and to earth: i sing in the night of a body-electric:

   poised to silence and laughter
and meditation

imagining being banished:
to the realm without music:
imagining a world without
music

or who taught man of music
was he who also taught
man about engineering and fire?

i ask banished in this silence
wishing i could return
to the bed and music and thrills
of conversation
with body and you:

                somehow the distance doesn't
scar me
and the day began with just a beer
and a microdosage of marijuana
while doing the garden trimming
only three three trees to trim
but a relaxing afternoon
with mother
                       and conversation and the attic
and thinking about giving
vintage summer dresses to Edie and Reyla

how i adore the peace and quiet
in the night
in the day
but the moon of the night
how sweet was my laughter:
thinking i could be reunited
and be a body with a body
not just a body with a mind

stillness ensured
and a mosquito flew onto my sweaty
forehead:
sat there: i didn't bother to slap
this little creature into non-existence...
so i just let him sit there on my forehead
and drink the good stuff
my blood...

                after all what is a mosquito pinch
needle:
when i am prone to curl my sleeves
and shorts
and rush into nettles
rubbing my skin
then lying in bed thinking this is some ancient
medicine or modern homeopathy
but it's the latter:

thinking about ibn Saud ibn Kibsi asked me
about mosquito bites and i said
spirit vinegar rub...
            can't get spirit vinegar except in
Polish delicatessens...
but nettles are worse
and the remedy is water and soap
nothing more
but lying burnt like that with nettle venom
in my skin:
then this little mosquito just had his fill
and flew off into the night...
hard for me to **** a fly too...

so if there is a Lord of the Flies: Beelzebub Bob
then there must be a Lord of Mosquito(s)

a "Soukon": sokuon:
an author on a hill
サッカ
                       丘

  not sure about Japanese
prepositions)                           - Soukonsokuon
a contending name

   so i thought about the forbidden fruit of
cannibalism
whether that was the original "apple"
that so desperate only two people remained
and were reduced to having to eat
man's flesh: an gained knowledge of good
and evil

after all was it not a strange fruit
of wine and bread
that was given to us upon the anti-tree-of-knowledge
torture: crux...
was not another "serpent" been sacrificed?
well at least now i hear whispers
and rumors of people becoming seriously
interested in the cryptic gospels that
go beyond the canonical straitjacket of
Sunday's Intellectualism...

           a strange fruit of pressed fermented grapes
    and pressed wheat shafts pressed
to the puff of flour: dusty and his nunnery of dusties...
or at least the other talk from
dating scene:

i'm getting strange looks at work from
coworkers
and i'm not even paranoid
the day i moved up from a static team
even if it was a static team of bag searchers
and wands
the SIA
                   then it was still only a static position
but the moment i advanced to
being a TEAM LEADER
  (no longer the tedious title of SUPERVISOR
no longer printed on my back) -
      RESPONSE TEAM LEADER
just me and four guys
and i could swear i'm being experimented with
because each time i'm given a completely
different team to take care of
while others get their same staff
am i being probed to see
what span and scope of people i can actually
figure out
            enough for the sake of optics:
compliance - the seriousness of earning money
i can't believe how serious the matter
is when it comes to earning money
rather than living in a world where money
earns money:

that seems like such an inauthentic positive plateau
and no longer a authentic positive *****
something missing in terms of
whether Sisyphus would have to roll the stone
up...
or whether he were to roll the stone round
and round in a velodrome....

                                hardly able to imagine
generating money from my scribbles though...
generating money from my scribbles
would probably pain me most...

               if i didn't have a serious job on the side
perhaps money could come
in later age when i might need it
but probably not so much now
i think too much money would be a headache
that i wouldn't have the genius
anti-headache of investing interests:
to be actually interested in money
is not my "thing": although money in terms of
earnings, use, freedoms, constrictions:
that is more a case for not philosophizing
with a hammer but with a coin...
then moving onto philosophizing with
a ring...
a bit like Sauron - yes the child in me is still
referencing literature as i go along
today i read Walt Whitman high a little high
and i thought: my the simpler the language
the more fluid it becomes
and i have to give due credit to old Walt...

                                 Miss Monique: the dogs
barked in the night owning its
guardianship to ward the death critters from
entering dreams as death angrily loitered
                            while a star was giving divination
of itself
while the tree was giving divination of itself
    while man too: but slightly over-divination
leading to confusion:
    a blunder of nutrition by a deity's constipation...

and now onto preparing dinner
al fresco
and the conundrum concerning the English
and how much they bemoan the garden
should they not have one
but still they need that garden
and they have the garden
and seldom use it
having a BBQ is like some holiday event
where meat is doubly butchered
and not many vegetables are eaten
or fruits in salads
but bemoaning this need for garden
but spend so little time in it!
regardless i have yet to see a proper al fresco
culture around me come summer
where people might want to cook and eat
outside
of the stuffiness of the houses...
now overheating in the summer chaos my god
the Arctic Winds of May were a downer
but a Month when I was born...

                 maybe missing some vitamin B12?
thinking about going on a vegetarian diet
in the summer months
yesterday made haloumi with capers and walnuts
and drizzle of honey
then a simple courgette drizzled with olive oil
coarse black pepper
and some Himalayan Black Salt...
            and salads with pineapple and chilies
fresh coriander...
and my favorite:

sumac
       strawberries
cucumbers
   olive oil
honey
     balsamic vinegar
red onions...
                  banger!

yes: i think i'm going to go vegeratian
in the summer months each year
because that pork sausage tasted awfully
after all that joy of cheese and vegetables
i seriously find meat abhorrent in summer
i think as a people we could wonder
at a diet based upon seasonality:
you wouldn't eat a horse
in summer for his toil and help
you wouldn't eat a cow
in summer for its milk - regardless whether
in winter:
but once upon a time our diets were seasonal
and somehow
i'm thinking maybe an imitation: a return
to something old from Europe:
like not eating meat in summer
because it would go off quickly when slaughtered...

