#mentalbreakdown
Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts,
My mind, my body it -rots-
As I rot I think, who’s done this to me?
Whoever it is, is now my enemy.
To be so cruel, so harsh,
As to make my mind feel like -marsh-
But now as I lay in bed,
I realise, the only enemy I have is my head.
Oct 2, 2020
Oct 2, 2020 at 3:49 AM UTC
I feel like I’m at the rock bottom of my life, feeling so worthless and all i do is blaming myself. I feel like I’m insane to hold the pang in my chest, the pressure of this world madness. Drowning in the deep of miserably and despair. Everything seems not in the line, so overwhelmed , and the hatred towards me has been growth. I don’t even know who i am, or where i am.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- it terrifies me, that i'm getting lost and neither can save me.
May 11, 2019
May 11, 2019 at 6:55 PM UTC
I can't stop
Accelerating my the second
Salty tears are flooding my eyes
Air stuffing my windpipe
Each breath is spiralling upwards
I feel it all at once
Years of hungry pain rushing into me
The sorrow is starving for my cries
So it pulls and twists and stabs
My voice is muted
Death is craving me more and more
Longing to meet again
To bleed me dry
And drain me away
Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 3:23 PM UTC
I want the trees to shake from my screaming!
I want to bite through my own jaw!
I want to claw all the skin off my body!
To break everything & hit everyone
So just let me ******* be alone.
I want to kick the boulders off the mountains!
& push the ground away from my feet!
To rip the trees up like carrots from the ground!
Bang my head against the pavement!
& curse every bad name at everyone!
But then I get sad
I get sad and I cry
I cry because I can’t believe I ever thought those thoughts
I can’t believe I ever wanted those things
I’m good
I-I-I shouldn’t think like that
I love this world
I don’t want to hurt myself
I don’t want to hurt anyone else
I love my family
I-I-I love my friends
They did nothing so wrong as to deserve this
They don’t deserve this
I’m sorry
I-I-I’m sorry
Oct 18, 2017
Oct 18, 2017 at 1:02 PM UTC
(a conversational tone, because I'm sick of being mature)
I have resorted to living under the four gray walls and ceiling
because even though this room still reminds me of you,
It reminds me of a lot of things.
therefore, this room isn't primarily of your memory...
****
Last year around this time I'm sure you were still prodding around
I revisited the place I was on my birthday when I got a text from you
you said I was being an attention *****
but then you proceeded to ask to come over
you were weird.
the field of the festival
where we escaped for a second to breath
the graveyard we went to
and there were two headstones, side by side
that had my name, yours
we laughed about it,
you joking that we were going to burn each other out so much
that the gravediggers dug our ditches early
i drive past your place all the **** time
how is that good for my mental health?
mental health
I've been thinking about my mental health a lot lately
it shouldn't be healthy that after almost two years
i'm still hurt by you
my friends don't say i'm crazy
but i see it in their eyes
the shallow glances they give each other
i know i'm losing it;
one simple push away from a mental breakdown
lol, it's coming
once i fall, i'll fall back to you
who knows if you'll be there to catch me after all these months of not talking
of you wanting me dead
of me wanting to be
of you finding other lovers
of me not
of me knowing you're out there, that you're in my head
no,
how do i recover from that
when my entire head has been dedicated to the galleria of memorabilia from a lover I can't seem to get over
Feb 28, 2017
Feb 28, 2017 at 10:17 AM UTC
So
Much Contained
Inside.
Time
Bomb.
My
Mind
Blown Wide.
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015 at 11:38 PM UTC
I already knew
Even before I got to know you
You had suicidal thoughts
Every now and then
One can't really hide from me
Because I could see
Behind that mask
That doesn't even last
For I have been in your shoes
But I guess I lack compassion
I didn't know how to show it
Hopefully
You get through
Cause I still have hope for you
Apr 20, 2015
Apr 20, 2015 at 10:22 AM UTC
I binge write,
Like an addict relapsing from ******
I wake at 4:13 in a cold sweat
Because somehow words have become more important than sleep
Jun 13, 2014
Jun 13, 2014 at 2:16 AM UTC