The 1st night: delirium...
just a spaz-o-me I made so many
faux pas impromptus
in the group's WhatsApp
that the owner, curiously only
sent the following reply: ???
the other days he would
just inquire without judging
my lingo quirky (my lingo quirky?
depends how you want
to express the same finite)...
2nd night was just a gearing up
for a plateau, third night
broke me... co wisi, nie utonie:
what hangs will not drown...
fatalistic and I think that's how
you can start to remedy
Nietzsche's angst...
if modernity is to be saved from
a lack of religious coherency
that works for the benefit of society
and society being an organism
and a city being a microcosm
of where the organic meets
the transformed inorganic...
truly... but wait... let me just get
my secular bible put and double check
the meaning of fatalism...
fatalism: hmm... I don't agree with
the premise that fatalism
is a stance of submissiveness -
in the vein of "argument"
it would be self-evident that Islam
is a variation on fatalism:
but submission is not in my focus
when I think about fatalism...
I'm thinking on the covert lines:
with coercive lineage to give...
to imbue the word with a new meaning
dissociated from the perceived-meaning
of submissiveness...
I implore fatalism as an attitude
to nihilism by giving it a meaning
best associated with the quality
of subversiveness... multiple tasks st
hand... the autistic 15 colt
lounging on the perimeter of
the premises I'm watching over:
where Hades becomes Cerberus:
Celt and the team Celtic:
no quits to **** a kaleigh without kilts:
garçon: ah the autocorrect spewed
a diacritical mark like a vowel
in Hebrew... I pity the English for
their love of classical music...
so far Friday is the best night of the week
to listen to Classic.fm
and I won't be a BBC RADIO 3 snob...
Jonathan Woss up to 9pm
then Sue Spencer on her own sort of
idiosyncratic wacky to Anractica
via Slovenia? The nuns did this to her...
I love the inverted voyeurism
the parodying the intact psychologism
of the radio that the t.v. just
cannot replicate...
given that the radio is audible
and not audio and visual...
you cannot forsake two senses...
next thing you know a t.v. will
not only provide a visual distraction
with the audible one
but also a scented ******* culinary trip...
but the radio is not a distraction
but a compliment, an accompiment
to a lo g shift (n)...

tonight I also discovered the potency
of Jamaican tonic wine... Magnum...
one label on the 200ml 16.5% read:
the name "tonic wine" does not imply
health giving or medicinal properties...
another label lists the following:
caffeine 12.0mg
iron 4.80mg
niacinamide 6.30mg
vitamin B2 1.20mg
vitamin B6 0.10mg
vitamin B12 0.48mcg...

hey, it's coming to 12am, I finish
this shift at 7am... then I'll refresh
my self, wash my ******* brush
my teeth, shave to preserve my beard's
shape...
solve the stale stink of armpits
put on a white shirt and a tie
and head to Wembley for another 12h
until 1am for the boxing match
between Joshua and Dubois...
duck's sake... I was initially booked
as a supervisor ringside with about
30 people under me...
instead I was rebooked as an external
quadrant manager...

mineral waters
bottling
Cisiowanka
Muszynianka
how many times of mineral waters
are sold in Poland?
Well in England
you have still and sparkling...
in Poland you have half-sparkling
mineral water...
Muszynianka is rich
and so different
with a magnesium-calcium complex...
water indeed has taste
when certain minerals are
either combined or there
was that trip to Bath with well...
**** water, high in sulphates,
volcanic remnants...
but bottling... the Magnum Tonic
wine is too sickly sweet to be drank
undiluted with sparkling mineral water...
and no it's not a conventional
wine, sour, so creating a kalimotxo
is a bad idea...

so say san pellegrino
is superior to a perrier...
subjective observation
based off of the label: no truth to it...
just a bias...
but... perrier is still sold
in glass bottles... while san pellegrino
is sold in plastic bottles...
milk used to be sold
in glass pint bottles
and I remember staying up at night
to get a whiff of the job
that was... being a milkman
driving an electric car before
this current supposed revolution
*******...
just like 40 years ago people
we're more green, more environmentally
conscious... glass like metal?
♾️ recycling potential: **** me d'uh!

just scrolling through the photographs
of all the classic.fm presenters
while contemplating the genius
of the English people
yet that forlorning of:
my my... no musical genius among them!
Elgar was not a musical genius,
Handel was not English
nor was Holst
and Vaughan Williams... well...
but for a people so appreciative of classical
music, it cries, the situation...
and with that vacuum came
all the pop sensibilities of the 20th century.

