ure the slow poison,which looks otherwise
the patient killer with a criminal mind
im that moth attracted to the light
im that victim completely blind
ure the flame which ignites
the matchstick that shines bright...
at first,for a while...
n then only to die...
but my ashes will remain
n time erases time
n ill be the one who will survive
ill be the cure to ur bite
ill be the one with the fresh start
n ull be the one alive,but a with a dead heart

when the day seems boring and long
when everything goes wrong
when bad stuff happen and i cant get along
when nothing goes right, n there's no hope of change.
when god knows i cant hold on any longer,he sends an angel.
when im soaking my pillow with tears at night.
the angel comes to make things right.
she comforts me n i hold her tight.
she stays with me until my burdens gone n i feel light.
she helps me into bed n bids me g'nyt.
atlast she smiles a dazzling smile,behind her i c the stars shine bright.
i smile back at her as she goes away...
the next day,im on my way.
hurrying so i dont miss the bus.
mum kisses me goodbye n makes a fuss.
on my seat, i snuggle up to sleep.
but when u came my heart made a huge leap.
because suddenly i remembered last night...
it gives me a thrill ,a kinda fright.
as i shake hands with you n u smile a dazzling smile.
i recognize the angel, from last night.

One day we will recover
And time will erase time
One day u will discover
One day you'll shine
You'll learn to trust the world again
you'll learn to let go
Dance freely in the rain
hope for A non-boring tomorrow.

Let the past go finger by finger,
You'll make it hurt, but alive.
The memories wont hurt when u remember.
You'll learn to live rather than survive.

Its upto u to make the change,
Because people will come n people will go.
Nothin will ever remain the same
Dwelling in the past will hurt u more.

In the end nothing will matter,
Except for the memories u share.
Because people u Love may leave,
but wen u need them they will Somehow be there.

You'll learn to be urslf again
Smile a lil more.
life is free, do as u please.
Adventure is waitin at ur door.

you'll realize u dont need the wands or magic
For The sparkle , the fairy dust is already there.
Life in ur hands is a journey,a voyage,
Let go of the past n sail without a care.

You're the captain of the ship,
the vast sea is all yours.
Take a chance n taste different fishes,
fear not,the past,the future will never be lost.

You'll see when u open your heart n let all the memories flow,
You'll realize,your THE captain jack ayesha-o.
U can make life as crazy as u can,
these memories will One day make u glow.
You'll Stop searching for the same safe land.
One day you'll realize all u needed was a new telescope.

Where ever u may set sail to.
no matter what changes or happens
remember,ur crew will b right beside u.
Their voices forever ringing
"aye aye captain"

i might be broken.
i might have nothing.
i might be rotten.
i may have lost everything.
i might be forgotten.
i may be,
that 'her' down the lane of memory.
and the only thing that's left in me.
is that belief.
that somewhere.
around,up there.
there is a god.
and somewhere down here,
there is hope.
and somehow some day i believe ill find.
i believe ill find them both.

Take a risk, take a chance
Make a change, and breakaway
Don't let life rule you
Be the ruler of your own life
You can make it
You best believe it
I aint just saying it
You just aint seeing it
Slip on them shades
Drown them all in the earthquake of who I know you to be
Beautiful and deadly
Make them surrender or better yet leave
Leave em all gawking like fish out of thier bowls
Though they'll never let you see it show
Tryna figure out how they got it so wrong
And you got what they call 'gold'
That fire in your eyes
That smile on your lips
Fighting and fighting even when you feel closest to beaten broken
And how even when you're beaten
You still fall gracefully
*** you got what they be chasing
No i'm not just saying it
The truth is i'm not fakin it
I've seen it
But I can't tell ya
That's not for me to tell ya
So you best just believe me
When I tell you
You need to find it within you
Hold it close
Don't let it go now
Hold on till it's dark now
Hold on till it's hard to
Even when it hurts to
Know that even the greatest fall, too
But still remain great
Because they found out where the secret lies too
and so can you,
Believe in yourself
n you'll make it through...  
                                  - haych

