I want the trees to shake from my screaming!
I want to bite through my own jaw!
I want to claw all the skin off my body!
To break everything & hit everyone
So just let me ******* be alone.
I want to kick the boulders off the mountains!
& push the ground away from my feet!
To rip the trees up like carrots from the ground!
Bang my head against the pavement!
& curse every bad name at everyone!
But then I get sad
I get sad and I cry
I cry because I can’t believe I ever thought those thoughts
I can’t believe I ever wanted those things
I’m good
I-I-I shouldn’t think like that
I love this world
I don’t want to hurt myself
I don’t want to hurt anyone else
I love my family
I-I-I love my friends
They did nothing so wrong as to deserve this
They don’t deserve this
I’m sorry
I-I-I’m sorry
Oct 18, 2017
Oct 18, 2017 at 1:02 PM UTC
I want the trees to shake from my screaming!
I want to bite through my own jaw!
I want to claw all the skin off my body!
To break everything & hit everyone
So just let me ******* be alone.
I want to kick the boulders off the mountains!
& push the ground away from my feet!
To rip the trees up like carrots from the ground!
Bang my head against the pavement!
& curse every bad name at everyone!
But then I get sad
I get sad and I cry
I cry because I can’t believe I ever thought those thoughts
I can’t believe I ever wanted those things
I’m good
I-I-I shouldn’t think like that
I love this world
I don’t want to hurt myself
I don’t want to hurt anyone else
I love my family
I-I-I love my friends
They did nothing so wrong as to deserve this
They don’t deserve this
I’m sorry
I-I-I’m sorry
This poem is my raw thoughts while I am in a state I refer to as a "breakdown." These have happened for at least three years consistently anywhere from twice every-other week to twice an hour and can last from 2 minutes to an hour. Writing this poem is how I figured what they are. Finally!
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