I admit, first night was hell...
and hell is not a place of screaming
and torture or fire
and crowd management panic
of a stampede...
it's a silence, a dealing eating silence
to suppose fish don't feel pain
with the exception of the fish
that are also mammals,
whales: who commit suicide by
beaching themselves...
that's not suicide Jonah?
When was the last time a whale
was invoked with such majesty-biblical
the former hellspawn of the depths
Yes what depths are to speak
of Mr. Psychologist if the whale
is a creature that requires a breath
it's not some lantershish
some abomination but a familiar beating
heart of mammalian unison...
hell is a silence... a deafening awe
that pairs scissors with knives...
mountains with former mountains
that are now deserts...
what used to be the great mountains
of Sahara... so much so that people
decided to revise what used to be
by spitting and ******* and *******
a birth of civilization via the concept
of life preserved eternal
in the great necropolis:
first night, just humming of the cctv
computer, that eight eyed ghoul...
i the ghost to boot...
impromptu: buy myself a radio....
patua spreschen...
in the 12h from 7pm to 7am
there is so much you can do...
with sugar and caffeine
and I started smoking again to double up
on what caffeine misses...
reading Dune with enough time
apart from seeing the movie
to appreciate the words...
backgammon and the banality of
games of fate, chance, imagine chess
being orientated around the luck, the draw,
die...
reaching out to loved ones, esp one,
magnetic girl: dried pasta muncher
as I wonder: pebble dust if she
switched to a diet of swallowing metal
knots...
I am mentally drained and finally
reaching a worker-ant crescendo
of being numbed into a dissociation
von-sein-da (from-being-there) or hier:
heir to "a" here: problem solving
Athens and the Germanic black root
of humor and full moons
Arbeit arbeit macht not so frail...
Tiredness and the contingency plan
of thinking about endurance sports...
like walking marathon lengths of distance
is easier than standing as pilgrim
in the fort of pillar for the same amount of time:
if not double that...
only today I wept at the sun
then talked
then laughed
then became mad spontaneously
and only for a short while...
besides the capacity to have
to eat for the reassurance of stamina...
there's only so much you can do
within the confines of the night on
a 12h ball breaker...
I get bouts of insatiable need to
******* to ease off the pressure
on my shoulders, Promethium Atlas
rereading of the vicinity...
but! if I treat writing this dribble-scribble
like others might relax when
solving a crossword puzzle...
8 cameras and I try to be professional
about it, namely: to be present
but also with the alias: invisible:
gently nudging reality into motion
beginning from the shadow-front...
then I wait for the hour of radio
transmission from 12am onwards
where advertisers give up churning
milk into the butter to dough of
attention spans willing to shpend
shpend shpend.... seriously?
Pedantic of me: if Liszt the Z is a surd
like in thought you can write
(th)ou(gh)t...
I ought I not note oughts and noughts...
primo: th is
what conjecture is relating
theta to eta...in Greek...
This third night and I'm in my element
I am finally orientated
to the compactness of scrutiny of space
and the hyperbolic concept of time-fluctuations:
minutes are meaningful...
hours are meaningless...
days are organic...
weeks and perhaps...
months don't exist...
years I pardon with the gravitas of
a meaning that's inorganic...
time is a special creature
while space with all the universe
so... oh so *******... un- -spec- -tac-
-ular! Ursuline girls would know...
Tis my first night of writing while
on the "job" and how gratifying
the similtude of being ambidextrous
schizoid bilingual of mind..
Schubert first... people should seriously
switch off their t.v. sets and get into
the kink of listening
to classical music radio station at night...
the **** and geese flying?
Solo goose... sorry missed that
Bad WiFi in Lebanon?
Walkie Talkies exploding because
Zee Chimney ChooChoos said so?
Mount my ******* Orion to Zion cannon
of trajectory?
This **** had been happening
since that eventful day I was flying
back from Kauai, last year, 7th October,
2000... 23...
wow... only 15 minutes past 11pm
And I have 8 hours to conjure up
a human with abrupt allowances
of deviating from the magic of:
making inanimate objects animate!