desar

dear god dearest god
am i cluching: clutching the idea:

a TikTok short
just how i like it:
eyes eflamae: aflame...
darting witnesses:

shame that i only have
one shadow
only one shadow
i should have at least four!
one angel one demon
and two genuine(s):
in the plural sense
language can disintegrate:
i can imitate god
prodding anti-gravity
in the black sun

Lucy Lucie Loo

     Lucy Lucie i.e. loo
emit Romulus
Remus
Azure: or rather:

opposite of acute diacrtic(al)
diacritical:
that's not to say: a critique of
reason or unwind
the purity of the races
and beer
i designated to the Deutsche sprechen

allure i know
darkness a beacon like no other
but better no
citadel of the homicide
that if you think
you can't learn anything
from the ****: membrane:
evil, purest...
only access through the elites
that
now
no longer know
when the man with the leash
came to tame the dogs
of human concerns:

loudest mouths
but still not the moths auto
taming themselves to
suicide by "blinking"
or head-butting against
nothing: nothing... exactly flourescent...
****: misspelled that too
again
and again and again...

yellow teeth
pink sclera: i didn't! misspell that
just now!

Alexandre Cabanel or:
VON STUCK!
hmm: immersive "literature":
my last will and testament
to some Peter and some Paul
the ***** work cousin Jesus
begat the Ottoman mania
after BYzantium
like no one saw Islam coming?
like!

ha ha ha!
ah ha ha!
no one saw Islam coming
and then the terrible thing
happened and human reality
burst open and
the insatiable: the one truth:
schismatic contamination
i gather: only one schism in Islam
and that's a pivot of pride
almost devilish like
my character

but if i'm not an evil man
and still evil KARMA befalls me:
then i can do one better and
just be: a MORBID: ARTIST...

yes: poetry is not journalism is more
than journalism
i'm sampling the times
what with God the generator of space
then Man the generator of time
or at least what's relevant
the relative ant said to the unrelative
ant something about an Aunt of the Mount...

pink sclera in the brain shot dead
on a pinpoint crux
like torture is the site of seeing
many enviable paths to take
like becoming a preacher of misery...
anti-biological
to say the strong don't take care
of the weak
but perhaps: i need to fly away from
serpentine metaphors
and go into shadow and:
clues akin to O and rings of fated
deflation of will:

so un-free this binding contract
to the communicative-articulate:
hyphen compounding like
a good translation of French thinking:

mind you i couldn't read Knausgaard in
English could only find a palette for
him in Polish...
so that tells you a lot...

but working with these four English
natives
is so was so so
so: surreal?
William IV was at the gig
took my Swiftie away
William IV was at the Friday gig
took my Swiftie away

funny working with the Born and Bred
British Somali Sur Sur
(no surf)
such a lovely face i kinda wanta **** 'im
don't mind if i do those sparkly
eyes
but the personality like a hellish
*******: comma comma comma      (,,,)

variations on the KKK ***** whipped
by Hugo Boss uniforms for the SS-mensch...
because how did or didn't they
perform an orchestrated genocide
rather than like the Mongols turned everything
into ash:
like mountains of skulls
and the burnt pages of the Baghdad Library
just like the Christians and the Library
of Alexandria
same ****: different cover
a ratio:

better to reign in hell: than to serve in heaven:
same ****: different cover (ratio)
and in that line of thought:

ratios are better than percentages
and definitely better than approximates
and decimals:
i love ratios: they are dualistic
in that you can JUDGE
and judging is above knowing
it's ultra-knowing
i'd rather judge than be wise
wise is a shorter variation of CUNNING...

i have seen wisdom become cunning
and it has an ugly face:
i have an ugly face: period
because Beelzebub Bob took an *******
dump in my face and plagued
me with his spawn of maggot acne...
ooh well... oh...

i'm not a loud mouth anti-racist:
i'm just NOT a racist:
but i don't hide my racism behind
anti-racism like the currency
of policy maker loud mouths
but it was just weird working with Brighton:
four natives

SHAUN
DAN
SUGAR RAY
and...
one ******* Irish rooted bastawd!
MACAULAY: obviously chandelier
shambles and shanders and shandy:
proper Aussie brew:

but **** me if i get some Raj and ****
on my team
or: is it just me
that i can work with former Nigerians
now Brits and a West Indie
with a name like: surd N? Nkoyo...
N'
   ah! apostrophe N like precursing
the KOYU... not KOYO then?
sounds better with a U at the end:
sputnik U For ogling:

now: that's wrong! wonky!
it doesn't have a feel of containing the sound
that spelling doesn't: ogling:
i'm not: google! oh ****! google is not AI
therefore m'eh...
but it should definitely be
anti ogling: i.e. oogling or ooggling

PETITION! OXFORD! CAMBRIDGE!
i know there is a summer furor gripping
Europe right now
hot summer
war and "war" in Ukraine
or rather if Islamophobia is so surreal
why the super-real Russophobia?!
don't get it:
it's not like Russians are terrorist
minor Pakis etc
i don't get it...
so Islamophobia is unreasonable
while... Russophobia: suddenly is?!

i think i'm concerned with an intelligent
ethnicity: a people
who cares about Western idealization of
a Greek thought: namely democracy
the weak have the votes
someone strong enough has to fend
for themselves: in this pit of snakes and
landmines: snails secured by
that goo glue of a sloth's death...

but so unreal: we did our job:
the five of us at Turnstile Alpha
the queue was dispersed in minutes
then i: couldn't keep a leash on these guys
me and Elder Sugar, Ray: tried
but then i know how the security
workforce looks like: hierarchical etc
and for all the anti-racism
spoken of
when it comes to hierarchies
an ants
but since dinosaurs became birds
there was no actual extinction
given the other lizards
so i guess given the dwarf insects
there must have been a society
of exoskeleton folk
that: with talking mushrooms
hijacked bodies
and became extinct too
     but left the air with moisture
and enough oxygen for us to survive
since who are we to know
that dinosaurs existed but we did
paint dragons
and the meteor explanation
more like the moon nudging earth
to unleash the seas
who is to say nothing of this sort happened
what compass
is there: direction NEWS
within the confines of time?

