Why am i so far
away
constantly?
I cannot
always breathe
or always think
or always feel
and I am not
one to disassociate
when there's still something worth
associating with.
but I ask why,
why am I like this?
why do I hide
curl into a ball
sob incoherently.
when I know perfectly well
why.
you curl into a ball to protect your face
to hide your vulnerable parts
loud noises make me flinch
loud voices make it worse.
conflict sends me spiraling
I can see my carefully
constructed
sanity
slipping away.
I'm a fraud.
I construct fallacies.
falsehoods about being sane
and good
and kind.
about having a moral compass
that always points north of wrong.
I am cruel within my judgments
I am jealous and snarky.
I am quick to jump
to conclusions
and assumptions.
I cry too easy,
I anger too quickly.
I am an unstable inferno,
either constantly burning at a calm lull
or blazing and consuming
all in my path.
I am a storm siren,
and within the rain and winds
that bring the fall of man,
watch the chaos
descend.
and if only/
if only/
the woodpecker sang
the bark on this tree
was just a little bit softer
if only/ if only
sang the wolf from below.
I would like
the rain
to stop.
Sep 11, 2016
Sep 11, 2016 at 2:49 PM UTC
Why am i so far
away
constantly?
I cannot
always breathe
or always think
or always feel
and I am not
one to disassociate
when there's still something worth
associating with.
but I ask why,
why am I like this?
why do I hide
curl into a ball
sob incoherently.
when I know perfectly well
why.
you curl into a ball to protect your face
to hide your vulnerable parts
loud noises make me flinch
loud voices make it worse.
conflict sends me spiraling
I can see my carefully
constructed
sanity
slipping away.
I'm a fraud.
I construct fallacies.
falsehoods about being sane
and good
and kind.
about having a moral compass
that always points north of wrong.
I am cruel within my judgments
I am jealous and snarky.
I am quick to jump
to conclusions
and assumptions.
I cry too easy,
I anger too quickly.
I am an unstable inferno,
either constantly burning at a calm lull
or blazing and consuming
all in my path.
I am a storm siren,
and within the rain and winds
that bring the fall of man,
watch the chaos
descend.
and if only/
if only/
the woodpecker sang
the bark on this tree
was just a little bit softer
if only/ if only
sang the wolf from below.
I would like
the rain
to stop.
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