the gray clouds hang low,
The wind howls n screams
But within i feel a warm glow,
Like living in a dream.
A hazy happy place
lost in my reverie
A soft smile curved on my face
Thoughts again, r down the lane of memory..
Until of course, i blink...
n snap back into reality.
I cant help but think,
U dont need to be here to make me smile...
Ur memories do it all the time.
Maybe the storms still here...
Maybe life is testing my fears.
Maybe im not n never will b fine.
But maybe ur memories will help me go on... until v meet nxt tym.

The screaming loud silence
The undeniable stillness
The continuous pretense
The engulfing numbness
The final blow
The time to let go


Is here...

when the day seems boring and long
when everything goes wrong
when bad stuff happen and i cant get along
when nothing goes right, n there's no hope of change.
when god knows i cant hold on any longer,he sends an angel.
when im soaking my pillow with tears at night.
the angel comes to make things right.
she comforts me n i hold her tight.
she stays with me until my burdens gone n i feel light.
she helps me into bed n bids me g'nyt.
atlast she smiles a dazzling smile,behind her i c the stars shine bright.
i smile back at her as she goes away...
the next day,im on my way.
hurrying so i dont miss the bus.
mum kisses me goodbye n makes a fuss.
on my seat, i snuggle up to sleep.
but when u came my heart made a huge leap.
because suddenly i remembered last night...
it gives me a thrill ,a kinda fright.
as i shake hands with you n u smile a dazzling smile.
i recognize the angel, from last night.

All that's left of him is the ghost of his being.
A life shortened to flash backs and memories.
                                                                    
But its all I've got.                                        
And i guess its a gift from God.                    
That i see you smile in everyone of them.      
                                                                                  
RIP. hope you're smiling wherever you are :')

i might be broken.
i might have nothing.
i might be rotten.
i may have lost everything.
i might be forgotten.
i may be,
that 'her' down the lane of memory.
and the only thing that's left in me.
is that belief.
that somewhere.
around,up there.
there is a god.
and somewhere down here,
there is hope.
and somehow some day i believe ill find.
i believe ill find them both.

I thought i had moved on.
I thought i had let go.
pushed myself to stay strong.
little did i suspect that all along,
i had been in denial. i had been wrong.
i realized it when...
i heard my friends thought I'm bipolar secretly.
i don't blame them.
coz i seem to be having the time of my life and suddenly...,
its like i snap shut.All our friendship ties cut.
i realized when i had unintentionally ran away.
from the things and people reminding me of my past.
when all i seem to do is push people away.
and the fun times i spend with these friends just don't last.
when my family thinks ive changed.
when all of a sudden i feel so stranded and lost.
when friends tell me I'm strange.
when at nights the past still continuously haunts.
i don't think they understand.
how messed up i really am.
i don't think they realize, I'm that empty cage.
that soul-less nobody. a waste of space.
the lifeless person who is not supposed to be.
i don't think they see.
that the little glimpses they catch at times,
is the real buried me.

I hate arguments.
Because if i lose, it makes me feel small,vulnerable and weak.
And if i were to win, there's just no sense of accomplishment.
Worn out i feel before i even begin to argue back, before i even begin to speak.
Because i know its gonna get me no-where.
So i just stay silent and don't retort.
But that doesn't mean i don't care.
that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Because the one thing that goes through my mind when we argue,
Is how come you seem to enjoy what you do?
How come i still like you?