I can feel you looking down at me
Because I dreamed of being a mother as a kid
But why should I change my past, so you’ll be satisfied
That I’m just as tough and handsome as you?
I don’t care, I know I’m not a stud
And I was never truly jealous anyway
As long as I ignore my thighs and pretend my pecs aren’t there
I can mentally punch you in the face.
When you smile it makes me turn away
You’re just too happy for me with your perfect, straight teeth
You’re too strong, way too strong for me
Your presence is overwhelming
Your hair is more messed up than my future
Your shirt is more torn than my self esteem
And don’t get me started on my height
Cos to me you’re taller than a ******* tree
And I can’t take (no I can’t take)
All this madness that I see
It’s taking away my individuality
When you smile it makes me turn away
You’re just too happy for me with your perfect, straight teeth
You’re too strong, way too strong for me
Your presence is overwhelming
If you’re the sun (whisper) I’d rather be in darkness
If you’re my heart, I’d rather tear you out
Cos I’m not perfect and I’d rather never be
I’d rather be a girl but still be me
When you smile it makes me turn away
You’re just too happy for me with your perfect, straight teeth
You’re too strong, way too strong for me
Your presence is overwhelming
So go flexing all you want, I’m not obsessed with you anymore
Mr Perfect, you’re more like Mr Weak.
15th August 2016
Aug 15, 2016
Aug 15, 2016 at 12:55 AM UTC
I can feel you looking down at me
Because I dreamed of being a mother as a kid
But why should I change my past, so you’ll be satisfied
That I’m just as tough and handsome as you?
I don’t care, I know I’m not a stud
And I was never truly jealous anyway
As long as I ignore my thighs and pretend my pecs aren’t there
I can mentally punch you in the face.
When you smile it makes me turn away
You’re just too happy for me with your perfect, straight teeth
You’re too strong, way too strong for me
Your presence is overwhelming
Your hair is more messed up than my future
Your shirt is more torn than my self esteem
And don’t get me started on my height
Cos to me you’re taller than a ******* tree
And I can’t take (no I can’t take)
All this madness that I see
It’s taking away my individuality
When you smile it makes me turn away
You’re just too happy for me with your perfect, straight teeth
You’re too strong, way too strong for me
Your presence is overwhelming
If you’re the sun (whisper) I’d rather be in darkness
If you’re my heart, I’d rather tear you out
Cos I’m not perfect and I’d rather never be
I’d rather be a girl but still be me
When you smile it makes me turn away
You’re just too happy for me with your perfect, straight teeth
You’re too strong, way too strong for me
Your presence is overwhelming
So go flexing all you want, I’m not obsessed with you anymore
Mr Perfect, you’re more like Mr Weak.
15th August 2016
This is about what I think of society’s expectation of how ‘real’ men should look, and it’s even more damaging for a trans guy to be compared to ‘Mr Perfect’ because his body can’t come close to being like Mr Perfect’s due to its unique structure. I don’t I want to have giant muscles, brick shoulders and all the ‘chicks’. I just want to be a better version of myself, maybe a bit taller with slightly broader shoulders but I don’t want to be a different person altogether, that’s the point of transitioning: to stop trying to be a woman because that is definitely who I’m not. Thanks to anyone who understands this poem and continues to let me be myself instead of insinuating that I need to be Mr Perfect to be me :)
Title: Sunflower refers to Mr Perfect, Mother refers to my nature which is not shameful and doesn’t undermine my identity. It’s good to care about other people.
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