the owls of vowels
and the howls of sufficient hows,
this be the night to break me,
give me posture, salvage the most
reverent of potential:
to have character and above
all else a machine like stamina:
to only dictate a tomorrow -
a night shift among
walking tombstones of
the dead-not-yet-death...
for an ordeal to not be a Joshua
or a Dubois in the ring...
under the microscope of
a 90,000 crowd scrutiny...
body-without-organs...
   this sigma of machinery...
tongue, eyes, mouth and ***:
no sensual deviance, strict obligation
to that zenith of competence
and reliability to be governed
by wage: best earned without
much thought concerning spending (it)...
Ralph Vaughan Williams...
5 variants of 'dives Lazarus':
O how he must have scolded that
resurrection
orishas trapped between
the unconscious drive towards red
yet with a conscious bias for green.

3rd night of your typical ordeal...
sober then tired
then drunk from tiredness
then sober from tiredness...
I would have never admitted
O the luxury spent
Scribbling to no avail a veil
and it isn't even winter yet
so the air is the cool and warm
zenith of autumn
with the sun being somewhat
forgiving...
if only I had all my fingers attired
to a keyboard not this twinkle
and twiddling thumbs on a shmartfoonz
on my way to "work"...
any association with arguments
of personal space dissociated
crammed into a late running northern line
just four stops from Morgate
to Elephant & Castle...
two blonds not a nightclub dance floor
awkwardness...
and the whiff I got...
of their hair... soapy and not...
a perfume of candyfloss...
and more...
that absinthe soaked sugar cube
being set alight and caramelised
on a spoon... a ****** a heroine of scents...
and oh how I miss sleeping in the night
the agony of a farewell to the sultry hours
where one can become infuriated
with so many details the day allows
whereby the same details in the night
become o O so monstrously bigger...
the senses seemingly dimmed
but also more acute...
all that could be missing is a ritual
best associated with the prancing of
naked witches at a sabbath-*****-****...
came the night from the 17th to the 18th
of September: super harvest moon...
where the wolf to the past participle
of: no... past simple... to (have) been...
a wolf? So what would be the past
complex?
For all the rigidity of grammar...
     a flow of language that doesn't abide
by rules: each to his own version of
a workaround collapse: imperfectly strident.
Nocturnes no. 16 in F major
John Field...
                                 and until 7am...
that rubric of songs on the radio
simply overflows with minutes of
meaning in the hours of banality.

mądrość murzyna:
gadaj ile się da: więcej ile trza...
mądrość murzyna:
rapu rapu rapój...
daj boże ile się da:
zora na pastwisko!
daj boże daj znać:
następstwe mego... oj nie!
madrość murzyna:
gadaj daj gadać: ile! nú(!)
nú(!) dawaj panie!
daj mu gadoty ile trza!
mądrość murzyna:
zagłusić boga: trzą! wybryk!
hāk tùá!
zagłuśιć: o tak... tak pewny
jestem: o tak; tak jak jestem
pewny że to: to tylko i to: jest
jak ja, tylko ja.
boże może że to nie było
morze albo nie tak.