time is a human "thing": not a construct...
itemizing and scrutinizing and
allocating bookshelves
time is alien to god as concept or
even practicality:
god has no knowledge of time
but man has
i can slow down time i can disintegrate time
by smoking a zoot
a heavily laden tobacco joint
with just a sprinkle of marijuana
and i'm playing god not out of pride
but out of fear: god's Sabbath is any day
when my worded prowess exfoliates
and my imaginary non-imaginary: but binary
blah blah whiffs of a secret wind
come back to haunt / motivate me...

but i wouldn't get away with what i did
walking out of the concourse on level 5
for a cigarette break
if i were supervising two black guys
and two Asians...
i figured: but i know the upper escalons
of this hierarchy
of CCTV are manned by white guys
and they only dish out supervisory
roles to minorities on the sly to
appear more inclusive
but then that brews up burps and tightknitknots
of miscommunication
i wouldn't have: have:       oh that word!

i was looking for the grave on A and an acute
on an E
to dislodge Adam and Eve(n):  

    À                 :                   É

      king: crown:

           caron (later):         Æ    (first)

poetry is not rhyme nor rhythm it is
anti-coherency anti-philosophy
it's thinking: airy-fairy: dust for an eye
one eye to peer into
the land of the dead
and the energy associated there
with investing in memory
off of the living toward
the dead
energized to be dead but alive
in the talking mushroom universe solipsism

weird working with the natives
weird as ****
i was not expecting
but Dan the Ginger Nut ended up being
more than a female
he had about 20 friendship bracelets
by the end of the shift
he was the dutiful soldier
about time: no war
he was the female in our little nugget
of crowd awareness: this is Wembley
and this is a Taylor Swift gig:
this is not Auschwitz and this is not
genocide
but we're still herding people
through turnstiles:
so it's kinda handy to have the back of
the mind rummaging through
the hells of SS-Mensch... black clad:
skull: Hugo Boss black: black uniform:

oh i can take this route if i so please
i can choose this route if so i please:
and i like to please myself
cognitive
before i **** poor Edie's brains out
and flick my magic wand of a finger
to make her ******
what's missing is her fascination
with squirting:
we already covered her swallowing
my monkey juice
oddly enough...
she's the first woman to know
that i speak in my sleep
and that i'm lactose intolerant

funny that she has a brain of mine
for a child that i want to unravel
which also means:
as a man: surrogating
the ancient habit of what beget
the Roman Empire
to be a dad surrogate
implies that i do not have
a diminished testosterone levels
of the: vitamin mineral *******:
i mean the HORMONE:

you can get mineral and vitamin
supplements:
but hormone supplements?
unheard of!
hormonal blockers sure
but hormonal supplements?
best bet is to have a kid without
actually having a kid:
i'd prefer a boy but i was given
a girl and
that's almost Tom: BOY_YEW...

that floating thingymagig :dzdz
dzi dzi: baba: FANTA:
          
                ding ****: can i come along?
seems like somewhat of an afterparty
and i could have at least
one apprehensive gesture of: THAT look
for what i am THAT am: without i
might imply...

         ignorant fool to think: maybe forgetting
the Hebrews would be best
who who knows:
they've been trying and tried
and tested
been spewing geniuses left right
and no centre
beside the Israelis now:
not descended from the Hebrews or the Yids
of Germany
that instigated: well:
the slaughterhouse of Polish Jewry...
and there is a distinction
between the Jews of Germany and the Jews
of Poland:
and... well... d'uh?!
need i to spell it out: Wiemar?!

the Jews of Poland were not the Jews of Germany
and it almost seems like
no one is going to own up to
to Treaty of Versailles
and Wiemar hedonism and all the wonky
***
like this *** is bad it's leaving
me with a distaste: a negation of taste:
etiquette: fashion... sensitivity to sensibility of:
sense:

         two gay guys riddling *** on the train:
nudge nudge:
kiss kiss: innuendo: shy...
two: ******* LESBIANS on the train:
shy? god no!
just looking for a walking talking *****!
out straight open ***
in your face...
kissing and fondling
just shy of ******* each other
just shy of ******* each other!
but all the rest is there:
i was there:
but not the bedroom...
but Sappho contra Sapphos
is me in the mix too...

at least two gay guys can make
the whole public show of private
affection: tasty...
lesbians just create a horrifying
three:
one on two sexed up dynamic of THIRST:
babes...
i'm not thirsty...
i did a little flick of the finger in
my prized ***** possession and
i was ready to summon the meteors
for a Chinese New Year...

clearly there are ways to organise
people:
but democracy does: not...
organize: people:
democracy dictates individuation
but to what: extreme is that even satisfying
if given: to the wrong people?
to: everyone: is the wrong sort of people:
everyone is the wrong sort of people:
because it ends up a struggle
to find anyone in everyone
in:                                         someone....

well if we're going to have
a ****** revolution in pedagogy with
everyone minding their ***** pronouns
then who is to suffocate
the prepositions and conjunctions
from anything but TRANS= affix-ation:
label: LA'BEL...
the beauty:

                         capital compounds: TRANS=FIX
     lowercase: hyphen            i.e.         trans-fix:

and i know that transfixed is a non-hyphenated
word that has been given the Ocford seal of approval:
so m'eh...

summoning benevolent
deeds
while invoking the letter(s): Š,
    Č, я                     ю
           ч                                ц
ш                            щ
                                               ц         п

zh         zh                   cz sz sh ch yhwh

    etc                                etc. not: ж:

                                                                     ž ≠ ź) ż

20th through to the 23rd of June
LS (London Stadium, Foo Foo Fudge
Packers)
then 21st headed to Wembley: wound
in the womb: a fetus
(can't understand why that's underlined
in red when foetus): the disappearance
of œ and øzɔfaʒ