.....I feel passion course through my veins
sudden determination I cant constrain
your words are magic and work like a balm
I'm hypnotized, word after word, serene n calm
they give me hope, I remember my place
insuppressible smiles adorn my face
I feel like myself, you hold me together.
you make me do things I haven't done in forever.
your words transform into power
that I now possess.
with you by my side, I can aim for success.
i wander down the track unused for ages,
I ponder about things that haunted me like plagues
I stand up, I stand tall
knowing you'd be there if i ever fall
I believe in myself,i believe in you
but most of all I believe in us...
and know we'll somehow make it through :)
                                                      -me

I see the massive carriers in the horizon.
Completely covering my vision.
They hang heavy and low,
Looking gray and burdened.
Carrying,enduring all year long,
They move slowly forward.
the wind howls Its time to let go...
With a loud crack,thunder-like the sound of heart break,
The lightning crashes...
As the dams break down.

my arms open wide.
On my face,a soft smile.
Face toward the sky,
With closed eyes.

As the clouds give up n let go,
Tiny drops turn into heavy torrents.
I let my tears flow...
I embraced the rain.

And together we made it through.
Together we watched as the sun made its way.
Creating a rainbow,vibrant colors and hues.
As The rain n tears wash away.

Together we become one.
And As the sun shines upon us
We make way,
For the sun rises to heal n conceal,
For A new day has come.

All that's left of him is the ghost of his being.
A life shortened to flash backs and memories.
                                                                    
But its all I've got.                                        
And i guess its a gift from God.                    
That i see you smile in everyone of them.      
                                                                                  
RIP. hope you're smiling wherever you are :')

The light slowly dims away
Leaving room for the darkness to follow
The night folds in to help rejuvenate
To prepare young souls for another tomorrow
The stars appear now
Forming clusters
The mighty moon shines as the sun bows low
The birds snuggle into their nests
The gentle whispering breeze blows
Stars twinkle,moon shines,the sky changes colours
To blow away all ur fears n sorrow
God made this, all for u...
Creating an atmosphere of warmth n peace.
silence n darkness so deep,
so his beloved soul can fall asleep.
Goodnight love,sweet dreams.

Sometimes i cry...
And i don't even know why...
So later i conclude,
I cried because i was confused.

Hello again depression! its been a while...

heavy bags,bouncing busses n sweaty days.
Is what i called ****** school life.
Obnoxious teachers getting their ways.
Rules,regulations and continuous strife.
i had decided to stick to studies coz fun doesn't last anyway
Finish off school being invisible coz friendship is but for a few days
what i didn't know back then
Was in d end ill have these idiots i call my friends
Idiots who made me laugh wen i wanted to cry
idiots who changed my point of view making me realize

That good Friends do not get replaced
They just make their way into hearts n make their own space
m not even kidding when i say
These r professional idiots in every way

Like he_ for example cant get enough of screaming my name simply for fun
But i know that if i had to pick the sweetest concerned friend,she would b the one
she's an all rounder, amazing at everything
with her, fun is always present even while studying
People who annoy u r d ones who care most
is what i try to believe when it comes to this dost
who Even after she dies will probably haunt me as a ghost
Ni_ wont even budge if i say get lost
and great gh_ believes she's the only one who can b rude to her friends
and if anyone else dares the same,off with their heads!
A thriller movie is life according to her Highness
Her laughter echoes with pure childish innocence <3

These idiots may tease me till there's nothing left
But r also bodyguards of my deepest secrets
Their jokes n sarcasm will have u in fits
it is true i love these idiots to bits
idiots who add up to my best friends list
Idiots i consider as priceless gifts

Coz They r special in so many ways
coz They r bandages to my wounds, Brought back my lost smile
they're The 'start button' to my new life
coz They accepted me d way i was
N mostly Coz,
since my heart was no more
These guys aimed for my soul

N they got it.

