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newmoonPoems
I am sad. I am lonely. I am anxious. I am scared. I am useless. If someone asked me "what do you like to do?" I'd have nothing to say Because all I do is listen to music and scroll through Instagram like a loser Picture of that one girl group that have been friends since elementary, scroll. Selfie of a girl who I used to know, scroll. Picture of a girl and her boyfriend at the beach, look at it Scroll. God, I wish that were me. It makes me want to pull out my hair when I realize how talentless and stupid I am I want to be part of that cool kid group. But they never glance my way. I want to date someone, but I've hardly ever been in a real relationship. Who could love me? Who would love me? But it will never happen, at least not what I fantasize about; the romantic in me. Holding hands, they walk me to class. But no, stop, I am too afraid. And I am not beautiful. And I've never kissed anyone I'd been close, once, but it was at a middle school dance and I said "no" But maybe I regret that now. I remember I gave that boy a polaroid of myself, feeling as if I was in a movie I wonder where it is now. But a first kiss, I wanted to save it for someone special but that'll never happen now Nobody would want to kiss me, let alone someone "special" I am just so afraid But I want love love love love Why has that been the only thing I've looked for my entire life? I can't even make friends How will I get a lover? The word lover, I hate it I listen to sad songs about love, and feel their sadness as well How? I don't know Laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, I wish I could be someone else Someone who could be loved and not manipulated, like I so easily am Why do I attract narcissists? And people who use me I just want to find someone, someone true Is that so impossible? For me, I suppose it is The only reason someone would love me is because I can never say "No" or get into a fight. Because I'd be scared Scared they'd leave me Because all I am good at is being nice and never say no And that's the only reason someone would want me I can't play hard to get, I don't think I ever will be able to I don't want to be me. I don't want to be so afraid. I don't want to be so unlovable. I don't, I don't, I don't I could go on forever. Sometimes I try to think of my future but I can't think of anything at all It's just a blank spot in my brain. I don't know anything, it's so sad Now that high school is almost over, I feel I have wasted it. It was nothing like the movies I watched in middle school. It's wasted, there's nothing I can do I'll never get asked to prom, no one I like will like me back I'll never have a best friend I know it I know it. I want to be in a tiny studio apartment, looking out into the city at night, watching the people below my window Knowing I could never be that Have fun like that Without worrying and feeling disgusted with myself. Am I really that unlovable? I'd hope not, but I know it's true If only I could be a regular teenager. Everyday feels the same. I get excited on Fridays, but why? To sleep in? I have no friends to do anything with, no plans I always wanted to feel included but I know it'll never happen, I'll never be part of a big friend group or even a small one All the ones I've had, we went our separate ways And it's too late now, Too late now. I just want love, it's all I've ever looked for And to be that girl I always wanted to be But even that girl, I don't know her either All I know is that she is beautiful Unlike me.
0
Nov 1, 2019
Nov 1, 2019 at 9:05 PM UTC
Anxiety / Love / Sadness
I am sad. I am lonely. I am anxious. I am scared. I am useless. If someone asked me "what do you like to do?" I'd have nothing to say Because all I do is listen to music and scroll through Instagram like a loser Picture of that one girl group that have been friends since elementary, scroll. Selfie of a girl who I used to know, scroll. Picture of a girl and her boyfriend at the beach, look at it Scroll. God, I wish that were me. It makes me want to pull out my hair when I realize how talentless and stupid I am I want to be part of that cool kid group. But they never glance my way. I want to date someone, but I've hardly ever been in a real relationship. Who could love me? Who would love me? But it will never happen, at least not what I fantasize about; the romantic in me. Holding hands, they walk me to class. But no, stop, I am too afraid. And I am not beautiful. And I've never kissed anyone I'd been close, once, but it was at a middle school dance and I said "no" But maybe I regret that now. I remember I gave that boy a polaroid of myself, feeling as if I was in a movie I wonder where it is now. But a first kiss, I wanted to save it for someone special but that'll never happen now Nobody would want to kiss me, let alone someone "special" I am just so afraid But I want love love love love Why has that been the only thing I've looked for my entire life? I can't even make friends How will I get a lover? The word lover, I hate it I listen to sad songs about love, and feel their sadness as well How? I don't know Laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, I wish I could be someone else Someone who could be loved and not manipulated, like I so easily am Why do I attract narcissists? And people who use me I just want to find someone, someone true Is that so impossible? For me, I suppose it is The only reason someone would love me is because I can never say "No" or get into a fight. Because I'd be scared Scared they'd leave me Because all I am good at is being nice and never say no And that's the only reason someone would want me I can't play hard to get, I don't think I ever will be able to I don't want to be me. I don't want to be so afraid. I don't want to be so unlovable. I don't, I don't, I don't I could go on forever. Sometimes I try to think of my future but I can't think of anything at all It's just a blank spot in my brain. I don't know anything, it's so sad Now that high school is almost over, I feel I have wasted it. It was nothing like the movies I watched in middle school. It's wasted, there's nothing I can do I'll never get asked to prom, no one I like will like me back I'll never have a best friend I know it I know it. I want to be in a tiny studio apartment, looking out into the city at night, watching the people below my window Knowing I could never be that Have fun like that Without worrying and feeling disgusted with myself. Am I really that unlovable? I'd hope not, but I know it's true If only I could be a regular teenager. Everyday feels the same. I get excited on Fridays, but why? To sleep in? I have no friends to do anything with, no plans I always wanted to feel included but I know it'll never happen, I'll never be part of a big friend group or even a small one All the ones I've had, we went our separate ways And it's too late now, Too late now. I just want love, it's all I've ever looked for And to be that girl I always wanted to be But even that girl, I don't know her either All I know is that she is beautiful Unlike me.
#sad#highschool#love#anxiety#sadness#loneliness#fear
newmoon
Written by
newmoon
F
Nov 1, 2019
Nov 1, 2019 at 9:05 PM UTC
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