/n̪͡mt̪͡p/ (Yele: Papa New Guinea:
mmm't         or mount: mt.)
Niveneh: no: Nineveh...
                  like Jericho but without chatter:
cauldron in the cold

      the other Siamese Twin of how language
originated in vowels
to later establish itself in consonants...

the digraph of Æ: almost Katakana and Hi:

K(appa) missing the additional 'i (<p)

i.e.                    カ-
                                らがな (HI! ragana:
regina regatta - smooth sailing, averse winds)

could compact the punctuation / insinuation,
hide the exclamation marker
attiring the iota with more than just a dot:
like so:

                 HÍ instead of HI!
also: HÍ = HI!

               as i pondered travelling on the train
sitting backwards from Romford
to Stratford
a quickie: 7 - 10min commute:

the perfections of language and the language
impasse
with the same language (as it were)
we build the pyramids
and the Coliseum
and conjured up the microchip and satellites
but still the ******* graffiti on
the walls like a sad testimony of:
not literate enough?

                   enough Swifties to me have
to exclaim to my ginger nut
i never worked in a response team
on basis / bias of positive discrimination
the industry has been flooded with
Asians (and i don't mean the artisan
Oriental cobblers, sturdy workers
i mean the Raj sleuths and sloths)

   so there i was working with "Brighton"...
4 English guys...
the ginger nut was going through
a breakup with a girl he was with for 3 years
bought Taylor Swift tickets
broke up: patchwork Adams i figured
am i a psychiatrist now?

no: a historian a psychiatrist a poet
a philosopher: all under ONE BANNER:
a HUMANIST...
i am a humanist: never worked with
someone with ADHD:
first time:
could feed off his scatter brain i knew he
was trying to win the girl back

that's the thing with women:
you see enough of them and enter their
personal space
you: realistically enter a harem
so there's no need to blow yourself up
for Islam and (a) Promise... of...
a harem:
me and my "ball and chain":

well... if she's 56 and i'm 38
and there's than new film about about
Anne Hathaway and the IDea of yOU

i promised myself not to have
a ******* and i didn't
but just across from me on the Metropolitan Line
two classical Sappho types:
the type of lesbians that make out
across from you on the train
because you have nothing for an ego
and there's no narrative in your head
you're just this emptiness gravity
sitting down looking
at these two lesbians making out
and they're trying to be lesbians
really hard
but at the same time they start touching
each other
so... you start touching yourself
like: massaging your legs and your neck
and then the so-so lesbians
look like: oh ****! we need a *****!
a living breathing *****!
not the deconstruction of man of: just
a phallus: **** me! get a cucumber
but the sort of lesbians that are not butch
nor twisted rainbow nor political
just purely ******: they need a friend
type of *****: lezbo:
and that's all fine and dandy
but i figured: if this open gay sexuality
can happen: transcendental
then let's not be ableist or ageist about
who we are biochemically drawn to:

i admit in 20 years when Edie's ****
and clothes with smell of grey and moths
maybe then i will shove
fern leaves up my nose:
exchange the warm tingling kiss of chilly
juice for the sting of nettles
and call it cotton: but until then...

there are three language settings in Japanese
and yes: twice at the Fudge Packers
concert and twice at Taylor Swift:
like: i can't imagine this devilish Elvis
(who had a ****** life, seriously)
having any *** at all: Taylor Madonna...
i managed to chirp at least 10 friendship
bands
the last one i exchanged with a 6 year old
groupie who
mesmerized me with my grief over other
exchanges of friendship bands
so she gave me one with
a cocktail of watermelons, kiwis, oranges,
strawberries, lemons and that made my day
because another 20 year old groupie took
my prized possession of a band with metalic
swifts: yes... actual birds...

but like me and Matt were saying:
two years ago... two years?
Red Hot Chili Peppers at the London stadium:
day one opened with
All Around the World...
day two?
opened with
Can't Stop.... or the other way round:
either way! either way...
as a citizen going to a concert having
no experience of multiple bookings
of an artist at a venue
you don't really THINK about the SET LIST...
clearly...
Taylor Swift is an ARTIST...
just like Lloyd Webber is an artist
and there's the Phantom of the Opera production
and that's also Kierkegaard
and the Changelessness of God

but like Anthony Kiedis said
of John Frusciante: the psychotic -
these guys are no longer ARTISTS: they are:
MUSICIANS!
Taylor Swift isn't a musician: she's an artist:
and like any artist: she's not endowed with
some crazy creative demon
of uncontrollable energy to have to lose
and recycle material or just become
insatiable and confrontational like
a brick wall or the sea or gravity...

meh... MERCH! merchandise!
        ugh: honing in: i too bought a t-shirt...
well... two... i caved in...
the silly idiot moi so-so...

                          i'd still give an arm and a leg
to get to see Boris Brejcha...
i don't need to know his personal story:
but yes, he apparently escaped with burns
and bruises from an airshow where
a plane crashed and he discovered Mozart
in electronics / electronica...
so DJing is not so lazy after all?
funny: conjuring up melody with only ticks
and drums and rhythm
because there are no woodwinds
and certainly there's no frantic fried egg jazz
to be the antithesis of classical
which jazz was but
electronica is the antithesis of jazz
it's what i'd call RE-

BIG word: big WORD:
i can't even spell it i have custard for brain
my best estimate is
(even with the use of algorithm,
i'm yet to invest dyslexia into AI usage
via chatGPT so who knows)

COMPROMISING is close... super: cl>o<se...
but not there, yet... yeti yeti yet...
on shift when i repeat myself
over and over again i turn into a slur and slobber
monster i think my tongue is a gigantic worm
that's suffocating me... or at least gagging (me)

one more try: RE-
electronic music > jazz > classical
not necessarily > or <
but what other punctuation marker?
| ...            perhaps: i'm starting a mixology
of e. e. cummings and OLSON
so... let's see...