:) dedicated to my frnz in IIS

Sometimes ,some days, i don't remember who i used to be.
*My childhood, lost among all the flashes & memories.

And at times, it hits...
Comes back bit by bit..
Glorious, Mysterious ,Magical.
Pure, Striking, Painful.

I hope one day i find her.
That person i used to be.
But for now,
I hear the smile,
in her words when she sings;

I'll sing to u* ,
The words unspoken..
Remind u of the long forgotten.

Unravel our past,our silenced history.
And darling ,the wind will carry u home.
Carry u home,To me.

i'll find you when i'm ready.

Eyes alight
Laughter loud
The waves hittin d shore, d only sound
As v wade into the crystal blue
Splishing n  splashing-so much fun
stories n jokes over bbq
as up above dances d sun
Tho smile on my face a sadness lingers
i should stop hoping,coz its hoping for nothingness
wishful thinking's steel cold fingers
I should stop believing on u i guess.
I should let go of u,coz it drives me mad
i need to let go,i dont wana b dis sad.
I should let go of u... n slowly i will...
D only question now...
is well, how?!

I saw her after some time, and recognizing her took me a while...
She had gained a lot of weight, mast be due to the stress and strain.
Unusual bags underneath her eyes,
Which once shone, are now engulfed in pain.
Her normally well-kept hair lies in a tangled mess.
Worry lines, spots, a frown and signs of stress.
seem to have taken the place,
of a once cheerful look created by the curve on her face.
She looks worn out, pale and weak.
As if she'd pass out if she tried to speak.
Drooped are her shoulders,
Gone is her smile,
To get back to who she was, is gonna take her a while.
But Alas! there is no turning back and fate is the only factor to blame.
Forced her to leave family , friends and the place she called home.
Burdened by the present, she realizes nothing's gonna stay the same.
So she stands up, and prepares to face life on her own.
Faces the future but tries to hold onto the slippery past.
In hopes of making those beautiful memories last.
She maybe called a fighter, but its getting harder...
She's on the verge of letting go...
"Don't lose faith in God, believe in a better tomorrow"
with a watery smile, to her i whisper.
"you're almost there, its just a little while longer"
are my departing words,
As i turn and walk away from the mirror.

Sometimes i wish,
I don't have to wish,
Whatever i wish for,
Because the only thing i wish for is what i had before...

They separate,not like shards of shattered glass ,
but More like the leaves of autumn..
fading away,falling down.
Each finding their own color.
Scarlet, copper , golden brown.
Unsteady at first,
Swaying on the way.
But steady at last,
as they land safe.
Each fallin leaf,has its story to tell.
About the warm sun shine,
N how The lil rain drops felt.
how they changed shades,
and how they danced  
As slowly
On different parts of the world they land.
the proud tree watches,
she knows they'll find their way...
As the snow blankets,Hiding them away.
Protecting and shielding them
until the day..
The spring breaks through and the fallen leaves now shine ,
In form of Lil buds and flowers so beautiful so divine.

We will find our way.
Soon, if not now.
Some day, some way.
Some where ,some how.

And all the graphs, lines and figures.
All these words,verbs and expressions.

Seem to be...
A mechanic drone, a dry monotonic lecture,
By an uninterested , indifferent teacher.
So i closed my eyes shutting out the world.
Drowning their voices, views & wise words.

And like the knight in shining armor,
The savior, the survivor.
I heard it from within.

Rhythmic, continuous, consistent.
Strong, focused, Resilient.
Beat After Beat.
Never giving up, Nor giving in.

Its been this way from the very beginning.
& seemed to find no reason to give in.

I had the answers to my questions.
I knew it was right, So I closed my eyes...
And **Let My Heart Decide.

