Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2024
concept albums: Lao Che and Gospel:
it's not exactly the English variation of concept
albums akin to Prog Rock...
this is sort of Prog Rock fusion with ska
and punk...                 it's rather refreshing:
like this beer i'm currently drinking...
after waking up at 9:30am sharp
having come home from a shift at 1am...
Pan Diesel... i hate this song...
i started writing when it came on...

cleaned the house... or as my mother says:
the streets and the plazas...
not the cobwebs and the crannies...
leaving the dust to accumulate:
a typical bibliophile mentality
of being phobic about cleaning books
like one might clean furniture...
but i sort of overcame it saying goodbye
to grandpa Joe
by cleaning his room
while Martin, his son:
spent 2 years or at least 1 drinking himself
to madness and eventually
madness that couldn't find an outlet
in art as the one: who creates...
he just sat in the kitchen and drank and ate
sausages, those dried out
FAGAS of a pepperoni...
didn't clean the father's room
the father dragged him down the father
dragged him down
should he know to have spoken
with Matthew...
about the roaming stars:
should you, Matthew, have Eve's:
your mother's temperament...
you would conquer the world:
dear Joe:
i am conquering the world...
dear Joe:
i am conquering the world...

   my totem of the fox came to meet me
at the CRAT...
the crayton: the craytor...
the Coliseum of Wembley...
it's all on c.c.t.v. with Huginn and Muninn...
the magpie of the trinity
the cctv...
                   me and LambeRto were talking
about Venice and Rome...
he comes from Rome LambeRto from Rome:
Venice is unique... a revision of Atlantis...
the mythological origins of the ancients
even the Romans thought themselves
as those ejected from Anatolia
as the Trojans...
Trojans... Romans were Trojans...
the English think themselves Greeks but are
known to only speak of Saxony...
so... no great agenda just a spirit of change
and the empire...
now trodden and dismantled...

                       the spirit of perversity and freedom
i still grapple with
the terminology of politics
distinction between ****** assault
and ****** harassment...
and the rainbow and the rainbow and the rain
and the light...
and only having one eye...
yet with imagination not given to the crows...
i have an imaginary hotel
in my empty socket...
and too much skin folding like bedsheets:
i need to change my bedsheets: i think
there is the crow of thought
and there is the crow of memory
there's the magpie of cctv
and there's worm of imagination
where once my eye was:
and i align myself with YHWH
against all?! ah: allah-blah
blah blah blahlah... allahblahblahallahblahallah...

one of jałej

JAŁEJ
                 JŁJ                                     na jabeŁ
mojego Oskara Darszana...

             muzyka w końcu boli:

oh at work oh at work oh at work i have so much
transcendence
the fox the german blabbering and crying
after being ejected
and me wanting to speak German
but instead prompting his bilingualism to come out
with:

                      WAS?! and i said it so subtly,
and so emotionally calming...
what?!                  alles gut?
i.e. what's wrong?

                       Judaic accents in Lao Che: the clarinet
and the roof and no violin
no fiddler for the oncoming Holocaust:
an Anti Jihad an Anti Crusade...

as far as i was concerned there's no slumber in hunger
and just alternative thinking
no headache just a head and a heart
which is probably enough to cause a headache
confining this brain this fruit
and these eyes and these ears
and how resonance blisters
                              a horizon of vibration...
not of light: what one hears rather than seas:
how everything is bound by sound
and speaks...
the fly buzzing a Morse depeche
squiggly line
then a silent voice in my head
says: it will not make do with avoiding:
writing this...
and i know you think the sun is shining
and you need your vitamin D
and the exercise and the air
not this stalemate of writing:
last night's battle... metaphors a bitten into
sausage
on a cup mat on the table...
and a broken fridge magnet:
a mexican hat... in pieces...
but i didn't overturn the cat's bowl...
that's why i cleaned the house...
i overturned a cat's bowl full of food
and i thought about
the crow of memory
and the crow of thought
and the magpie of the cctv
and then...
the worm... living in the socket
of my plucked out eye...
the apple i ate before
thinking about woman
and telepathically she acknowledged
and ate of the fruit
as i kept the worm...
living now in my L.....        R...
if i'm right handed:
which would be the eye to better coordinate with?
would i need to see my right
arm with my right eye
or would it be better to... not see through my left eye?