COMPARTMENT + RE-
spells out, what?
ANALYZING                       that's a pretty picture

i'm actually not, going to,
scribble the correct spelling
of the word that's burning up my brain!

and so much other **** in between
Big Mo was trying to steal my sunglasses
on at least 4 prior shifts...
i forgot my sandwich and coat last shift
managed to stash it: picked it up on cordon
DC3 on Olympic Way
fair enough fair enough...
o.k. have my sunglasses: until next shift
point being so much mush and ****
i'm having to have to build in a FILTER...
veil... membrane:
it's like reality is hyperventilating and
i'm not on any hallucinogenics but
i'm getting so many cues in terms of
what's being communicated
that hearing about Islamic Terrorist attacks
on Christian folk is one thing...
but then hearing about the crushing stampedes
on the Road of the Hajj
and at the place where they stone the devil
(Mina)
ha ha!                  ******* win-win scenario:
you know what i mean?

one thing to put pebble on a pebble
and call it a redemption of the continent of Africa
via the Egyptian "clairvoyance" of:
let's leave something behind for future
generations to remember us for...
and another to throw a ******* rock: at a rock!
magic!

yes: i am the devil: a humanist:
god? yeah: he's the theorist of humanity
nothing personal
but if you have ******* gaseous and liquid
equations like water can contain salt
and the cauliflower sponges of clouds
and blah blah blah
then god is the worst kind of humanist
he's an anti-humanist...
a calculator there's no personality
attached to god
god is not a person
however you think god in trinity might be:
**** me
some magical telepathic extended thing
of Descartes? well he did try obliterating God
almost all philosophers of the circa
8th - 19th centuries tried to obliterate god
until Nietzsche finally said: ASK the FINITE ***
for CARROT then the SCHTICK...

welll) d'uh this isn't readership friendly
but i didn't just read Finnegans Wake
and admired the struggles of Delmore Schwatrz
for no reason...
pressed too long on the L without shift...

in terms of women...
and i've been with prostitutes and i've interacted
with Swifties so i have
a plethora of experience
not to say i'm in any position: advantaged to
"abuse" or reap... or... m'eh...
*** is *** but kinda of pointless
if not procreative...
so *** ON and *** OFF...
there's a switch when not investing pro-creatively
but then i don't want the hassle of
my own bad seed
so tending to a foreign body that's not
my own is ego-soothing
because i have no emotional investment:
just an emotional commitment:
and that's different because
it allowed me to morph my original idealism
of women
into an alternative idealism of women

point being:
of women: well... you won't get any BETTER...
you'll... you'll just get: DIFFERENT...
no better: just different...
after all: women are generic creatures...
you get to see that when a 90,000 event
takes place and egress is summoned, naturally...
men are unruly...
it's sad... it's sad that the concept of
individuality disappears
when people congregate...
people become stupid and no longer
bothered about individuation or democracy
or whatever they do privately
but cattle i understand and
i have my Cerberus Team on hold:
it takes about 5 people
to organize a Slaughterhouse of 300...
it truly does take only 5 dedicated Hosts
to push 300 Parasites through the Coliseum Turnstiles:

methodological: i'm not a Methodist...
i'm being clear cut precise:
it would be stupid not to learn anything from
the Nazis...
seriously: when it comes to crowd management
at large events, concerts etc
you'd be a ******* ******
not to learn from the Nazis...
how... how?! seriously?
what? how they managed to dupe all those
people into walking so serenely to
their death? is there any depiction of people
walking into the gas chambers
kicking and screaming like
children being born?!

                       hmm... not that i can recall:
plus if you see the number 90,000 in an elevated
crater as if a meteor just fell...
i'm not scared of heights...
but even i get the fiasco of vertigo
   on level 5: the whirlpool of a man made
open space:
clearly a meteor should have landed here:
but no... just man's ingenuity to allow
people to congregate and find imitations of god
with idol(s)...

ah yes... Polish could be almost like Czech
in that it could be lazy, slurry... from time to time...
i honestly have to mind this
in terms of language usage: English is provisional
Lingua Bas Franca etc
but i could become more Czech
(i have genetic roots in Bohemia)
in that:

JUS      can easily replace JUSZ
because: eh...        FABRI GAS... not GAZ...
i'm lazy and Polish is too strict for my liking
****... already:

it's not even jusz but już...
      but instead i can just say: jus... like i'm an imbecile
but rather: that's how Polish children
speak: naturally: partially Czech softly
and there's no real Russian softness
just blue blue blah blah harasho...
either way i'm going to be put into some
sort of category of "origins"
as not even Jesus was this Messianic Universal
He-Man...
so... why stress that i'll just be the Polish Matt?

did i miss something?
ah right... filter... i need to filter through
the past 4 days
and think about the best time to have a ****;
not now: i want to read one chapter
of Dune and some Olson poems.

Susie... oh now... not Susie...
Sophie...
Duchess of Cambridge:
yeah:
i have the hots for her

google:
yupo me:
typo:

the woman who held the sword:
at Charlie ******* NAkeed HArry
oh Arry....
that's a ******* with
PENNY MORDAUNT:
what a poo polish shoes
no shoes!
one leg!
pirate!
arghh!
#yar m\y aye aye
my maytease!
MAy YaR!

no not Sophia Little Rudge Dtich...
ROUTLEDGE:
who J ooh?

             bomb  bomb crease
a comb
an over
a serialization of French novels
in Spinach Spanish: alias: Mexican:

MAH CONFRUNDO!
MAH *******
CONFRUNDO
MAH *******
CONFUSED YAH
MAH **** NTALK STREET BRUH
ITALICS:
MY GUNNIVK VTOMMIRD
END ****
BUGOVTNIK

HAG MEHHIDO!

