1812 - 1888/English Edward Lear was an English artist, illustrator, author, and poet, renowned today primarily for his literary nonsense, in poetry and prose, and especially his limericks, a form that he popularised.
There was an old man whose remorse, Induced him to drink Caper Sauce; For they said, 'If mixed up, With some cold claret-cup, It will certainly soothe your remorse!'
There was an Old Man who supposed, That the street door was partially closed; But some very large rats, Ate his coats and his hats, While that futile old gentleman dozed.
There was an old man who when little Fell casually into a kettle; But, growing too stout, He could never get out, So he passed all his life in that kettle.
There was an Old Man with a beard, Who sat on a horse when he reared; But they said, "Never mind! You will fall off behind, You propitious Old Man with a beard!"
There was an Old Man with a flute, A sarpint ran into his boot; But he played daay and night, Till the sarpint took flight, And avoided that man with a flute.
There was an Old Man with a gong, Who bumped at it all day long; But they called out, 'O law! You're a horrid old bore!' So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.
There was an Old Man with a nose, Who said, 'If you choose to suppose, That my nose is too long, You are certainly wrong!' That remarkable Man with a nose.
There was an Old Man with a poker, Who painted his face with red oker When they said, 'You're a Guy!' He made no reply, But knocked them all down with his poker.
There was an Old Person from Gretna, Who rushed down the crater of Etna; When they said, 'Is it hot?' He replied, 'No, it's not!' That mendacious Old Person of Gretna.
There was an old person in black, A Grasshopper jumped on his back; When it chirped in his ear, He was smitten with fear, That helpless old person in black.
There was an old person in gray, Whose feeling were tinged with dismay; She purchased two parrots, And fed them with carrots, Which pleased that old person in gray.
There was an Old Person of Anerley, Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly; He rushed down the Strand With a pig in each hand, But returned in the evening to Anerley.
There was an Old Person of Bangor, Whose face was distorted with anger! He tore off his boots, And subsisted on roots, That irascible Person of Bangor.
There was an old person of Barnes, Whose garments were covered with darns; But they said, 'Without doubt, You will soon wear them out, You luminous person of Barnes!'
There was an Old Person of Basing, Whose presence of mind was amazing; He purchased a steed, Which he rode at full speed, And escaped from the people of Basing.
There was an Old Person of Berlin, Whose form was uncommonly thin; Till he once, by mistake, Was mixed up in a cake, So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.
There was an old person of Blythe, Who cut up his meat with a saythe; When they said, 'Well! I never!'-- he cried, 'Scythes for ever!' That lively old person of Blythe.
There was an old person of Bree, Who frequented the depths of the sea; she nurs'd the small fishes, And washed all the dishes, And swam back again into Bree.
There was an old person of Brigg, Who purchased no end of a wig; So that only his nose, And the end of his toes, Could be seen when he walked about Brigg.
There was an old person of Brill, Who purchased a shirt with a frill; But they said, 'Don't you wish, You mayn't look like a fish, You obsequious ol person of Brill?'
There was an old person of Bromley, Whose ways were not cheerful or comely; He sate in the dust, Eating spiders and crust, That unpleasing old person of Bromley.
There was an Old Person of Buda, Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder; Till at last, with a hammer, They silenced his clamour, By smashing that Person of Buda.
There was an old person of Bude, Whose deportment was vicious and crude; He wore a large ruff, Of pale straw-coloured stuff, Which perplexed all the people of Bude.
There was an Old Person of Burton, Whose answers were rather uncertain; When they said, 'How d'ye do?' He replied, 'Who are you?' That distressing Old Person of Burton.
There was an Old Person of Cadiz, Who was always polite to all ladies; But in handing his daughter, He fell into the water, Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz.
There was an old person of Cannes, Who purchased three fowls and a fan; Those she placed on a stool, And to make them feel cool She constantly fanned them at Cannes.
There was an old person of Cassel, Whose nose finished off in a tassel; But they call'd ou, 'Oh well!-- Don't it look like a bell!' Which perplexed that old person of Cassel.
There was an Old Person of Cheadle, Who was put in the stocks by the beadle For stealing some pigs, Some coats, and some wigs, That horrible person of Cheadle.
There was an Old Person of Chester, Whom several small children did pester; They threw some large stones, Which broke most of his bones, And displeased that Ols Person of Chester.
There was an Old Person of Chili, Whose conduct was painful and silly, He sate on the stairs, Eating apples and pears, That imprudent Old Person of Chili.
There was an Old Person of Cromer, Who stood on one leg to read Homer; When he found he grew stiff, He jumped over the cliff, Which concluded that Person of Cromer.
There was an old person of Crowle, Who lived in the nest of an owl; When they screamed in the nest, He screamed out with the rest, That depressing old person of Crowle.
There was an old person of Deal, Who in walking, used only his heel; When they said, 'Tell us why?'-- He made no reply; That mysterious old person of Deal.
There was an old person of Dean, Who dined on one pea, and one bean; For he said, 'More than that, Would make me too fat,' That cautious old person of Dean.
There was an Old Person of Dover, Who rushed through a field of blue Clover; But some very large bees, Stung his nose and his knees, So he very soon went back to Dover.
There was an old person of Down, Whose face was adorned with a frown; When he opened the door, For one minute or more, He alarmed all the people of Down.
There was an old person of Dundalk, Who tried to teach fishes to walk; When they tumbled down dead, He grew weary, and said, 'I had better go back to Dundalk!'
There was an old person of Ealing, Who was wholly devoid of good feeling; He drove a small gig, With three Owls and a Pig, Which distressed all the people of Ealing.
There was an Old Person of Ewell, Who chiefly subsisted on gruel; But to make it more nice He inserted some mice, Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.
There was an old person of Fife, Who was greatly disgusted with life; They sang him a ballad, And fed him on salad, Which cured that old person of Fife.
There was an old person of Filey, Of whom his acquaintance spoke highly; He danced perfectly well, To the sound of a bell, And delighted the people of Filey.
There was an old person of Florence, Who held mutton chops in abhorrence; He purchased a Bustard, And fried him in Mustard, Which choked that old person of Florence.
There was an old person of Grange, Whose manners were scroobious and strange; He sailed to St. Blubb, In a waterproof tub, That aquatic old person of Grange.
