She grew amongst the twisted branches of the tallest trees.
Tried remembering the days and nights
that often felt like dreams.
Sounded like war.
Smelt like smoke.
Tasted like powdered milk.
Looked like lies.

She ran her fingers along jagged edges,
Following district lines like she followed Brandon.
A peaceful life,
Full of truth.

Truth spirals out of control
When you can’t tell what is truth
And what is a dream that lives
Out of pocket.

But she lived,
So it must have been a good life.
Unable to change the situation,
She tried to change herself.
The loneliest Willow of the trees.

She was manmade,
Formed by the hands of people
Who were just people.
And so her twisted branches tied knots among her roots.

Breathe
2. Laugh
3. Keep moving
4. Color outside the lines
5. Don’t talk to strangers
6. Listen to your big sister
7. Don’t ask questions
8. Shhh
9. Read to escape
10. Wait patiently after school
11. Do everything before being asked
12. Keep secrets
13. Text back quickly
14. Your worth comes from your body
15. Lie better
16. Be cool
17. Be smart
18. Grow up
19. Don’t expect anything
20. Patience is key
21. Stop waiting for rain
22. It’s okay to be hurt as long as you expect it
23. If you want to change, you have to do something differently

As the days inch closer
So do we.
He always took himself so seriously,
Even once we no longer did.

One year separated by a handful of pills,
By the milestones he has missed,
By a new man in an old home.

One year tied together with tears,
And not a lot of hope.  
With laughter,
And really mean jokes.

I long for you in the morning
When my eyes are still shut tightly
And your scent lingers in the sheets.
I long for you in the morning
And again in the lonely nights.
You softly whisper in my ear:
I long for you in the morning
When my eyes are still shut tightly.

The creatures that lurk in the night
Cover most of the road, unless you have on your lights.

To save ourselves from the river,
Everything takes effort.

Nothing is given to you,
But the ripples around rocks
Pointing to drowned dreams.

As the moon washes over me,
So does your face.

I try to hear your voice-
Try to quiz myself.
Like you were once my favorite meal,
And now I can only somewhat remember the taste.

I try to rest longer-
To rest more.
If I could only live behind my eyes.
Then I wouldn’t have to miss you, and my grief would be done.

But instead, you slip away each morning,
Creeping out with the sun.

1.a special handshake between the two of us that he would accidentally try with others.
2. his favorite cereal bowl. a pink egg with a bunny painted on the inside.
3. the reality tv show we’d watch for hours, just to talk **** about.
4. a crisp hundred dollar bill.
5. the van that he sat in for hours.
6. a 47 second phone call to tell me he was proud of me and my poem.
7. not enough pictures.
8. his hair and face staring me down in the mirror.
9. a lifelong aversion to drug addicts
10. the van that held him as he took pill after pill in a parking lot.
11. an empty feeling home that was once filled with him.
12. a little sister who saw too much, who feels too much.
13. his anger as i watch my mother move on faster than i can fathom.
14. $85 a week in therapy bills.
15. a lifelong attraction to drug addicts.
16. dreams like my subconscious is testing to see if i remember his face still.
17. not enough videos.
18. a loneliness i couldn’t have imagined.
19. a big sister, full with the future that he was supposed to love.
20. the answer to my lifelong, unasked question.
21. guilt.
22. a little green jar that makes me feel more hallow than not.
23. not enough.