#helpful
I have always been helpful.
I still remain to be.
The adults growing up always said
”she’s such a joy to have around what a great girl”
I shared everything I had
I was more than happy to share
any or all of my things for all of my life
I was five listening to whatever my family wanted
My food, a toy, a blanket I was using, anything.
As a teenager me and my two sisters continued to grow apart
They were always closer with one other
Then I ever was with a single one
We were only 2 years apart from each other.
Even when I was five I was the way I was because
I felt like no one ever wanted me around
So maybe if I gave myself they would
I remember my oldest sister telling me to go hide in a box
I would ask why and it would be a reply of
“Just. because. I want you to” .
It never felt lonely It might of been I never was
I was always kept company by the thoughts in my head
Of “How do I get my people to want me around”.
I remember being 14 and asking my sister if she wanted
Some food I was making
She said she didn’t not
so I only made one portion for my self
Then I gave it to her and started over when she got hungry.
This process repeated for years with my sisters even my mother joined
This didn’t feel like a problem with my friends
I was more than happy to go to your car and grab your phone
To give anyone anything for events
I don’t know why I loved doing it
Maybe it might be my fault for giving up everything for I was raised in a world
where everything was my fault.
I was blamed for everything growing up
My sisters could say anything and they believed it.
Even their friends, mine, our parents
No questions asked
Sure, I was rightfully accountable maybe WHEN I WAS EIGHT
I don’t think people believed in me.
I think the worst part of this behavior going on is I scarcely get anything in return
I dont really know if I want any benefit from it
It makes me happy when I do it for friends.
I was never a people pleaser
Just a person who didn’t want to be alone
and in that I had to find ways to make others think I’m useful.
Jan 19
Jan 19, 2026 at 1:55 AM UTC
back in the zone, back to facing my darkest shadows,
refusing to settle for outdated versions,
choosing to confront, not run
here is where I meet myself, without the judge,
with more understanding,
and unconditional love,
because if there were no struggle,
to some degree,
how would I even begin to know the real me?
Apr 10, 2025
Apr 10, 2025 at 10:00 PM UTC
Never hesitate to lend a hand,
If you help someone back to their feet,
They'll remember it when you need a hand.
Don't let todays morals get in the way,
Nothing replaces a good old Jack of Trades,
Traveling to make things change.
Mar 19, 2025
Mar 19, 2025 at 2:46 PM UTC
In this world, I find myself alone,
surrounded by a chaos of troubles,
including my own
and you expect me to stand strong
as everything crumbles,
because you want me to help you atone?
I am a dancing light through the darkness
for many, it seems, through their stress.
My heart grows weary,
yet I remain humble,
as you plead for me to protect.
Through all of your worries and woes,
I stand with you, and I oppose;
But when all is resolved,
I'm left to struggle
as life deals me blow after blow.
Why is life so ominously wicked
to those who are giving and committed? Through it all,
my priorities are juggled
and from my time you greatly benefit.
But these questions keep manifesting
in my mind:
Why do I care so much,
and why am I so kind?
Why must I carry everyone's burdens
when they do not feel inclined?
©️Lizzie Bevis
Nov 6, 2024
Nov 6, 2024 at 10:13 AM UTC
Like a drug taken for a quarter century, this writing doesn't help like it use to...
See,
I'm starting to feel like it's working against me
Holding me here in pain and misery
Cleverly disguised as creativity
I use to lie and say it was a way to get rid of all this negativity
But I've spilled so much blood and tears onto stationary
...and not even purely metaphorically...
I should be completely empty
Hell, I think I might be
I think it's moved onto draining my energy
Can I still call this writing therapy?
Is it healthy or does it keep me from a new me?
Holding tightly but in spite of me
Hiding a different side of a complex personality
A new level of maturity
Is it actually helping any?
Today it's hard to say, but maybe
Unfortunately, it's something I'm good at, a skill I enjoy and I don't have many
So I've begun to notice I look at it differently
It was suppose to help me let go of the painful unpleasantry held in many a memory
But it woke a part of my ego that I didn't know would grip so tightly
It might have been a mistake to rely on it so heavily
It's no longer moving along the story
No cautionary tales to learn from because they never become history
It becomes a bookmark that I don't use properly
I never move it to the page I left off on and now, I must admit openly, I'm doing it purposely
I keep the worst of me right next to me, close as a frienemy
All because I notice I DON'T write when I'm happy
And I like to write so I dance around emotions strategically
I don't know if it's anything worth saying but writing is calling and drawing me in closely
A ghostly presence that when I look closely I see my identity
It hasn't always been but is now a big part of me
But does it want all of me?
Can't say either way with any certainty
No AH-HA moment, no clarity, only a death grip on disparity
So I recklessly walk the line of happy and tragedy
Like a DUI test on the side of the freeway, drunken pageantry
Eyes closed usually
No thought of mine or anyone else's safety
Dangerously close to calamity
And I just worry
©2024
Jan 3, 2024
Jan 3, 2024 at 6:32 PM UTC
I’m here to admit,
That you are my medicine.
I’m on my knees,
Begging you not to leave.
Baby I’m really on the ropes this time,
Wake me up when they build a time machine.
So I can search and look,
Just to find you in my life earlier.