well...
if the priest caste is to be so undermined
and religion (supposedly):
this religion is to stand
on one foot with the imitation
of the crucified one:
for centuries the priestly caste held monopoloy
over literacy:
and men were seemingly content
doing their chores:
arbeit macht frei:
or rather:
arbeit heilen alle wehe...
work the cure of all woes...
why do women associate Christ
with something romantic...
love for fellow man
respect for fellow man
does not somehow invoke
a romancing of the cross...
the star of david like the *******
about to turn by the eternal clock...
turn the star of david to the side
away from the dynamic of
the two pyramids:
not from the bottom up
like christ:
i will not speak from a top
to the bottom... the plateau... of humanity...
but turn the star of david to the side...
unleash the torrent of a reading mat
and an open book: or the two horns...
i can't be subservient to a man
who wanted to be crucified:
the explanations are too ridiculous
as much as having faith in
the torture... to explain a gravitas...
because he wasn't speaking
to the fishermen as such...
instead the topic was organised warfare
guriellas... Che Che...
Shem said of the Sadducees and
the Pharisees like the ancient Britons
might have said of the horror
of the reincarnated Italian ******...
swindling praises on women
and wolf whistling at them:
i never... really had any interest in women:
i always found them:
intellectually: incompatible...
sorry... truth be told: i'm not sorry...
but if the priestly caste is undermined
then there is no warrior caste
there is only the plateaus of
the working class
and the consumer caste...
and people wonder where their money
goes:
plastic orb plasticity...
so change of tactic:
an 4 day working week: 12h shifts:
nights where i will finally finish
reading Dune:
enough time has passed that allowed
me to forget the movie adaptation:
and there are at least 6 more books i have
to rummage through:
i'm all to eager to hear about
the God-Emperor... the great worm...
and it brought me full circle to the concept
of women
and one in particular:
this Russian... who would be adamant
about petting tarantulas, serpents, venus catch-flies...
well! why not go one step ahead
and start petting parasites!
why not fuse your eyes with worms eating
at your sight!
why not start petting parasites!
why not counter all the technologocial
advancements with biological
symbiosis!
woman! is there something you're not telling me?!
woman! is there something you're not telling me?!
you! infuriate me! with you choice
of pleasures about what and who i am supposed
to feel comfortable with!
you can't expect me to believe all these
refugees are actors of good faith
when they make you look like something
worse than a child
in how these rapists etc
just spew into our society
and etc
                but sure... pet a tarantula...
pet a serpent...
       i'll go one step ahead of you:
how about ingesting a parasite...
a worm...                  one wriggling in your
eye of the agony of the heart...
now tell me, how it is: that this is:
that it isn't: otherwise...

as man is a dualism and an euphoria:
then woman is a dichotomy and a catharsis...
i don't need some grammatical
quasi-explanation
to identify: the asexuality of the use of language...
but if it will come to this...
god discriminates indiscriminately...
and that's to his benefit:
since god sees all one eyed:
only allah sees both good and evil
and man's confusion...
brought about by the adverse: reversing
to progress further:
satan less a tool but a mechanism
to prevail to satiate the hunger of the
ethereal and the organic to meet
head to head with the inorganic
and yet the mechanisms of the celestial...

ethereal of thought and spirit in the biological
form...
while the celestial of movement and potential
in the inorganic form...
if the priestly caste is to be undermined...
no wonder... that there are no
grand walls of Troy surrounding
a Europe: that has become a funnel
a transitory sub-continent equivalent
to India:
Europe and India are twins...
we are yet to shuffle this torrent of people
to some magical elsewhere
like Antarctica the moon or the deepest
bottoms of the seas.

on a throne of wrath: dorned with a crown
of the most abysmal figure of
contentment of peace: i posit a torture better
to surpass a hanging: while standing: chess: ugh:
that tiresome game.