oculus per oculus...
nowhere is it cited except in the Quran that
the god of the Israelites is a plagiarism
of Odin...
               Allah is not one-eyed...
then... of the old pantheons... Greeks are their own
unique(s)...
i just want to listen to some Taylor Swift
but this Lao Che concept album Gospel is still playing
and like someone dedicated
i want to finish listening to this album in one go
ensoo...
                rather than changing music: take a break!
take a break!
eureka! AI: an advert comes on: even though
i downloaded BRAVEapp and it was a way to bypass
subscribing to youtube to be advert free...
but there's something special about harmonizing with AI
a frequency assertiveness...
there's still so much to unpack from yesterday...

or maybe i'm just bothered that i have
Edie and Alexander in my life:
the lover and the artist...
both entwined: talking with Samina
at work like a priest:
how i learned she lost her virginity to a black
guy and how the guy's father punched
him out for fear of Samina being an honor killing
since Pakistani men have this deep
recess of perfection: without reflection
but only the reflexive of memory
of having the surname Khan...
so the Mongols are still so close
maybe Pakistani men fear this the most
and are so insecure because of the surname Khan
after all:
the Mongols only tickled me
my people...
listen to the hejnał maricki...
St. Mary's Trumpet call of Cracow...
i have my own St Patrick of Greater London:
sorry... Poland
and i'm the Lesser Poland: the paupers and the kings
from other nations
seeking Poland as the womb of sanctuary...
i sometimes thought she was a *****
but she was Latin
in being surrogate to kings
an escape plan...
and so came the envy of Germany for not fighting
the Mongols
and the Russians who said:
you didn't fight them enough!
so the Pakistani men circumcised
with surnames like Khan being descended of that
man...

but unlike the Italian tactic of finding happiness
in life eating for three hours
talking and eating...
high noon... maybe not so much a siesta...
our northern burdens
will not be illuminated with only the other
will to power:
the will to strife... the will to struggle:
said ******...
power is secondary:
just like fame is secondary
for what is deserved from each and every talent.

alternative title:
alternative title:
the lost "art": of listening to albums (Lao Che - Gospel)

but now i'm thinking about that German lad
who was ejected:
crying about a friend:
and then allow me to comfort him...
maybe i helped maybe i didn't:
did i console him?
i must have...
saying that single word: WAS
to break him into English...

i don't even know whether he actually could speak
English:
maybe that ought to be a phenomenon
since the totem also came
and laughed...
laughed with mouth agape
because foxes are like hyenas
and like dog whistles
their laughter is silent...
but if you watch close enough
you can see a fox laughing...

                i don't think the German spoke
any English
          but broke into it connecting the dots
like i would get a drink
in Kiev
and break into Ukrainian...

yes: the will to strife: power comes much much
later and be not cared for:
love...
simply discarded... with suicide.

ah... us Roman Catholics...
the Irish, the French, the Italians, the Polish...
new brothers outside the realm
of ethnic romanticism concerning
the Czechs the Polacks and the Russians:
somewhere the Swedish overlords...

concept no 2:
getting lost in a song rather than an entire
album:
albums are painful
songs and on repeat: cardigan, taylor swift:
concentration model:
concentration is not consciousness?
certainly not thinking certainly not memory
certainly not imagination:
concentration is my Islamic variation
of asking the question of what consciousness is:
that has been partially answered with AI
if not entirely:
but now i want to ask the question of:
what is concentration?
what is this mental capacity:
this Moth of Prometheus?

let me introduce diacritical distinctions into
English
to alleviate this dyslexia:

as i ask...
aß ǐ ask...             (what's the pixels, closely)

                  although thought: the point
                  al-
                  allthought
        ­                                  poȷnt                         GHGH
GH complex:                          surd GH complex
summon of eyes seeing and ears not hearing...

              allðou(ght)                  GHT is going to be
problematic: it's a higher testimony...
ðe poȷnt      was the easy part...

