lights out
trees down
school out
our dependencies
we rely so much
it really is the truth

I thought you cared
About the gifts
I so lovingly crafted and bought
Only for them to be thrown out
Trashed

I thought you cared
About the compliments
As I gave you them
Never stopping the flow
No matter what you did

I thought you cared
About the weekends
We spent
Hand in hand
Before the morning sun

I thought you cared
About me
But it was all fake
All those days
All those words
All those gifts
Were they a joke to you?
I guess ill never know

!! DISCLAIMER !!
I am not trying to be sexist, homophobic, or racist through this poem. This poem might come off as offensive, or something else, but it is not intended to be this way. I am just sharing my feelings through poetry, and even I was scared to post my own true feelings through poetry. If this poem needs to be taken down, I will do so. If that happens, I will probably post my poetry elsewhere or keep it to myself. Thanks!
!! DISCLAIMER !!

This world we live in
Is confusing to say the least
Why have we changed so much?
Why don’t we stay the same?

Sometime last week
I was shouted at
By a girl
Saying I would never understand her pain
Saying that I
A straight white male
Was so fortunate
And I was offended
But in some ways
It is true

I understand
That my kin
Did unspeakable
Disgusting
Horrible
Things to you
And I know that some of them still happen today
But why is it my fault?
What did I do to you?

You say I have privilege
But what privilege do I have
When must I creep on every word I say?
Every action I take?
Every poem I write?

But before I go on
I want to give sorry
A sorry that my ancestors never could
Even if It doesn’t mean a lot
I still hope it helps

I feel like a circus
I have to entertain the crowd
One wrong move
And I get boos
Too showy off?
And I get boos
So I learn to keep up my guard
Never let my feelings out
Never let my true thoughts go

And to the girl last week
Who shouted at me
Just remember
If the world is against you
It is most definitely
Against me

you saw it too right, right?
it stands there in the corner
carrying every burden that dwells within your body but doesn’t want to leave it
that thing in the corner
it presents your fears, guilt, and trauma
it’ll whisper about conflicts that will never leave your mind that’ll linger in the back of your thoughts
if you were to stare at it for a while
it might go away
but then it will resurface at the worst time
it can take so many forms as it manifests
sorrow, emptiness, that deep emotion that weeps inside your chest
that thing will continue to lurk in the background within the depths of your life
If you want to take it head on into a battle
and take that step forward
you’ll only be filled with reminders of what haunts your mind when taking a few steps
within that time you’ll start to rethink that maybe making peace with it will just be elusive
but I believe you can do it
you see it, don’t you?
it sits in the corner waiting for you
take those few steps forward
and look at it in the eyes
even if looks daunting and morbid
you can’t let it strangle you with the hands of your past
it may be struggling for you but confront it is the only way to reclaim your control
gain back that sense of peace that was lost
you know that it’s there, right?
so face it

this is a cry for help
i cannot control my fear
i cannot control the sickness
that loves me so dear
^$*{{}|)&##&{:>?"$
this is a cry for friends
people that care
people that really care
they are my dividends
they keep me sane
$&_+|{}:"?<!!#%&^%$(:
this is a cry for someone
someone that feels like me
someone that feels me
someone that likes me
"@^&_+}{":>~!#$~~~$%^&
this is a cry for love
i need you
ill treat you like a dove
you can take the sadness out of me
and ill be back again
^&#:"}||}:"><?^%$^#%$%^&<>~~#$%^&^%&$%

i'm not lazy
i play sports
i do things
i promise you
i'm not lazy

i'm not stupid
i have good grades
i study my subjects
i promise you
i'm not stupid

i'm not a freak
i don't know why
but i promise you
i'm not a freak

i'm not insane
i'm not insane
i promise you
i'm not insane

today
my mother
asked me to try on a shirt
and i said sure
so she said
"take your shirt off"
and i stopped
"will you leave?"
i asked politely, hoping she wouldn't suspect
she bobbed her head
side to side
the universal sign
NO

she saw the red scars on my stomach
the scratches i cut
deep
but not in my skin
she made them deeper
she pretended like they weren't there
but they were
blood red scars
killing me slowly

and i'm shaking
shaking because i dont want to be a ******
i swear mom
i'm not
just help me
please