just thinking about the (use of the) English language
among the Wanstead crowd...
those hipsters and familial ******* jockstraps
of pride:
whereby, also, single women, puppy mumma's
carry their poodles around with wry smiles
of self-awareness that doesn't translate into self-assurance
these holistic pop up site
these tappings on the forehead as if to prompt
the awakening of the bindi or buddha's third, mind-eye...
just one: considering Islam: allah has two mind eyes...
which makes him a Jewish joke
like myopia is Allah the four eyed quadratic
like i have letters in my name:
two rugby posts: H H...
and Y the serpent's tongue
and the W or the wave of time...
what my woman can't: simply can't... understand...
as a Catholic and not as a Catholic:
i can't be subordinate to Christ...
for all his staged suffering i am a stoic
in understanding all the suffering that happens
in the world in silence and in darkness
and in isolation:
this proselyte messiah or the messiah
of the proselytes:
how we would all become magical mushroom
Jews: Hebrews!
this pagan soul is intellectual...
i am a pagan intellectual: i'm curious about
the world, about language:
i don't need! a ******* iron maiden crucifix
pose to settle the score with:
with god i can settle the matter on affairs of
words and letters...
so... e.g. the tetragrammaton and the allah
contender immediately settled...
two of my poems saw absolution:
saw the compedium the final banality of what
life is was and was not to be...
i saw time as a fraction in light:
because time... oh time is so unlike light:
the stars...
time is the indivisible the incalcuble:
i do not dwarf under the weight of an ever
expanding universe, space doesn't bother me:
but time?
light and the stars are equivalent
to 0.000000000000001 meaning of time...
rough estimate...
put enough zeros behind and put enough
zeros in the mirror of creation and hey presto!
satan's clause and mickey mouse!

palm sunday meets rosemary twig Monday...
have to start smelling like a ***** Monsestary bound
European...
i never wanted women like some men
i wanted...
i didn't want anything...
i was just thinking about language...
definite articles...
did you... know...
that nothing is a pronoun, it is also a pronoun...
***? non-existent...
i am just realising:
i might not be a racial minority in London
(questionable):
but i'm certainly an ethnic minority:
i'm an anglo-Slav like borrowing from
the Anglo-Saxons who treated the Welsh
and the Scots and the Irish so poorly:
why the Welsh Irish and Scots treated
the Romans and the Romans in turn treated
them
as the modern Afghans of the way way
way ahead of you...
the definite article: the...

        ðeh         þought:

so these women these nuns think, still! still think!
"think": that he died as the sacrificial totem
akin to the chemistry associated with preserving
biology: from mummies
to taxidermy... taxidormy... i'm writing
and i'm not getting red line underlining prompt
to correct my spelling:
as i told Alex:
you know what really bothers me about America?
they treat Catholics with the same suspicions
as Muslims...
but they have these new age churches
with pastors dressed in Hawaiian shirts
and they're dyslexic...
what's wrong with dyslexics?
i'll tell you: for centuries there was a monopoly
on literacy and we had a priestly class
and a warrior class
and the masses were illiterate:
as we the warrior class:
but the priestly class were the gatekeepers
of literacy...
and look what happened! under Christianity:
and Islam followed suite:
and Jews remained: rats: basically Jews:
i identify as an urban rat... urban fox...

two syllable surnames, ha ha:
HIT-LER
STA-LIN
FRAN-CO
Mussolini doesn't ******* count
the courtesan the dear bongo bongo
apparently a Gad o Sad
described Italian men as the ideal lovers:
drama courtesans...
i can't imagine myself
being filled with the purpose of
chasing women...
El-ert...

           o.k. o.k. language...
indefinite article A
indefinite negation article: NO
definite article THE
definite negation article: NOT

so among the knots of no there emerges the NOT
to shun all No...
i'm having trouble dissociating
the positive: the anti-negation articulation
into bullet of: a no the not...

yes... the s bothers me: since
there's also the plural article s
and the possessive article 's... no?
so we came to this Wanstead "festival" like
marounding pirates:
a scouser an anglo-slav...
a pakistani and an india
and two mixed race prototypes...
the pirates have landed...
the children noticed us...
oh my... i never thought i would see
that side of Lyndon:
he had a bollocking about call signs and Disney
and waffles
but then he did what
Mark Leggit would have done
by touching the child, lifting the child:
trying to play father:
which prompted the women
to ask for his identification
because:
i never thought i would see
a man become: as the women put it:
get... clucky...

do i wish to have children?
wouldn't a partner equivalent to the age
of my mother and a teenage daughter
i could have given ***** to: suffice?
don't know...
           maybe i'm not supposed to...
i can appreciate the fact that my observations
are precious and precarious enough
to be held withstanding the desires
and the needs for having a woman
and children in my life with
biological knots: of no nots...

how the **** do you distinguish saying
yes once from saying yes
a number o' times (apostrophe F)
intelligent? are we?
let's test you:
on the rack of dog ownership:
i own cats: they're not social events sort
of animals...
remind me... i'm tapping my fingers...