(       ǐ          aye, yes?              some remnant
of the evolving tongue, yes?          aye?    Pidgin)

5 sec adverts:
what the **** is a love honey toy?
what's a love honey toy?
am i a love honey toy?
                           am i a cruel summer am i a love honey
toy? **** me bombardment...
electric shock tingle after tingle:
might need to raise my spirits
and ease off the beer and head into Amsterdam
and have a coffee with a hangover
i can control from having smoked marijuana
about: ooh: i don't know...
    2 hours? can't remember when this poem
started: and i can't remember or foretell when i'll finish it
this beautiful blank slate collage...

haha: i'm a donkey in ****-
  jokes egg yolks: GANDU *** FAGAS.

Martin's new favorite band: Silverchair and that
just that debut alone...
come to think: Samina on ketamine,
LSD then falling asleep while eating an egg...
dissonance:
maybe those were the tears of the Weimar
republic: now i remember...

ever since that ****** harassment case at work
i've been receiving more attention:
positive vibe energy from women...

COFFEE not *******...
for a Bank Holiday
it has been a busy day:
and i drank 4 beers smoked a joint
now i'm drinking coffee
thinking it would be necessary
to iron those work trousers
come 7pm after i finally decide to eat something
rather than thinking about
the self-cannibalism of not eating...
fasting: how the proteins behave the fats
and the fuel: as long as i have sugar in my body
and not think that alcohol is sugar...
you can't substitute the evolution of sugar
into alcohol because you need
actual sugar...
can't say that alcohol and meat is the perfect diet
sugars enlarge the room for the brain
to orientate itself in and with...
Martin: your brain became a shrimp and a prune:
cuddles from the fetus...
i will not be rude i'm just trying to find
a self-explanatory metaphor...

otherwise the Jews were like the intellectuals
who left:
while the Palestinian and Philistines remain
because how did the mystery of the Jews March
to Poland is not well documented...
why is the Second Exodus not documented
at all oh just lost in the Holocaust?
must be...

der zweite aus'                         'zung...
Tza Tongue in -oong-
                              Tzi Tza Sow...

                  or simply C: elsewhere... the land
formerly known as the Jerusalem of the North...
i'm guessing Danzig....
               i might be wrong: i might be implying:
Łódź......
and a camel cigarette rather than a roll-up...
   the reminder that i smoked marijuana is disgusting...
i want to escape to Kauai and give everything
up and only love myself up...
insomnia and the riddle of a child
among the seashells and the rain sounds falling
upon the Pacific...

as explained to Samina:
i don't stutter like i used to i don't stutter
into a trauma of speaking up
speaking to others: it's not Touret's Tauret's tarot
******* is a conjunction
a punctuation marker for any sort of sophistry
i make oaths i make the oath
i'm scribbling this down right now...
or maybe because she's the same age
as my...
and maybe i can just talk to older women
and maybe the younger women just see
me and are scared to talk to me:
but Reyla isn't scared clearly because there's
this deeper ****** connection we
share and just baking her 13th birthday cake
and talking to you and your mother
and seeing so much harmony
and i know you didn't see it
but how i did and how it made me happy
that finally your mother found you at peace
and so deeply meaning to have to move
closer to your sister -
but i'm also saying goodbye
and if haven't been with each since
what's more since now of the then
that will become of today.

- - - - - - - - - - -
- - -  -   -  - -  - -
- -         -         -
           U)

many eyes: one smile...
contemplating the banality of the Third Exdous:
that never was
of the Jews to America
when clearly the plan was all along to resurrect
Israel
and not merely Judea in America
but that is Israel to me:
and there was no en masse exodus to America
since so many remained in Poland
to simply die...
skim reading the culture magazine,
the sunday times, august 25, 2024...