But no excuses,
I got this feeling in my bones,
That you’ll be the one to set me free.
Thank you for the happiest year of my life princess.
Sep 13, 2019
Sep 13, 2019 at 5:09 AM UTC
Life is a garden
plant your seeds.
Remove those of
whom are weeds.
Aug 18, 2019
Aug 18, 2019 at 10:21 AM UTC
Is it good to be strong?
Is it bad to be weak?
Is it wrong to fit in?
Or right to be unique?
Are you selfish if you want help?
Are you selfless if you give it?
Is there altruism in amicable lies?
Or selfishness in a fake smile?
Do you even know who I am?
Do I?
You always have both hands out ready to help anyone who needs it
I want to be like you, and I’m starting to see opportunities, but where you act on them, I do not. I guess that means I’m
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 9:16 PM UTC
Truly it inspires me to visit the ether on which you pen.
To speak of things of who I am,
and of my times of "when".
To see the universes you've painted all revolving there.
To understand that not all voices,
are tainted by despair.
In a universe of darkness no shadow could I see.
Shouting words into the pitch,
I thought only heard by me.
I take the time to thank you all whether you write or read.
For in my place of darkness,
you have planted starlight's seed.
Mar 21, 2019
Mar 21, 2019 at 1:15 AM UTC
I won't do anything,
To help those in need,
But I beg and plead,
Put the weight on a stead,
To carry me,
Into a sight to see,
Of all this hatred,
This pain,
This suffering,
"Solved" by me,
Although I can,
Help a lot,
I have before,
Haven't been caught,
I just don't,
Wanna take credit,
For others work,
And then forget it,
I wanna be remembered,
In a friend's heart,
For a welcome embrace,
Or a friendly start,
Not the one,
Who made them feel ****
About their insecurities,
Then say I fixed their heart.
Mar 15, 2019
Mar 15, 2019 at 10:32 AM UTC
Personal problems consume me,
nobody gets the fears I have.
The clock counts away the time to live,
ticking before I know the true feeling of love.
The clock is about to fall off the wall
and lose all of it's time.
Jan 11, 2019
Jan 11, 2019 at 12:47 PM UTC
Have you ever considered that what you're going through is not for you
it's for those watching for how you respond?
Give them hope.
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 12:56 PM UTC
The kindness of strangers,
An unimaginable force,
Stopped by nothing,
It is the kindness that we need not ask for,
The door held open,
The friendly hello.
We rely on people we have never met.
And they answer our silent cries for help.
Nov 13, 2018
Nov 13, 2018 at 3:41 PM UTC
Sometime the best nights sleep comes
When you spend the day being
Humble
Selfless
Helpful
Sympathetic
Nov 10, 2018
Nov 10, 2018 at 8:32 AM UTC
They say it could be the Bible; the manual on dealing with defeat. Composed on top of Calvary, where they often let me sleep. But they ****** me and kicked me out, at around book thirteen;
- “You’ll never understand, until you’ve fought in World War Three”
My heart is no good, and my hands are tired from fighting; I tricked myself into thinking I was worth something
Oct 16, 2018
Oct 16, 2018 at 11:24 AM UTC
Years ago I wrote on
how I would always be there
for every birthday of every person
I have never had the chance to meet.
I faithfully stand
by my words
that each person's birthday
I wish to cherish your day
the life that you have.
It is only through compassion,
understanding, and appreciation
that we can all come to realize
how interconnected we truly are.
So today is my birthday
but today I give you my hopes
and these are not for myself
to have the best day today,
but for you my friend to have the best of yours.
May 20, 2018
May 20, 2018 at 5:38 AM UTC
Have you ever wanted to change the world?
Would you make it better?
Would you make it happier?
Or would you just make it easier?
Would you change it for good?
Or maybe for evil?
How would you change it?
Would you do it to change your image?
Or to fall in love?
Or maybe to just make that one person smile?
Would you end all wars?
Would you feed all hungry?
Or would you house all poor?
Why would you change the world?
Do you want to be the hero?
Or the villian?
There are many things we want to change,
Whether in our selves,
Or in others.
Some are greedy,
Some are humble,
Some just want peace.
With many things,
We would want to change,
It’s okay if the only thing you change,
Is yourself.
May 18, 2018
May 18, 2018 at 1:41 PM UTC
Sometimes it is better to delete the person with the messages. Wash their toxic touches off one by one. Cry until you drench the image of them. Scream until you can no longer hear their voice and Erase their name from your brain. Say their name over and over until their name loses flavor. So when someone says their name in a conversation you no longer know who they are talking about.
Feb 11, 2018
Feb 11, 2018 at 1:08 PM UTC
M: Mischievous, your bad side
I:Intelligent, the best side of you
C: Cheerful,a presence of joy
H: Honest, as always
A: Adventurous, always willing to
E: Exclusive, your personality
L: Lovable, you always care
Michael, one in a million
Feb 19, 2018
Feb 19, 2018 at 5:44 PM UTC
You look me in the eye, and slowly turn the knife,
And im sure you have the best intentions to antagonize my life,
You throw the knife and use your hand terror in your eyes,
For you cant see your tries to help, is what makes me want to die
Dec 30, 2017
Dec 30, 2017 at 11:58 PM UTC