Some people are like wounds which leave no scar
They disappear without a sign

You , were like a shooting star
That made life divine
you came with all your glory
the dazzle,the shine
But belonged to nobody

Though that once u were mine
Maybe my hold was not strong enough
But u made me realize
Some people are not to keep n love
they are gifts sent for a period of time

U made me feel special
the faintest Magic u sprinkled
And for that im grateful
Coz it was enough to change my life

I forever watched the vast sky
To catch a glimpse of your shine
I waited for another time
Hoped for something that will never be mine

I treasured every moment
with you That i spent
Coz u were worth Every bit
And always will be
That star i wished upon
That flawless ceaseless melody

I KNOW ITS WRONG.
But there is an urge in me,
To destroy something...its so strong.
I've never felt this way before, its scary.
I see black surrounding my vision.
It feels as though inside me just occurred an explosion.
So i throw a punch at the wall and the door.
Hard and painful enough to last for a week or more.
I want to run, screaming into the night.
I want to be rude, hurt someone and put up a fight.
I want to get the anger out on someone and feel free.
But i simply cant,
Because the one who triggered my anger,is no one but me.

The drastic change,
From
2 hrs 20 mins.
To
2 mins 59 seconds.
That's how long we spoke for.
It was long enough.

           The Phone Call.
A phone call.
Is all it takes.
To break down the wall.
To push through my heart,a stake.
My heart cracks a little,at every second.
just want to hold the phone & have u on the other end.
No need for words.
Coz every word hurts.
To say or to hear.
You sound so far yet so near.
I want to scream at how unaffected u seem to be.
Like nothing changed,when how long it has been!
How familiar and distant your voice sounds at d same time.
How u still sound like you did, when you were mine.
I wanna shout at u,stay mad at u,
I wanna hug u, tell u how much ive missed u.
I wanna hang up.
I wanna hold on.
U wreck me.
U break me.
U rebuild me.
U make me.
I smile, through tears.
I laugh ,swallowing the lump in my throat.
You're a monster ,
You're an angel ,
My drug.
My addiction.
My love.
My affliction.
Letting u go too soon to sudden,
Means death to me.
Only time, can determine. Can set me free.
& after time erases time..
I pray i make it out alive.

I thought i had moved on.
I thought i had let go.
pushed myself to stay strong.
little did i suspect that all along,
i had been in denial. i had been wrong.
i realized it when...
i heard my friends thought I'm bipolar secretly.
i don't blame them.
coz i seem to be having the time of my life and suddenly...,
its like i snap shut.All our friendship ties cut.
i realized when i had unintentionally ran away.
from the things and people reminding me of my past.
when all i seem to do is push people away.
and the fun times i spend with these friends just don't last.
when my family thinks ive changed.
when all of a sudden i feel so stranded and lost.
when friends tell me I'm strange.
when at nights the past still continuously haunts.
i don't think they understand.
how messed up i really am.
i don't think they realize, I'm that empty cage.
that soul-less nobody. a waste of space.
the lifeless person who is not supposed to be.
i don't think they see.
that the little glimpses they catch at times,
is the real buried me.

the gray clouds hang low,
The wind howls n screams
But within i feel a warm glow,
Like living in a dream.
A hazy happy place
lost in my reverie
A soft smile curved on my face
Thoughts again, r down the lane of memory..
Until of course, i blink...
n snap back into reality.
I cant help but think,
U dont need to be here to make me smile...
Ur memories do it all the time.
Maybe the storms still here...
Maybe life is testing my fears.
Maybe im not n never will b fine.
But maybe ur memories will help me go on... until v meet nxt tym.

So many buildings.
So many boulders.
Enclosed,trapped,crowded.
Yet the sun still finds its way.
To peek through them everyday.
Bright, shining.
Warm, penetrating.

under the rain again .