in my youth i was so gsagging to travel
to India... joke being?!
India came to me! ha ha!
me ******* off to Kauiai with dyslexic
pastors
and who should the current priesthood be?
the ******* algorithm and AI writers...
this is the new religion
these are the new literacy barons...
they just need a pope a St Peter
maybe a St Matthew to give them focus
concerning: how much ******* power,
power: they have:
there is no longer will to re-establish the power
already governing the people!
there is a new "dyslexia"!
i'm part of it!
      i'm illiterate in the domain of coding:
coding is the new literacy:
but i'm watching all these children and i'm...

backgammaon!
it's a game of strategy at first...
less strict than chess...
but enough time passes
and backgammon
becomes
a desert queen of: just strip baby: just strip...
there's a banality in the game
when all chance-tactic-non
equaluates itself:
like there's the existence of a game
and there's a yawn because
there's a revisionist yawn of consciousness
of: we were... playing a game... weren't we?
oh... so you're right: mr. wellyard...
commotion in the bar? none:
i just looked the part
and kept a stern face and sunglasses
on when the kiddy teenage girls noticed
i was still wearing a friendship bracelet
form a Taylor Swift gig (anti-hero:
ugh... now my favorite song)...
i just thought one word... now maybe two or three:
now... comes the sweetness...
teenage girls in provocative attire of knee high socks...

but language though...
so a: indefinite article
the: definite article...
no: indeinite negation
not: definite negation...

      it's not so easy with the definite
and indefinite affirmation to counter negation...
i already said:
time and light and what passes:
light is a fraction of the concept of time...
time is like light:
physics is the study of the potential of energy
chemistry is the study of the potential of substance...
biology is the study of the potential of consruct...

one ******* hippy festival
in a crux of geopolitical affairs
and all the ginger **** purple haired dog ladies
start going mad
like i put on this fat facade face of concrete
because i've been standing on my feet for 10h
and had only a 30min break and bad chicken...

oh my, oh my... i'm going to get so
much reading done on my shifts at the Elephant &
Castle... just 1h away...
i'll finish Knausgaard's vol 6...
           and say goodbye to Joseph, my grandpa...
i think that's when i will break into tears
and give the homeless a nightclub esque...
no no...
but i will certainly cycle on my: prized possession
of a Bias... Basis... Basis...
tourmalet...
                 and think more about the popish
and the priestly: neu-klass...
             if no one is daring to address the concept
of revising literacy...
then we'll be left with barbaric grafitti giraffes to
show for it...
it only takes a miner and a grave-digger
to suss out the middle-class and ask for Buddha...
because Christ is for Kings
and not the paupers... ha ha!
Christ is the god of kings and not some petty...
drama queen Sri Lankans and Puerto Ricans!
Christ is not the god of the paupers
he's the god of kings!
i can't have Christ in my life!
the ****** had a father for a carpenter
and a mother who lied about being an adulterous *****!

ha ha!         just that... Islam makes so much
more nugget: of sense in me!

seriously?! we're going to have this: "conversation"?
the imbeciles... new literacy was spawned
and we're still just: scribbling terrible rhyming
work load ethics of words just being used?
just... being used?
and what are the remnants of the old
priestly caste?
before the death of god: or maybe after:
i see something more wonderous than
the death of god:
i am witnessing a death of belief:
or rather:
i see belief being woven into tectonic pressures
of having to become evolutionary
viable: to be preserved:
not for any specific dogma: of a people: for a people:
but for the ultimate scrutiny of existence:
that existence as an experience
that can be reciprocated with the acknowledgement
of man: can be: and will be: preserved.

p.s.

i think, the only way to utter...
the definite articulation of anti-negation:
plural ye as in yeS...
in the most affirmative-idefitiness is
via the existenial brackets "/"
ergo: via: yes is the definite-affirmative-article
while aye... ultimately: yourself (reflexively)
your self (reflectively)... is
the only i: of the indefinite-affirmative articulation:
and article... not a pronoun.