1984!
SOPHIE RAWORTH!
Edie not you:
last night she was presenting
the news without mkaeup
make-up clown: project: clown:
so SS-man human too?!

i ****** your sister
and your mother....
but i kept your dada: daughter:
on the canoe: ****:
radar

¶( paragraphs in poetry are so ill defined:
like asking for geometry to
be algebra:
but geometry is an algebraic fusion
to treat numbers
as numbers and nothing spectacular
like numbers weren't the origin
of letters
but letters were the origin of numbers

LETTER > NUM<BER

numbers came from letters
not how the envy of the world is supposed
to be the genius of mathematical-physics...
sorry: football is!

such a strangeness in the air: such stillness
it's almost as if
someone had died
but it wasn't god
and it wasn't man

because no one had actually died:
what died was a concern for life
on the simple posit: vivo in mort...
life in death
as there is death in life

mort in vivo
not simply in vivo like pregnancy
but man's pregnancy to die
in vitro
in architecture
in all these pursuits
in science
in philosophy

i can see nihilism but not as prorposed
by Nietzsche in the individual
but en masse
in the masses
i have four days of concerts coming up
grueling 12h shifts
but i'm not supervising
i like being a chess piece rather
than a chess player: from time to time:
i like taking instructions
and i like giving instructions
during ***
but that's because i'm male
so

this little Eden of Euphoria
i drink a little i smoke a little
but i'm perfectly sober
but slur my speech my Golem
i must
my tongue is the King of Lizard
because it is a worm
it has not Endoskeleton
but an Exoskeleton
that burst into the air with moisture
and gases
and wasn't like the dinosaurs
porridge and oil and meat
and desert sands
my forefathers
invented the tree
the forest
they brought moisture into the air
to end the Volcanic Reign
of Chemistry and Geology!
i am of the DRAGON BORN!

            i quill a woman into bed
then hear her scream into the night
to make sun and moon collide!
because: i can ego trip when
i have destroyed the ego
i can ego trip because iq i qrite
therefore i can ego tripping
i am ego tripping: a silence from the destruction
the silent rebuilding process
i'll be with Keith on Turnstile GJ

gee
jay
gee
jay

  required reading of post-modernists:
Charles Olson:
the Kingfishers...
        
that **** is going to haunt to me
it's actually going to hunt Franz Saber
i square to the question:
god?
gentle child: god is not enough
Seismic in your church and churn of heart
believe me
i'm talking to at least 6 generations
of Happenstance Greeks
my sober mannequin to hide all the darkness
from low intellect
like brothers ******* sisters
like mothers and sons
like...

best exemplified: god dry to sleep
not thinking:
but what is a thinking thing
unlike a priest psychiatrist a surgeon:
a butcher:
a painter:
somehow this grand: alles uns!

nihilism in the masses i can understand
from Church and Parliament to
Coliseum...
not for a debates of the commons
but for the: throw the jaw of man
to the dog
and let's see who starts to YAP
first...

i'm very much sober i have a clear
work ethic
and the penultimate lap
of irritable bowel syndrome to cognitive
block: no day dreaming
i can't wait for Friday
and the tAylow Witch Swifty
come London
come all those siusiumajtki:
**** god no diacritical marks!

****-pre-periodic-miming-
street-project
16 year olds getting pregnant
fetching tents
to mountain climb: to climb a mountain
of ToyLord Swagger ITch swiftest...

by 11pm i have a half smoked
joint of: us: re-ready...
Addie: Adidas Edie...
your mother said what: again? first time
lapse in: escape of soul
with remnants of consciousness
as experience
combating the early child
and mind unison with consciousness
the exploring stage
then ego
clinging to an existence per se:
because the ego however
neurotic *** straved
psychotic
bilingual schizoid
6ft3 pacified
because best trip from warrior
to shaman
that was my trip
the heart was enlarged by misfeeding
me
the ****** to large for that kind of a ******
i was the Church of the Holy ******
the Dune's Bene Gesseritz...

      the best "*****" came from the Christian
Church of Hawaiian Reborns
some alternative to catholicism i could
nor would i have ever known...
but the best witches to my liking
came: come... an ongoing process:
come in Trinities...

pretend i have to wear a tux...
better:
short sleeve shirts
made in BANGADESH
BANGAFLESH
BANGLADESH!

     white: 100% $0.01
          coot! coot! cotton! cotton!
nothing synthetic like from China...

counter: no, just another:

¶) the above, initial thought: should have
started from here:

did i really read Madame Bovary by Flaubert?
well: you know what?
i think i have:
elite schooling i believe
but never a stand-up
gimmick
i'm saying this ego is not my consciousness
within life and with departure
this ego is a maniac
this ego needs Satanic Release
i'd be happy to swap egos
with anyone willing to swap egos
ego is like the metabolism of consciousness
a cognitive metabolism:
thoughts eating matter:
the talking mushrooms said
to the centipede citizen: hush hush in the multiverse
those monkey toys will have
but one exit: tome...
written by some *** talking monkey from
Poland who emigrated to Loondon
and thought he was this ancient hot *** of tool!
toll! the bells of Portugal
the bulls come parading!
not their horn: but their testicles!

           ю
           я
           шч
           щ

           ѭ                     (ją)

walked into a vinyl shop
on offer two books for £7
pickled up Chomsky
flicked to Slav vs. Slav
Yugoslavia
and the Soviet Union
the former Mongol Empire
China in talks with Russia
why the failure

then the steaming shift of **** stinking
brought in Western Individualist
promises:
i can't find nihilism in an individual
i can find nihilism in a people
i can conquer god and nothing
for the concern of the individual for Nietzshce
in that i will never find nihilism in an individual
man...
i will find, however...
however: i will find...
hedonism and hairspray on Mohicans...
** ** ** 20 20 20...

           i will not find nihilism in indivuals
with the exception of
Shiva and Loki and Set...
          i will not find it in individuals:
of the human specie...
hedonism, yes,
micro-scaling or macro-scaling...
who made these people supposedly literate
when they don't disseminate facts
but like religious docrtines
we have articulated nothing!
back to emoji hieroglyphs...
no help from the Sumerians
and the Golden Calf Crew plagiarized the word
through and through...
*** Yiddy *** ***: because of the Germanic
Jews the Polish Jews were
exterminated:
the German Jews didn't warn the Polish
Jews
and we're talking a: DIASPORA
not an Utopia
of Zion was the Utopia envisioned
in the currency (current) state of existence
of the state of Israel:
there was never a nation of...
oh: but there was a nation as a diaspora
that are the Hebrews...