- i firmly believe the worlds tilts towards beauty
         nick cave on life after death
- i was going to call my album Joy
- robert harris's latest novel delves into
the passion between the prime minister
Herbert Asquith and a socialite 35 years
his junior; as war was breaking out
across Europe            (n.b. so can be bothered
using the semi-colon, but not able to known
that an s' apostrophe indicates no need to
's i.e. to introduce the possessive article)
- now i write music for the king
   (black woman piece, just read the headline
saw a picture and farted at the king,
if monarchy could be established in Poland
again: Harry Windsor would be king)
- how do you preserve a masterpiece,
in the face of age and even protesters?
Laura Freeman has a rare glimpse into
the art of restoration
skimmed past a few pages...
- Sven - a game of two halves
- why thatching is back
- when America flirted with fascism:
in the 1930s a motley gang of populists and
propagandists trolls threatened democracy.
a liberal journalist warns about the parallels with today

well: so much for a sobering reader's digest...
just enough coffee with feel hungry again:
like a hunger authentic not some rage inducing hunger
authentic hunger to want to cook something
from scratch...
plenty of fresh tomatoes:
i feel like making a garlic and bacon pasta bake
with fresh tomatoes on top
and some shaved cheese and Italian herb concoction
of rosemary, thyme, oregano, basil,
did i forget something? hmm... i don't remember:
maybe that's why i forget:
to forget is to let go
to remember is to hurt.
i think i love you like
i want to forget you, Edie:
i think i love you like i want to forget you.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2024
hunger can be
a meditation:
with meditation
being
a form
of repentance.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2024
and how long did the Jungian discovery of the collective unconscious last, until there appeared the actual physicality of the the idea: how soon was Jung wiped out with a collective consciousness of the internet: sorry, dear, gate-keeper... whoever wants to remain illiterate will have a choice: the 5th? fruit: the fruit of literacy... something else dandling off that old tree of Y and the serpent's tongue... legacy: torn off skin turned into leather... because the gate-keepers of the intellectual prowess would have: but the dictates of evolution: are beyond the constructs of parliament... evolution says you need to see this: you need to see this: i waited and i turned into patience and patience didn't become a virtue but a predator... that's the *** of looks and all those glitter eyes when i *******: you can actually broadcast me having *** with you: hello world: edie: catharsis allure: sorry: Edie isn't here..

all i hear are the words: this is not
even funny anymore:
this is ******* scary...

well yeah:
my discovery of the collective
consciousness
is worse than man
trying to make an antithesis of
the internet through AI!

do you, *******, understand, me?!

an IDEA became a Sisyphus
and Atlas!

id to ego says:
but, id can overcome the body
and spirit...
it will lay you in bed
and the idea is so good you'll
want to die...

collective consciousness:
internet...algorithm...
AI:
i asked...
now i don't wander:
i don't even wonder:
there was always that
capacity of man of genuise
Dzin:
Jinn...
     the other spirits:
the neutrals not the angels
not the demons
just artists...
don't you think the Hapsburg jaw
is following me?
in a pub...
Stratford...
the Hapsburg... nobility....
you think? you had a closer look...
Hapsburg royalty...
Austrian: scouts...
Kauai or the war over Ukraine...
as a Pole am i entitled to the Constantinople
of the North i.e. Lviv...
she was lovely though:
princess:
i'm meditating on drunk and high
and hunger:
from the origins of self
to no self
to then: unto you, dearest mmm coo...

with the Slavs i will make new commands...
i will be the air and the worms
in your skin...

*** up mouth in...
believe me when i tell Matthew of myself
believe me when i tell Matthew of YHWH
believe me when i tell Matthew:
believe me when i tell Matthew:
believe me when i tell Matthew... hoo hoo hoo...
awoo! god jeez let me believe...
Matthew are you talking to me?
yes Edie: yes: Ehyeh yes Elison:
yes... that other name...
Elihu:
Elias... Elisfaratu...
         Adonai... Elihem! Alihem! Elihem!

i talk to god: but it's not jesus...
it's not La la La nd Allah...
let me show you...

ahem...

       YHWH...
A                                             E

    **** me... now i am drunk:
baby dear: pluck me a cherry...
ye: hova:
he: who hides them: them in feminine plural
since the masculine plural would
imply the German individual
via ich....                          ye: they (f)
ich: they (m)...
                             savvy?
good to go pirate ship and all?
good...

                         YĄ...

