What I am trying to say is,
I am well aware that it matters not whether I am with or without you;
I will keep moving,
but I much prefer your limbs with my limbs,
and I enjoy the tragedy you think makes you unable to be loved,
and I'm sorry I didn't touch you a little bit longer,
and when you're here I feel it,
and when you're not I feel it too.

by : Alexandra Crawford

I MISS HIM.

AND I LOVE HIM SO ****** MUCH.

empty.

I miss you dad.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"SHE'S DEAD! SHE'S DEAD! I CAN SEE IT IN HER EYES. HER HEART BROKE AND I EVEN CUT MY FOOT ON THE SHARDS."

"I'm going to need you to slow down ma'm. Now tell me, who is it that's dead?"*

"ME!"

(hangs up the phone)

*"Ma'm. Ma'm, is anybody there?"

The day father died.
Momma said I saved her life.

'Cause the rain of pain that came, drove this widow insane.
Death's affair with life,
only brings it to love in vein.

But momma stayed.
For me.
Though life has gone, there's life that's risen.
Listen! Your mind's a prison.
But I set you free.
From the sorrow of tomorrow.
From the tears of the years,
he will no longer kiss us goodnight.
And we'll fight.
Momma we'll fight 'till it's alright.

And we'll smile again.
I'll smile again,
'Cause momma, its your grave I saved.

are you there, god?
or are you having nightmares
about the echoes of children's prayers you couldn't answer?

NO NO NO BUT YOU SEE THEY COULDN'T SCRATCH BENEATH THE SURFACE 'CAUSE OF THEIR FRESHLY PAID FOR MANICURES. AND EXPENSIVE HAND LOTIONS THAT NEVER CHANGED THE ROUGH TEXTURE OF THEIR TOUCH.
I TRIED TO REACH THEIR MINDS BY RUNNING MY FINGERS THROUGH THEIR HAIR. BUT IT WAS COATED IN ARTIFICIAL BYPRODUCTS MANUFACTURED BY THOSE WHO PROCLAIM THAT WE AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH WITHOUT IT.
SO I COULDN'T FIND IT.
I COULDN'T FIND THEIR ROOTS.
I BEGGED THEM TO BREAK A NAIL FOR ME.
THEY NEVER LISTENED WHEN I SAID I DON'T MIND DRY HANDS.
WE'VE NEVER HAD OUR HAIR WASHED.

I SLAMMED THE DOOR SO HARD, THAT IT COULD HAVE FALLEN OFF IT'S HINGES,
THE SAME WAY I COLLAPSE TO MY KNEES SOMETIMES.
I SLAMMED IT WITH THE KIND OF FORCE THAT IT  TAKES ME TO LOVE, AND GOD KNOWS I LOVE WITH THE POWER OF EARTHQUAKES AND TORNADOS COMBINED.

They say "be my valentine."
So we can wine and dine.
We'll fake the beauty of love,
pretentious eternity,
and forevers that are temporary.

He says "I should honour you today."
Let me buy you cards and roses.
Let me feed you strawberries and cream, baby dream.
While this night ignites.
When I know he's only feeding me with lies.

Tells me "I'll show you the seven wonders of the world in one night."
When I know he can never show me one love for the rest of my life.

But I believe.
See God created Adam and Eve, to love as a unity.
But even they took the apple from upon the tree.
And quite frankly,
I don't want a bite at love.

But here I am, holding on to faith and destiny.
'Cause I know my love will come on the day the Lord proclaimed for me.
Not a money-making scheme man has made it to be.

You'll see.
He'll prove.
(God Almighty doesn't need a valentine's day to do it.)

I JUST WANNA BE THE KIND OF BLOODBATH YOU CAN BRING HOME TO MOM.

COME ON.
LET THE WRITERS BREAK THEIR WRISTS AND BLEED THEIR FINGERS DRY OVER SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GIVE A **** ABOUT THEM

because when she was young,

people would ask her

"what superpower,

do you wish for?"

so without any hesitation

she replied "invisibility."

and then,

and then she grew up realising

it came true.

:smile.
:but I can't.
:why?
:cause then it'll mean I'm happy.
:what's wrong with being happy?
:the fact that I'm actually sad.
:sad?
sad from?
:life.
:life.
what about life?
:the fact that I can't end it.
:why would you wanna end life?
:it was never my choice to begin it.
:therefore not your choice to end it either, right?
:the same man that ends the war, is not the same man who begun it.
:silence?
*:thought so.

Is it odd?

That I'm a little bit inlove with Death.
The only lover who would take away my breath.

A man,
far more interested than just my body,
but my soul.
Dust to dust, ash to ash.
My anatomy of coal.

            Please!
Make my heart skip a beat.
So in the pause of silence,
we'll meet.
Or make it beat no more,
And the endless questions will cease,
Like "What am I living for?"

Come Death take me!
And set me free.
For Life,
Well, Life has never let me be.

"Destroy what destroys you." -they said.

**NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I'M IN RUINS.

3 AM type of girl expecting something more from a boy who barely makes it past midnight.

I KEEP TELLING YOU EXPECTATIONS ARE THE DEVIL, AND DISAPPOINTMENT WILL BURN WITH FIRE AT YOUR CHEST, DARLING.

"just go to bed because i'm basically talking to myself" she says.

*YOU SO TIRED OF PEOPLE BEING THERE, BUT NOT REALLY BEING THERE, SO YOU HANG UP, OKAY.

this is not a poem
          
          

                       *just a mere

image
consisting of

                                         straight lines
and curves

' You getting fat. '

Seemed so effortless,
the way in which those words floated off their tongues, and seeped through the opening of their lips.

Only to leave me feeling like a broken mirror.
               S
                  h
                      a t
                              t     e
                                         r
                                                e      d.

It became a melody within my mind.
A song containing the content of bad lyrics, with no warning of parental advisory.
(Because honestly, the mirror spoke more words than momma's mouth ever could.)

' You getting fat. '

If there was any hope for me ever finding ways around that phrase.  
It would be that I was,

getting there.

Not that I had,  

arrived.

"Forgive and Forget."**

We forgive,
but we don't forget.

And that's the thing,
They think because you haven't forgotten,
that you haven't forgiven either.

In the homes of huts and shacks.
There were times I saw the hopefulness that consumed the people among them.

In the homes of built up mansions.
There were times I saw the hopelessness that consumed the people among them too.

And it was then I had to fathom the fact.
That sometimes, just sometimes.

The bad want it good,
             &
the good have it bad.

go on.

starve yourself.

as if you're not already hungry for something your flesh cannot touch.

go on.

starve yourself.

as if you have not already lost enough.

go on.

starve yourself.

as if your ego is more important than your soul.