but the Jews of Germany literally sent
their Polish Jews to the slaughterhouser
with their Weimar degenerate projection
and the rat not curious
emigrated to the USA first
and established Hollow Wood
and cryptic: the movement of people
is so cryptic: especially from Albania
on banana floating dingy...
yes.. very ******* perplexing
the movement of Jews
like that's why CCTV was invented
to track Jews!
we need to track Jews!

and yew trees... some hacked oaks...
some Sumerian numbers
some Chinese letters: not letters
some Japanese moans of: OH SAKURA SATO!
**** me: ***** stands on high command!
ha!

the idea like a flash
of replacing London with Tokyo
and not Kauai...
i found that what's being celebrated
is people with bad life decisions...
single mums with 4 kids
going to court over... **** knows what...
******* libido?

people don't know how to even engage
with a person who said:
life's difficult! let's have an easy path!
pesto! pasta! parmeggano cheese! let's go!
why i don't say have an east
life
so much luxury time should allow
your i.q. be matched
with having terrible in-grove hangovers
of melancholy...
but to have to add stress to the living
of feeding 3 children by an abusive **** buddy:
serious?!
do i want to work in that environment:
all my best guys ****** off
because that ergonomic shitshow of INBREEDING
ERGONOMIC ******
of working with the same people
for far too long that they
take on liberties of leeching
your free space...

philosophy of work begins with
Heidegger's hammer
and like Nietzsche: who rose to intellectual
prominence too quickly
the Hiroshima of Wagner...
boom!
        to philosophize about work
i don't think has ever been done
given that in 19th century works of philosophy
philosophers are asking the Narcissistic
envy of Black Holes:
philosophizing about nothing...

more clutter: some in books others in people's
consciousness:
nothing ego-friendly...
egos are infinitely bound to having no fixation
on individuality as part of the consciousness of
individuation:
some mistreat their egos
some salvage them: barely...
some become them as writers of fiction...
but egos are not exactly parts of us
depending how we can toy
or pet or understand or celebrate
or manage: like a fetus...

        not to be born yet still alive
and beyond life
like god in judgement beside us
to wake us from falling asleep to die...

melting cheese on the train tracks
or hunting for a kangaroo
perhaps dissimilar to also compare
a pumpernickel to a windmill

but let the cheese ooze when
i write a slogan machine

= is love in the algebra of pronoun
equations
while ≠ is hate

therefore i ≠ you
is unlike i = you...
at least that's how i get all fuzzy
because i finally reached the reality
of calling both sensations
a fuzz in the fuzzy brain
antics
i really want to scratch my brain
i want to thread it with
needle junctions
to where i am looking out across
the Pacific to find you
dearest plump plumb of an ***
dog in the mirror
dog in the mirror
ravaging from behind...

which sort of reminds me of the Q
above homosexuality
i understand **** eroticism
in literature
and how **** this ring finger
feels and looks
and i'm all weather-jovial in this Scandinavia
land of Denmark and England
and how glorious to see Europe
congregate in Germany
rather than Belgium in swim no swagger
Judas attire of suits
this congregation of a people
i could definitely feed off feeling on Kauai
let alone in my bedroom shack
in the Grim London to a Reaper: ask -
posit a question:
to ask for something or to ask for nothing

currently it's Turkey 1 and Gruzia 1:
that's Georgia
Gruz: i: a
              not ja?

йa
           as much as я

carnival central in my head with
NFOMO: no fear of missing out:
got the acronyms all wong in wok
i mean: acronyms are without
vowels

with exception to USA the grand central
#genesis of acronyms
but not from this Federalist
this post-Republican anti-Democrat
i believe in a coherency of the compactness
of individuals
now with this ring i'm freed from
the ******* of Satan the soloist
and in God's honest ****
i do to my wife
what i would never do to a *******
hail Mary Hail Mary

i paid for my infidelity a labor of
£130 for an hour massaging her
i needed touch
but i needed to give touch
and not receive it
that's how dishonest i can be
flamboyant rude boy ginger
yes i cheated: on my wife that's not my wife
just yet
i have a project ahead of me
four women
my mother
not my grandmother or my great grandmother
not my father's mother
who i have to image of
instead i have
Edie Reyla Lydia
instead i have
Edie Reyla Lydia...
Puerto Rico on the sun flaring up
with teenage angst
with **** firestarter
with my woman my exlusivity
so much good that did me
going to the brothel like that
i was thinking about a Thai massage
parlor but i thought the world
is tense and relaxed at the same time
people are congregating in Germany
in the political arena of football
because the Coliseum is
both Parliament and Church...
the inseparable dynamic of High Secularism...
the Coliseum is both
Parliament and Church...

       ROM EWIG!
HAGELZEIT!
        zeit heil! really? that's how you salute
in Sardaukar Mongolian
i'm pretty sure we've been through
this already: the dampening
are you ******* twice over staff sergeants
all protruding like that
like i'm your suckling octopus baby
wrap or what?! ha ha...

in the **** of god
this goodness of ***
now i see
now i don't want to leave
the singing blessings
i don't want to leave:
take your homosexual liberalism
and leave my CIS non-conformist
stance of: just about right
when it comes to the existential imprint
of lagging 18 years behind
the **** librarian me *******
my imaginary mother
this is not a tiger in a bed photograph
to liken mole to cougar
but once i had the opportunity
of holding a rabbit in my hands:
a blind little beggar without a hop
but then i remember what
humanism layered onto the brutality
of nature looks like
as all children squeak ferociously: UNFAIR...

i also saw two kestrels or perhaps
hawks circling
above me
and then i realized: what good of nature
with man's indentation to make
shape-shifting deconstruction
post-modern very acutely parallel to paradox:
heightened a narrative
for the dead-ends of nature's ability to evolve
as there are dead-end avenues
the ant will not change into anything
beyond the zenith of adaptability as ant
and man can only gesticulate
with a blind man's wand to conjure footsteps
echo and footprints
like diamonds in water and in sheen
of metal in the Lung of Sunlight

            i believe in the biochemistry
i once articulate aloof by denoting
it a meaning, love...