              YĘ

PĘKA... daj dobie: borze: bogo:
    
    YĘ not            JE... te: one! o to mojo raj!
dz no j y
to mojo raj! serb south slav emancipation
from Greek and Roman and Turk
influence:
don't forget:
pan-slavism:
there's the dictate to consider the southern
Slavs... when... waging war in Ukraine...

i don't need bad grammar from
the Germanic tongues...
shaman says: rule the nord...
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2024
what sort of punishment is this?
i beg to differ
should anyone insinuate otherwise:
that is isn't some sort of macabre
way of polishing shoes...
two days strapped to the bed...
unable to eat all too able to sleep...
did this torture arrive while
Taylor Swift's army scrutinized
the internet for the comments
and came with the idea
that her concerts were somehow
safe spaces for all:
how as the security team we didn't
receive bomb threats otherwise
****** frustrations and ****** deviations
how there wasn't a male
******* in the vomitory and then
exposing himself
because the ratio of male to female
toilets was so unaccommodating
and how the women would
take advantage and just simply
walk into the male toilets unannounced
and... i assume: or... i even hope
that they wouldn't be caught *******
into the urinals...
that would really be a Duchamp
moment of how to treat the rainbow
brigade of confused sexuality...
i wish i was drunk a little more:
it's not Edie is giving me heartache
because i'd rather do my driving license
on Kauai than spend another 2 or 3 weeks
on this godforsaken continent...
imagine melancholy
imagine lethargy
and a sloth that's a catharsis...
this is me: at my best estimation:
resetting...
i don't know what for...
but i'm in no way in control: able...
to summon a will to live...
if i'll be able to bounce from this
i'll be remotely happy...
but so much lies so much undercurrent
narratives
how this one, elder gentleman
insinuated:
and they called me obtuse...
for whatever reason... this Gen Z
candy can crush...
         candy can crush...
        cancan dancers aged 14 new age
brave new world feminism
and into the mix thirsty men from
Arabia: these female dissonance this
losing my plot and my think
it's only, now, sinking in...
                  but... if i allow myself
to concentrate on words:
because i'm not writing this from an abode
of ****** frustration, constipation blah blah...
a genuine concern:
how long do these women "think"
they can pull off the walk-around
pithy for a harem...
           pithy for a harem...
i actually had to look up the meaning
of the word: pithy...
personally? i think it's adequate...
if you think about it...
given i've seen so much white flesh
and it felt like an epileptic fit
with strobe lighting to boot...
and it just is... somehow: not annoying?
somehow there isn't an overload
of sensation, stimulation...
the way these women unabashedly just
parade a faking of innocence
and then groom the younger siblings
into committing the same sin
of over-exposing males to their finicky
travesty?
seriously, seriously:
i'm paying the price of working
security at a Taylor Swift concert...
i usually drink but this is not
me dealing with the afterthought
of drinking too much:
i've seen too much...
i just walked into hell...
i walked into hell 7 ******* times...
and Islam is not going to just
justify to me that
a just reward is 72 virgins waiting for me
as i try to persuade the minds
of people: i'm about to ****...
to tell me: Allah is the highest theonym
because Allah is not the highest theonym:
YHWH is... the cyclops...
                     Y
                H       H
                     W

the Ukrainian girl i was working
with when i was sexually harassed:
oh we talked about history, Perestroika...
cannibalism under starvation conditions...
     and Polish, L'viv...
                                  NIC and NIĆ
(nothing and thread)
              clearly... she started cackling
like a magpie and a Babayaga all the same...
thus the touching pointers of each
letter in the theonym

but now i'm going to concentrate on what
i concentrated with her, dear, Victoria,
i hope you don't mind...

/   Ъъ Ъ ъ твёрдый знак
'hard sign'
[ˈtvʲɵrdɨj znak] ⓘ еръ
[jer] [∅] ʺ silent, prevents palatalization of the preceding consonant объект obyékt
"object" – U+042A / U+044A
Ыы Ы ы ы
[ɨ] еры
[jɪˈrɨ] [ɨ] y General American roses (rough equivalent) ты ty
"you" – U+042B / U+044B
Ьь    /

                              ЪЫЬ

because i dated a girl from St Petersburg
and she was into literature
and a daughter of a timber oligarch from
Siberia and when
i met her grandmother she told me
it was her mother
and when i met her mother she told me
it was her sister
and when i met her father
she forgot to tell me her sister was,
her mother was, married to him...

