1812 - 1888/English Edward Lear was an English artist, illustrator, author, and poet, renowned today primarily for his literary nonsense, in poetry and prose, and especially his limericks, a form that he popularised.
There was an old man of El Hums, Who lived upon nothing but crumbs, Which he picked off the ground, With the other birds round, In the roads and the lanes of El Hums.
There was an old man of Ibreem, Who suddenly threaten'd to scream; But they said, 'If you do, We will thump you quite blue, You disgusting old man of Ibreem!'
There was an Old Man of Jamaica, Who suddenly married a Quaker; But she cried out, 'Alack! I have married a black!' Which distressed that Old Man of Jamaica.
There was an Old Man of Kamschatka, Who possessed a remarkable fat cur; His gait and his waddle Were held as a model To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.
There was an Old Man of Kildare, Who climbed into a very old chair; When he said,--"Here I stays,-- till the end of my days," That immovable Man of Kildare.
There was an Old Man of Madras, Who rode on a cream-coloured ***; But the length of its ears, So promoted his fears, That it killed that Old Man of Madras.
There was an Old Man of Marseilles, Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils; They caught several Fish, Which they put in a dish, And sent to their Pa' at Marseilles.
There was an Old Man of Melrose, Who walked on the tips of his toes; But they said, 'It ain't pleasant, To see you at present, You stupid Old Man of Melrose.
There was an Old Man of Nepaul, From his horse had a terrible fall; But, though split quite in two, By some very strong glue, They mended that Man of Nepaul.
There was an old man of Port Grigor, Whose actions were noted for vigour; He stood on his head, Till his waistcoat turned red, That eclectic old man of Port Grigor.
There was an old man of Spithead, Who opened the window, and said,-- 'Fil-jomble, fil-jumble, Fil-rumble-come-tumble!' That doubtful old man of Spithead.
There was an Old Man of th' Abruzzi, So blind that he couldn't his foot see; When they said, 'That's your toe,' He replied, 'Is it so?' That doubtful Old Man of th' Abruzzi.
There was an old man of Thames Ditton, Who called for something to sit on; But they brought him a hat, And said--'Sit upon that, You abruptious old man of Thames Ditton!'
There was an Old Man of the Cape, Who possessed a large Barbary ape, Till the ape one dark night Set the house all alight, Which burned that Old Man of the Cape.
There was an old man of the Dargle Who purchased six barrels of Gargle; For he said, 'I'll sit still, And will roll them down hill, For the fish in the depths of the Dargle.'
There was an Old Man of the Dee, Who was sadly annoyed by a flea; When he said, 'I will scratch it,' They gave him a hatchet, Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee.
There was an Old Man of the East, Who gave all his children a feast; But they all ate so much And their conduct was such That it killed that Old Man of the East.
There was an Old Man of the Nile, Who sharpened his nails with a file, Till he cut out his thumbs, And said calmly, 'This comes Of sharpening one's nails with a file!'
There was an Old Man of the North, Who fell into a basin of broth; But a laudable cook, Fished him out with a hook, Which saved that Old Man of the North.
There was an old man of Thermopylae, Who never did anything propersly; But they said, 'If you choose, To boil eggs in your shoes, You shall never remain in Thermopylae.
There was an old man of Thermopylж, Who never did anything properly; But they said, "If you choose, To boil eggs in your shoes, You shall never remain in Thermopylж."
There was an Old Man of the South, Who had an immederate mouth; But in swallowing a dish, That was quite full of fish, He was choked, that Old Man of the South.
There was an Old Man of the Wrekin Whose shoes made a horrible creaking But they said, 'Tell us whether, Your shoes are of leather, Or of what, you Old Man of the Wrekin?'
There was an old man of Three Bridges, Whose mind was distracted by midges, He saate on a wheel, Eating underdone veal, Which relieved that old man of Three Bridges.
There was an old man of Toulouse Who purchased a new pair of shoes; When they asked, 'Are they pleasant?'-- He said, 'Not at present!' That turbid old man of Toulouse.
There was an Old Man of Vesuvius, Who studied the works of Vitruvius; When the flames burnt his book, To drinking he took, That morbid Old Man of Vesuvius.
There was an old man of West Dumpet, Who possessed a large nose like a trumpet; When he blew it aloud, It astonished the crowd, And was heard through the whole of West Dumpet.
There was an Old Man of Whitehaven, Who danced a quadrille with a raven; But they said, 'It's absurd To encourage this bird!' So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven.
There was an Old Man on some rocks, Who shut his wife up in a box; When she said, 'Let me out!' He exclaimed, 'Without doubt, You will pass all your life in that box.'
There was an old man on the Border, Who lived in the utmost disorder; He danced with the cat, And made tea in his hat, Which vexed all the folks on the Border.
There was an old man on the Humber, Who dined on a cake of burnt Uumber; When he said--'It's enough!'-- They only said, 'Stuff! You amazing old man of the Humber!'
There was an Old Man, on whose nose, Most birds of the air could repose; But they all flew away At the closing of day, Which relieved that Old Man and his nose.
There was an Old Man who said, 'How Shall I flee from that horribke cow? I will sit on this stile, And continue to smile, Which may soften the heart of that cow.'
There was an Old Man who said, 'Hush! I perceive a young bird in this bush!' When they said, 'Is it small?' He replied, 'Not at all! It is four times as big as the bush!'
There was an Old Man who said, 'Well! Will nobody answer this bell? I have pulled day and night, Till my hair has grown white, But nobody answers this bell!'
There was an old man who screamed out Whenever they knocked him about; So they took off his boots, And fed him with fruits, And continued to knock him about.
