I just don’t understand how I can still possibly love you to this extreme of an amount. How could you Diani. After everything. I know we weren’t perfect and there were problems but I always knew that I wanted to be with you forever. I really meant that. And I know I got angry and sad but you dont understand how hard it was for me. But this feeling I feel. I am soul crushed and I don’t think I can recover. My whole body and spirit is in so much unbelievable pain every single day and it doesn’t go away. You’ll never understand how deeply I love you and how I can’t live with myself knowing I lost the only thing the best thing that’s ever happened to me. How much I really was doing everything I can to change and do more to show you that I’d do absolutely anything for you. You were my best friend and God **** it Diani I don’t feel like myself with you. I know I’m late and you’ve found someone and he makes you happy but this is absolutely torture to me. Because all I can think about is everything we have done together but it’s him instead in my memories. I know that you’re never going to come back already. I know you don’t like to see me hurting. But you left me so alone and broken. And all day everyday all I can think about is wanting to talk to you and tell you that I’m so sorry for everything more than you can even imagine.I know it doesn’t change the past but how am I supposed to just watch you fall in love with someone. When all my life all I could ever want was to be with you. Even when you hurt me, lead me on, don’t have my back I still ******* love you no matter what. That’s why I always angry with you because I just can’t ever understand how you don’t feel how I feel. I would walk away if self respect but you’d make me promises and I’d believe you and you’d still lie to me. Let your family treat me like that. How could you not see me in pain and help me instead of letting me always do everything alone. Your house is filled with things I’d do to support you. I was so angry that you didn’t care enough to do things in fear like I did. Moving in to a place where I got your family arrested. Following you to college and everywhere else. How can you not understand that everything was to get to this point in our lives just for you to give it to someone else. Do you not remember who we used to be and how special it was? Because I do. I could never forget. I lost friends and family for you. Changed for you. Waited 10 years for you, 6 years straight only texting no video games. Because that’s how absolutely special you are to me. So telling me to just move forward and forget it all is an insult. Because I can’t just go be with someone else when I swore a vow that I’ll be yours forever. You didn’t mean it but I did. I may have left but I don’t know what else you wanted me to do but I always came back even when I knew you wouldn’t have my back and I’d be the one to figure it out. Because when love is real it finds a way back. So here I am. 10 years later. Loving you even when you clearly don’t love me at all. So yeah Diani. I’m not okay and I haven’t been this whole time. I’m still learning. Remember Diani. Remember it all? How it felt when in those moments they were worth everything and we couldn’t be happier. I miss my best friend. You are my home. I just don’t know what to do anymore and I feel so insecure, lost and alone. Don’t you know who I am? Do you remember at all?
May 14, 2023
May 14, 2023 at 6:55 PM UTC
I just don’t understand how I can still possibly love you to this extreme of an amount. How could you Diani. After everything. I know we weren’t perfect and there were problems but I always knew that I wanted to be with you forever. I really meant that. And I know I got angry and sad but you dont understand how hard it was for me. But this feeling I feel. I am soul crushed and I don’t think I can recover. My whole body and spirit is in so much unbelievable pain every single day and it doesn’t go away. You’ll never understand how deeply I love you and how I can’t live with myself knowing I lost the only thing the best thing that’s ever happened to me. How much I really was doing everything I can to change and do more to show you that I’d do absolutely anything for you. You were my best friend and God **** it Diani I don’t feel like myself with you. I know I’m late and you’ve found someone and he makes you happy but this is absolutely torture to me. Because all I can think about is everything we have done together but it’s him instead in my memories. I know that you’re never going to come back already. I know you don’t like to see me hurting. But you left me so alone and broken. And all day everyday all I can think about is wanting to talk to you and tell you that I’m so sorry for everything more than you can even imagine.I know it doesn’t change the past but how am I supposed to just watch you fall in love with someone. When all my life all I could ever want was to be with you. Even when you hurt me, lead me on, don’t have my back I still ******* love you no matter what. That’s why I always angry with you because I just can’t ever understand how you don’t feel how I feel. I would walk away if self respect but you’d make me promises and I’d believe you and you’d still lie to me. Let your family treat me like that. How could you not see me in pain and help me instead of letting me always do everything alone. Your house is filled with things I’d do to support you. I was so angry that you didn’t care enough to do things in fear like I did. Moving in to a place where I got your family arrested. Following you to college and everywhere else. How can you not understand that everything was to get to this point in our lives just for you to give it to someone else. Do you not remember who we used to be and how special it was? Because I do. I could never forget. I lost friends and family for you. Changed for you. Waited 10 years for you, 6 years straight only texting no video games. Because that’s how absolutely special you are to me. So telling me to just move forward and forget it all is an insult. Because I can’t just go be with someone else when I swore a vow that I’ll be yours forever. You didn’t mean it but I did. I may have left but I don’t know what else you wanted me to do but I always came back even when I knew you wouldn’t have my back and I’d be the one to figure it out. Because when love is real it finds a way back. So here I am. 10 years later. Loving you even when you clearly don’t love me at all. So yeah Diani. I’m not okay and I haven’t been this whole time. I’m still learning. Remember Diani. Remember it all? How it felt when in those moments they were worth everything and we couldn’t be happier. I miss my best friend. You are my home. I just don’t know what to do anymore and I feel so insecure, lost and alone. Don’t you know who I am? Do you remember at all?