i can get ****** up on philosophy and drinking:
but women... they get off on
something, completely: else...
so me going to a brothel
was kind of sobering...
psychiatrists, priests, prostitutes...
the sacred trinity of who you talk to:
don't trust me: i'm the fourth wheel
in the machinery: i can be truthful but
i can also be flamboyant: poetry is thus...
Muhammad was right to distrust us...
but that was a time long before
journalism came along...
now we're the lesser evil...
i don't sing pretty i don't rhyme...
but apparently the Quran is...
wait... what is it?
supposedly the envy of poets?
the Quran is a poem: like no other?
Gabriel suggested that?
                 wow!            spectacular!

or maybe the past 2 days i've been tortured
because i made an honest critique of:
so the Pakistanis say they
are the purest of races...
yet... they end up... ******* on the toilet seat
in a public toilet:
for me... to later imagine...
tapeworms of the microcosm
able to travel through *****
and osmosis
into my buttocks... to later become
dead white blood cells of Beelzebub's kiss
as i squeezed them out from my face...
is that... it?!
and this whole jumping of the queue
when signing out:
so i did say: ******:
is this concept of queue something
too metaphysical for you to comprehend?
are we standing here for: ******* alms?!
so what, the, ****?!
clearly we're not going to get along
any more...
i'm going to bail or i'm going to
zero myself out of this whole life...
pattern: just jumbling words right now...
i keep my sanity with my cat...
testing: if i can go with 2 days of not
eating properly: they can survive
with me neglecting them
should this aura of grey and miserableness
not lift me from my slumber...
because it's clarifying in its devastation
of immobilizing me...
i have been... immobilized...

so what? i can breathe but i can't speak:
is this the Taylor Swift critique of getting
sexually harassed or is this me telling
the ******* UMMAH
that your puritans are retards and
**** on toilet seats in public?!
you *****... you skivvy ***** *******...
i know you...
you're ******* ***** squalor seminal
indentations of what the Europeans
thought of the Jews in the 20th century...
we have to deal with these new incursion
of bad hygiene: once more?!
oh please... justify your singing the Surah
to the ******* stones...
you ***** ugly, *******...
cousin-******* 6th finger short on each hand!

p.s. i hope you do realize:
what's happening in Ukraine right now?
that's called target practice...
my own people are stupid
i don't even know why Nietzsche would
envy being a ******...
oh sure sure: i'm not hearing anything
concerning the French of the Slavic realm...
but sooner the Slavs...
succumb to this ****** Germanic thinking
that's not even remotely considerate
of...               the Slavs would sooner wage
war with each other than allow
any parasitical thinking into their realm...
this woke ******* monstrosity
without god, this hybrid fuckery of anti-vitality!
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2024
i want to live life
in a way
whereby i can make
the simultaneous
assumption of
also saying:
i want to die.

       god almighty: i want to live
a life whereby i can also
say: i want to die.

your will and your should knots
of not and no...
forgive me: dear lord...
i want to live this mortal
hue...
with a willingness to die:
the second mother
of the womb that's death..
i want to live a life
willing to die...
because i have come to understand
the chains of Islam and
i've witnessed a Taylor Swift concert
and there's no such thing as
a heaven with 72 virgins:
the ploy of Allah making fun
of the theonomy of the 72 of Heb...

now let me explain:
i'm willing to live this life...
in order to will myself to die:
and that's interrupting you:
because i thank the potential of suicide:
unless you time it otherwise:
i truly don't mind...
but i love the idea of living
with the love of willing to die:
auto- without a concern for self-
and mind that hyphen prefix
stress...