My soul purpose - to get her back up.
She has fallen, & it feels like a part of me is gone.
Something is missing.
something is Wrong.
Nothing else mattered.
None except her existed.
I'm gonna keep her going,
Doesn't matter where i stand.
Ill b her oxygen ,ill do everything i can.
I can see right through it.
I know how she feels.
That expression is just a mask.
How well she conceals!
I admire her strength to keep moving on.
The way she suppresses the pain,remains headstrong.
Ill wait for as long as it takes.
Your shoulder to lean upon.
I believe in u honey,
ull end up better,wiser n strong.

And when ur finally able to smile freely again.
When uve made through all the pain,
Uve kicked away all the stress and strain.
Ill hold ur hand,
And we'll race thru and dance under the rain
Again. :)

I hate arguments.
Because if i lose, it makes me feel small,vulnerable and weak.
And if i were to win, there's just no sense of accomplishment.
Worn out i feel before i even begin to argue back, before i even begin to speak.
Because i know its gonna get me no-where.
So i just stay silent and don't retort.
But that doesn't mean i don't care.
that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Because the one thing that goes through my mind when we argue,
Is how come you seem to enjoy what you do?
How come i still like you?

And suddenly i see the world differently,
Girls with bright smiles
and slit wrists.
Shining eyes.
Broken pasts.
Shattered beautifully.
Sharp pieces held together carefully,
walking, taking steps forward.
The pieces cutting deeper, inwards.
Fighting, battling.
Hurting, Dying.
****** struggle, Beautiful remains.
     No pain, No gain
            innit mate?

The screaming loud silence
The undeniable stillness
The continuous pretense
The engulfing numbness
The final blow
The time to let go


Is here...

I'll make my own life & live it.
If there is a guy who can handle that,
He can have my hand.
And if he cant,
He can have my finger.

I wish i could flip pages of my diary & find entries from the future...

to the world he's just a sumbody
to them he's just some man
but to me he's the world
to me he's a hero
to e he's a dad <3

WHEN LIFE OFFERS YOU LEMONS...,


Life is just strange. Now you may disagree,

But maybe by the end of this poem, you'll see it how i see...
Its true that you can never be right, without doing wrong.
Somehow you don't realize what you have, until its gone.
'Hello' is never very far from 'Goodbye'.
The happiest and funniest memories can make you cry.
There's a little bit of good in everything that's bad.
You cant be really happy unless you were depressed and sad.
You may have a sweet tooth but cannot live without spice.
When you're burdened or pressurized,good always comes with a surprise.
The fear could be greater than the danger itself.
A new 'day' begins, when at night the clock strikes '12'.
A few days after a new hair cut, you feel it was better before.
When your enemy has what you have, you don't like what you had anymore.
The prettiest rainbow appears after a horrible storm.
Only when you're bored, life seems real long.
Life is just strange. I'm sure you have agreed.
So the next time it offers you lemons and bitter-guards,
Just know that its preparing you for something sweet...

Everything has changed...
Not a thing remains the same.
Its so sad yet strange...
People you loved become people you hate.
When they change and decide they're better off now.
That turning into a stranger makes them 'unique' somehow.
You changed everything about you, your looks, attitude and personality.
Suddenly it feels like you are an impostor standing before me.
But what shocks me the most,is that you did it right in front of my eyes.
From the closest person to a stranger you became,before i even realized.
I want to believe its an act and will wear off in time.
But its becoming harder to believe as we go on in life.
People say its just a phase, that 'you should simply give them some space'.
But honestly,i don't think i can do it anymore,
You are nothing like you were before.
I keep hoping everyday that the real you will return,
But as days pass your attitude makes my heart ache and burn.
I keep reminding myself of the past we once shared... every-time i'm about to give up and blow.
Back when we were happy,when you actually cared... those long talks with no care for tomorrow.
But the bitter truth hits me and i realize this is just who you are now.
And i swear i'll try real hard to get used to it somehow.
But no matter what changes,whatever you say or do...
i'll always remember 'us' and never let this stranger make me forget the real you.
                              THE 'you' i loved... i really miss you.