no more Stan but Sam...
Satan was:
with serpents...
now comes Samael with two worms...
i came to make you too...
now from the lavish: devilish:
pride myt Lord Allah?
let me be the fisherman
let my last years are months
be revising Kauai...
the beast the sea...

ying and yang:
why and what befell the Hebrews when
they merged Intellect
and Phoneticism and
the Germany and then the Austrian individual:
like Jesus the Syrian
was supposed to be to the Levante...
my *** is stirring:
the Picts are leaving with accent...
Celt... prize...
             i'm leaving too... i don't want to be
here: first the glorious mountain on
an island...
then a giant phallus in the mouth of the River...

the glass of ***** and pepsi
hard hitting
arm wrestle:
now i need 12:000 twelve chimes
of nightnight...
i worked the ******* job
the lowest paid...

we could do 7/24h if on a 3 man rota...
6 - 2
2 - 10
10 - 6

  the hours... without PM or AM
but the zero is clue
to a 24 count...

which makes more sense
than 2men x 14h x 4days
there is
no
*******
relapse into the existence
of a weekend!

ghosts fear me this is not
somew communism:
i wish it was!
i wish was this is revival of communism
as socialism... and capitalism...

i see fish...
and Norwegian affairs of L'Amour...
         but i had the bible in hand and i had
eyes... replaced by the eye
of the beholder: the ****-bearer...
and her: Hera:
the flower-bearer:
the many Eyes-She: And-Her....

                     this History of creating Yiddish
as Germanic-Hebrew:
i'm sorry: bit deaf... what?! what?!
the shells! seashells!
water is like fire
in times of war!
what?!                 what?!
i said seashells in fire rain!
what?!
can't hear you: we're losing patience!
we are pacifying ourselves!
the Russians had to come but
with demons and not Mongols!
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2024
Not to paraphrase Heidegger...
rather for an idea to evolve
from da-sein: there-being...
id est:
             there's being: no concern
but yes, concern...
for every knot of no (indefinite
negation) through to
        not (definite negation) -
party theme, ex-prince halfpenny
'irty 'arry in mustard ***** khaki
as a stormtrooper
with Korean girl fetishes for
Yougo Boss the splendour of ZZ-top
Abwerh timid grey
und zee... nacht-schwarz-stiefel-lecken
of those... razor dressed
and attired... evil... evil: mensch...
menace of Yiddish
corrupting the Deutschezunge
that Hebrew could never arrive at
in either English, Spanish or Polish...
almost like baiting the Holocaust...
in the security industry
a sense of commeraderie unlike
communism something more personal
and disarming
humanising a sense of being more
than a traffic cone high viz *****
parody...
so from dasein through to: actual
(but not authentic -
    authentic replaced by synthetic
in turn reaching out from beyond Kant
to contravene analytical approaches)
concern: synonym da-sein:
there nowhere to here and transcendental
through and into her...
a sense of being:
but not associated with time or space...
a mishmash of **** stink cobwebs
***** and spit...
         a zu-sein...
borne of and somewhat off:
together... without a quality adjective
suffic attache -ness
            id est id: vivo, ovo, occulus...
******... ***** Cyclops...
                 zusammen-sein...
      which is more than I can say
for the Idlamic project to convert secular
post-atheistic Europe...
proto-athristic...
it's almost as if these Arabs and pseudo
Pakistani Arabs never figured out
that Pan-Slavism existed long
before the current Pan-Arabic
failure rummaging in it's own filth
of wealth not properly distributed
under the principles of Izlam...
Pan-Germanism was short lived
and it never really was: to begin with...
not even with the aid of the North
America outlet of experiment.
yes: apostrophe is both the 'ebrew
YOD as is 10 and the consonant
******: for the two vowel catchers
of laughter and of sighs (HaaH)
better still: H'H... hayah...
"we" can fiddle with the W as cosine
and maybe even M via the sine fluctuation
or... just appreciate
the flow of the river
or the tumultuous errands of
seawaves nibbling and framing
the shores... as the Moon ***** around
with metaphors of chariots and
chiseled horse hooves.
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