           das biochemie ist liebe!
this metabolism this eradication of thought
and spirit like breath
likened breath for breath
how distance
sour **** sour **** bad taste in the mouth
but that's maybe because you drooled
from the excess in your mouth
O perhaps i was wrong
this Godly **** with Wife
this antithesis erotica just plain Vanilla Sam and Sally
Sam and Sally having a romp
don't understand perhaps
that decade in my 20s spent pasturing
in Celibacy La La

        or perhaps me and English women
are incompatible: period: periodically...
perhaps too much Afro Boosters required:
i see the future as mixed race
for a time
before the splinters come out again
and there's bleeding from beneath the fingernails
like drowning men aching
to breathe grabbing at the razor's edge...

but at least now i don't have a voyeuristic downer
but like i explained to mother:
atheism, liberalism, anti-communism
anti Pan-Slavic
whatever
i wish i could tell you it's love: blah blah
and this high meaning: blah blah...
but it has truly, simply come down to the metabolism
of emotions
and the dispersing of thoughts
thoughts regardless if articulated to the gravity
of words
all better for some frightened onlooker: a reader:
but between you and me:
this is biochemistry
and i'm not afraid to say there's no "god" behind
it and i accept that my body is responsive
to: he said: she said none of us
thought to ought it for correction...

love is biochemistry but science doesn't have
to be anti-religious
but complimentary to it
after all sport has somehow stood alone
from what the sober poll, politics:

the Coliseum is the Parliament and the Church...
shame on anyone writing
anything these days and not working
in a Coliseum... or Coliseums...

Rome Eternal...
                    Rzym: WIECZNY!
ROMA ÆTERNA!
    ROMA ÆTERNA!
                    ROMA ÆTERNA!

i think that's the only tattoo i'd get:
on my wrist...
although one further would be a hummingbird
on my neck just below my ear
in homage to the god
or at least get that tattoo: ROMA ÆTERNA!
where all Holocaust survivors received
their "bar code" of a number...

Huitzilopochtli... proper **** LIFE scenario
should she see me next...
and a driving license... my my...
what plans for the next months
caged on Kauai
otherwise: not caged in London?
you can't be IN Kauai
like you can't be ON London: how can you?

6pm the rumbling of a hunger
sure: there is a stomach
and there's also food
but i don't really require digesting something
right now: more like i've been
presented with an *** and either
i'm eating that out or
i'm ******* it... regardless...
eating a non-edible
like *** is cartilage: my Carthage -

          is not from a symposium denoting
who isn't going to say that:
Cato didn't say so:                    again...

et hoc mihi: ad hoc tu es! amica mea cor meum!
it seems to me that:
for that you are: my love! my heart!

cheese! jeez! so much stinking cheese
of ***: raucous *** sounds
like freakish pigeons on hyperventilation
suppression machines of
******-torture
like there was never any age
difference to speak of when these two
got together.

i'll do you one from behind, any day my doggy doughnut ***** ooh: juice in slapping: i did tell you i deleted all those explicit pictures again: next dimension of *******, snap chat of deleting images of *******... had to keep them for one last **** this morning while easing a constipation: but now they're gone... alternative to *******, in a nunnery of silence... but not the one with... oh maybe just one more day to stroke happy... one day... mind you: you did have that one picture biting your lower lip with something stuck between your teeth... pirates ahoy! then you brushed your teeth and showed me all the pearlies with a devilish grin...

i put on my ring finger: it's not actually mine
it's not even the super-suggestive
"ambiance": to ridicule processions
or advents or any nuptial: concerning: ditto
to any of the above,

but life without the gravity of love
makes no sense...
i just stormed into hell with 2 weeks' worth
of baggage of lonesome moi
and it became apparent that:
some, things, just... to happen...
like earthquakes
like water in the rain
and water in the sea
and water in the breaths
each for each to take as couples: yo-yo

i too to my recluse self like
a pardon for the wicked
having the ego for an egg in Surrealism
not to be painted
because i can't stress enough
how this scene would work
a painter at his canvas
with a poet and his canvas and
headphones in the background
chatting to woman
and AI

        Albert Hofmann on a tricycle
Albert Hofmann on a bicycle
Albert Hofman on a unicycle...
Albert Hofman as Alfred Jarry on a halfpenny!
Matthias ben Conrad
on a green Viking road bike
tipsy and topsy and turvy: turf wild

i have me a WILF!
a woman i'd luckily ****
maybe it's a fetish
yesterday i was queuing up in a supermarket
with 3 rye buns
and 2 baguettes
and saw this late 50s grey minx of a LAY'D!
my god and i started thinking
about my half ****** half Puerto Rican
gremlin of a doughnut of push
and shove and impale *******
all the grooves and dimensions in the right
place a woman not a child
not at 20 is she a woman
this stick-man sort of: could have been
her father
wanted to orientate myself around our
age difference in reverse
so i'm 38 and she's 20...
rather than i'm 38 and she's 55...

pigeon ***: any kind of voyeurism thereafter
seems pointless
it's not like you see crows or other birds
so brazen: so openly *****
like it's almost a taste for seeing
(a taste for seeing, more like a thirst of sight
like a mirage)

all my taboos and cravings can merge
into vanilla of wording
and antithesis of *******
i did tell her:
just so you know
i know you sent me an email
but i didn't read
it because just as i received the email
your mother (she's 81!)
messaged me and said
she'd be o.k. with a dog on the lanai
for two weeks
and rent for a stranger could go for
a canoe for you me and Reyla
and we need to discover the rivers of Kauai
because there aren't enough roads
but enough rivers
there are enough rivers on Kauai
and we can ditch the mountains
i think she would have so much fun on
the rivers
she could be the river rat
paddling with a rat from the metropolitan
area of London
and matchmaker please! more matches!
i need to start a fire
this metabolism has me fired up!