Things are going good
Almost great even
I am working again
My health improved
I'm writing a book
I have love
I'm engaged
My best friend is by my side
So why
When i sit down at night
Do i feel Empty inside?
Why do I only dream of
Every time you made me cry
Why is my mind circling lost memories
Of abuse and lies
I don't cry anymore
Or speak of what's on the inside
My philosophy of showing it all
Is gone
I'm running a marathon
To escape my inner self
To escape my emotional health
It used to help
Crying
Punching things
Letting it show
Letting it out and letting it go
But truth is
I can't let it go
When i look back
It hurts
Ever so
Who the **** does that to a child
Their own flesh and blood
Who does that to a innocent little smile
And never apologize
Never regret
Who tells them to just forget
Lets them get *****
By friends of the family
Take their side
I'm nothing
You wanted me to be
Who does that to a sister
A friend
Who makes them so damaged
They can't even pretend
Reality is cruel
It's all i do
Sit down and listen
To the screams around
The world burning
It's my favorite sound
I love being torn
To the ground
My bodies been clenched
For 28 years
I came out the womb with every fear
My mission in life
To grind my teeth
Til i die
To bite my inner lip
And drink the blood
To rip my skin
And release the flood
I am hanging on a rope for my life
I've always been
Since i was 4 or maybe 5
Or before I can remember
Sometimes i want to let go
But I could never
What's down below?
Joy?
Laughter?
Love?
Confidence?
Security?
And all the wishes from above?
I can't handle that
I only know blood
You taught me that.
It's all i can love
I don't cry anymore
I can't make it happen
I've closed that door
Locked it tight
Out of sight
If i ever open it
It'll drown us all
It'll never stop flooding
The water will rush
With rage
And crush
Every **** cage
You locked me in
Going further
The rage will continue
In all it's sin
I'll become immortal
Just to let the anger win
Destroying all of humanity
And in between
And even then
I won't win
I'll still be clenched to the rope
Living in fear
Barely hope
I'll still be angry
And want to cry
I'll still be sad
And afraid to die
I don't cry anymore
Because simply
It won't end.
If i start again
It'll go forever
The anger won't stop
How could it ?
Every time I remember
How satan was in my childhood
I get angrier
At all the good
In your lives
How could i forgive
Such sick ******* lies
The abuse when i was only 5
How could anyone live
A normal life
For all you did
You never even thought twice
I was a tool
You were a knife
Cutting deeply
Taking life
Throwing me away
When I couldn't sacrifice
Any more
So now
I'm happy
And i want to dance
Everything is sweet
And tender romance
Embracing my dreams
And my inner truth
Friendship and marriage
And the fountain of youth
But I don't understand joy
It was never in my youth
I only understand pain
And all evil truths
I only think of death
And what it may do
I wish i could just go dancing
And forget my youth
But even the biggest joy
Is a reminder of you
And the rope you've made me cling to
Nov 26, 2025
Nov 26, 2025 at 8:59 PM UTC
Things are going good
Almost great even
I am working again
My health improved
I'm writing a book
I have love
I'm engaged
My best friend is by my side
So why
When i sit down at night
Do i feel Empty inside?
Why do I only dream of
Every time you made me cry
Why is my mind circling lost memories
Of abuse and lies
I don't cry anymore
Or speak of what's on the inside
My philosophy of showing it all
Is gone
I'm running a marathon
To escape my inner self
To escape my emotional health
It used to help
Crying
Punching things
Letting it show
Letting it out and letting it go
But truth is
I can't let it go
When i look back
It hurts
Ever so
Who the **** does that to a child
Their own flesh and blood
Who does that to a innocent little smile
And never apologize
Never regret
Who tells them to just forget
Lets them get *****
By friends of the family
Take their side
I'm nothing
You wanted me to be
Who does that to a sister
A friend
Who makes them so damaged
They can't even pretend
Reality is cruel
It's all i do
Sit down and listen
To the screams around
The world burning
It's my favorite sound
I love being torn
To the ground
My bodies been clenched
For 28 years
I came out the womb with every fear
My mission in life
To grind my teeth
Til i die
To bite my inner lip
And drink the blood
To rip my skin
And release the flood
I am hanging on a rope for my life
I've always been
Since i was 4 or maybe 5
Or before I can remember
Sometimes i want to let go
But I could never
What's down below?
Joy?
Laughter?
Love?
Confidence?
Security?
And all the wishes from above?
I can't handle that
I only know blood
You taught me that.
It's all i can love
I don't cry anymore
I can't make it happen
I've closed that door
Locked it tight
Out of sight
If i ever open it
It'll drown us all
It'll never stop flooding
The water will rush
With rage
And crush
Every **** cage
You locked me in
Going further
The rage will continue
In all it's sin
I'll become immortal
Just to let the anger win
Destroying all of humanity
And in between
And even then
I won't win
I'll still be clenched to the rope
Living in fear
Barely hope
I'll still be angry
And want to cry
I'll still be sad
And afraid to die
I don't cry anymore
Because simply
It won't end.
If i start again
It'll go forever
The anger won't stop
How could it ?
Every time I remember
How satan was in my childhood
I get angrier
At all the good
In your lives
How could i forgive
Such sick ******* lies
The abuse when i was only 5
How could anyone live
A normal life
For all you did
You never even thought twice
I was a tool
You were a knife
Cutting deeply
Taking life
Throwing me away
When I couldn't sacrifice
Any more
So now
I'm happy
And i want to dance
Everything is sweet
And tender romance
Embracing my dreams
And my inner truth
Friendship and marriage
And the fountain of youth
But I don't understand joy
It was never in my youth
I only understand pain
And all evil truths
I only think of death
And what it may do
I wish i could just go dancing
And forget my youth
But even the biggest joy
Is a reminder of you
And the rope you've made me cling to
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