I have always been helpful.
I still remain to be.
The adults growing up always said
”she’s such a joy to have around what a great girl”
I shared everything I had
I was more than happy to share
any or all of my things for all of my life
I was five listening to whatever my family wanted
My food, a toy, a blanket I was using, anything.
As a teenager me and my two sisters continued to grow apart
They were always closer with one other
Then I ever was with a single one
We were only 2 years apart from each other.
Even when I was five I was the way I was because
I felt like no one ever wanted me around
So maybe if I gave myself they would
I remember my oldest sister telling me to go hide in a box
I would ask why and it would be a reply of
“Just. because. I want you to” .
It never felt lonely It might of been I never was
I was always kept company by the thoughts in my head
Of “How do I get my people to want me around”.
I remember being 14 and asking my sister if she wanted
Some food I was making
She said she didn’t not
so I only made one portion for my self
Then I gave it to her and started over when she got hungry.
This process repeated for years with my sisters even my mother joined
This didn’t feel like a problem with my friends
I was more than happy to go to your car and grab your phone
To give anyone anything for events
I don’t know why I loved doing it
Maybe it might be my fault for giving up everything for I was raised in a world
where everything was my fault.
I was blamed for everything growing up
My sisters could say anything and they believed it.
Even their friends, mine, our parents
No questions asked
Sure, I was rightfully accountable maybe WHEN I WAS EIGHT
I don’t think people believed in me.
I think the worst part of this behavior going on is I scarcely get anything in return
I dont really know if I want any benefit from it
It makes me happy when I do it for friends.
I was never a people pleaser
Just a person who didn’t want to be alone
and in that I had to find ways to make others think I’m useful.
Jan 19
Jan 19, 2026 at 1:55 AM UTC
I have always been helpful.
I still remain to be.
The adults growing up always said
”she’s such a joy to have around what a great girl”
I shared everything I had
I was more than happy to share
any or all of my things for all of my life
I was five listening to whatever my family wanted
My food, a toy, a blanket I was using, anything.
As a teenager me and my two sisters continued to grow apart
They were always closer with one other
Then I ever was with a single one
We were only 2 years apart from each other.
Even when I was five I was the way I was because
I felt like no one ever wanted me around
So maybe if I gave myself they would
I remember my oldest sister telling me to go hide in a box
I would ask why and it would be a reply of
“Just. because. I want you to” .
It never felt lonely It might of been I never was
I was always kept company by the thoughts in my head
Of “How do I get my people to want me around”.
I remember being 14 and asking my sister if she wanted
Some food I was making
She said she didn’t not
so I only made one portion for my self
Then I gave it to her and started over when she got hungry.
This process repeated for years with my sisters even my mother joined
This didn’t feel like a problem with my friends
I was more than happy to go to your car and grab your phone
To give anyone anything for events
I don’t know why I loved doing it
Maybe it might be my fault for giving up everything for I was raised in a world
where everything was my fault.
I was blamed for everything growing up
My sisters could say anything and they believed it.
Even their friends, mine, our parents
No questions asked
Sure, I was rightfully accountable maybe WHEN I WAS EIGHT
I don’t think people believed in me.
I think the worst part of this behavior going on is I scarcely get anything in return
I dont really know if I want any benefit from it
It makes me happy when I do it for friends.
I was never a people pleaser
Just a person who didn’t want to be alone
and in that I had to find ways to make others think I’m useful.
Two poems in a night! Sorry that its a longer one
Request permission to use this poem