          can you mind it...
i will be gone: spiraling into the **** of
abyss and you might blink might not...
but at least that's one excuse for
snoozing at noon... no?
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2024
trying to be Jesus Christ is so boring...
boring in the sense of Logos...
me?
i want to be Mythos...
      it's past noon and i'm thinking it's
midnight...
by the way... monotheism became
corupted
by polytheism and stumbled:
without realization that
somehow reincarnation could be feasible!
Malachi with Elijah...
Christ with the Antichrist...
   you really thought a dragon would
forget his tongue and let it sleep
in the eyes of a cat?
really?!
oh poor you...          poor poor purr:
my i unto you...
              yes: i do feel like sleeping
or at least pretending to sleep:
at noon...
Edie... it's a driving license...
      but you're not being serious...
my love for you is drying up...
i have occupational hazards of thinking
something else:
i don't need to explore life
with the attache of hurting a child
in its developmental stages...
          savvy?
Edie: it's a ******* driving license...
my drinking can be excused if
i were to be given a focus that
transcends a solipsism:
but if you don't want to give it to me:
then i'll bulldozer this supposed
Christianity of yours:
i don't mind:
maybe that was your original intent:
to allow me to show you
the plagiarism, the hypocrisy:
of this religion...
i think...                           hmm... think...
you wanted me to abide by baiting
these hypocrites all along...
your mother my mother the atheist...
this was some scheme for me
to hone in: focus... the *** was just
an intellectual ploy!
you sexed me up!
you gave me the sort of *** that invoked
my intellectual furor, focus!
you have become Helen, Troy:
ooh... sassy *****...
                 this is terribly horrific!
this is arching: atypical...
               now it seems i have more than
just an ego in my head:
now i have a daughter!
           who's the serpent and who's the vine?!
i was... going to go and enjoy the day
while cycling...
but now i have a bed a brainstorm
and i guess a spine...
and thinking about a daughter...
that's ******* cruel...
but o.k.

                     batman galore on...
a conveyor belt...
                 now that i've built up a fetish of fatherhood
and semi-
you are my daughter?
**** me... coming from a brothel
the idea of... Catholicism: disguise the intent:
word word word...

Spanish... Spinoza... no no...
the sect... not the cult... the sect...
the Spinach Sect of Spaniards...
i wrote about this in an essay in high school...
the Counter-Reformation...
Spanish... not Jehovah's witnesses...
ah!
glee! i see the word!

JESUITS!
the Jesuits!

do you believe me how inferior this Christ
of Americana is devoid of my patience?
i can't theorize with this American immigrant
of a lost soul...

just how unstable this format of
wording... by noon i want it to be midnight...
by 4pm i am wishing it to be 9am...
and so on and on and on
and we're supposedly in love...
times squared apart...
time between our ages
and the experiences that allow us to gravitate
to relate life
and the time span of physically being apart:
11h ahead or behind...

Greenwich to Kauai:
sorry...
but are you 11h behind?
i think you're a day ahead...
sorry: Greenwich Kauai...
Napoleon... tight fitting ****?!
Russia is like an abode of space
is Russia like something the Tsars
or the Soviets...
     love those words... you gimmick?

i just want to sleep...
and i want you to stop bothering me...
either i'll get my driving license on
that shitshow of...
or this stalling will
give me more impromptu
to just say adieu! adieu!
but please have the scrupulous decency
to give me a farewell...
just give me that attache...
a long kiss goodbye...
the *** was great but it was just ***...
we weren't supposed to be
compatible...
i know this as much as you know it...
so... please... leverage with
yourself the construction of
saying goodbye and karma:
karma as in: we will meet again...
we will...
just allow yourself to have had
a parallel of experience
besides other men...
just, let, me, go... otherwise don't keep me
as this tortured tease:
or take me! without a driving license!
just: make me assured: in knowing!
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2024
let my Cain wound, marker, be a womb: for the sons i will give unto this world: and let it be known: this is my Anti-America. this womb of hurt that will later become the child that i've associated myself with: without any variation of willingness to expert advice testing... but now i know my symptom of the incarnated biography: the auto- will come after the self-, don't you think? i think so: at least the will to think is the most powerful component of existence: telepathy... borderline... don't you think, that, now, i am more than able: to justify: eating your liver while you watch?

once lived:
forever lived...
do you understand me:
or do you need
some Hindu
******* on the throne
of thrones
antithesis scribble
and story to fake
with reincarnations
i'm asking you man:
psychology man
man without soul
i'm asking the schematic man
i'm saying:
you want to live a life
with people ******* on
the toilet seat you sit on
and questing that random
appearance of ego
and it's called the Asiatic wisdom
fuckery...
celery... ******* come to glorify
mongrels...
i'm no son to any other but
how you...
with what...
how is that..
that is...
        i'm your *******:
bad grammatical nightmare...
savvy?!
Next page