I guess we never had a resolution, no obvious end. I never was quite sure whether to be happy or sad.
Now I know,
I am angry I am furious I can't even formulate just how heartbroken I am.
Losing you was losing the one person who kept me sane, you understood where I stood…or so I thought.
And friendships are never 50/50 that I understood quite well, when we first met I was there for you with everything I was there
And yet I can't say the same for you.
I always pulled my 80/20 without complaint because I wanted you to be there; alive and well.
But so it seems, I couldn’t be given the same courtesy. Because when I was lying on my bathroom floor about to down a bottle of pills you weren’t there, and you weren’t there when I needed to release my thoughts, and you weren’t there you weren’t ******* there.
Apparently when I gave you my all my love apparently when I allowed myself to be drained of everything that was me Apparently that wasn’t enough to convince you I was worthy of you, apparently I hadn’t done enough to be able to fall apart within your grasp and for you to ******* notice and not let me shatter on the floor. Apparently, I wasn’t clear enough when I said I wanted to die.
And now I’m destroying everyone I love because nobody ever taught me how to love that.
And now I’m destroying myself because nobody ever taught me to love that either.
Sep 1, 2017
Sep 1, 2017 at 9:06 PM UTC
I guess we never had a resolution, no obvious end. I never was quite sure whether to be happy or sad.
Now I know,
I am angry I am furious I can't even formulate just how heartbroken I am.
Losing you was losing the one person who kept me sane, you understood where I stood…or so I thought.
And friendships are never 50/50 that I understood quite well, when we first met I was there for you with everything I was there
And yet I can't say the same for you.
I always pulled my 80/20 without complaint because I wanted you to be there; alive and well.
But so it seems, I couldn’t be given the same courtesy. Because when I was lying on my bathroom floor about to down a bottle of pills you weren’t there, and you weren’t there when I needed to release my thoughts, and you weren’t there you weren’t ******* there.
Apparently when I gave you my all my love apparently when I allowed myself to be drained of everything that was me Apparently that wasn’t enough to convince you I was worthy of you, apparently I hadn’t done enough to be able to fall apart within your grasp and for you to ******* notice and not let me shatter on the floor. Apparently, I wasn’t clear enough when I said I wanted to die.
And now I’m destroying everyone I love because nobody ever taught me how to love that.
And now I’m destroying myself because nobody ever taught me to love that either.
Now that that's sorted I can focus on other feelings I've been ignoring :)
