When did I become so fond
of the blush and the delay
That comes as the result of a few
Good
Strong
Drinks.

When did I start to like having
An excuse
For the
Stupid
Things I do.

The burn of the drink
The blur of the drink
Blurs the lines
Blurs the memories
Blurs the feelings.

Was it when I started questioning
You?
Was it when I realized that I'd shut off
The feeling of missing you for so long
That it just stopped existing at all?
Was it when I promised myself to you
In a hurry?
The same way you gave me the ring?
Was it when I didn't acknowledge that I wasn't ready yet.

Or was it a long long time ago
Was it before I was even born
We all know it's in my blood
But I did so well ignoring 'my destiny'
For so long
For so long that I didn't care.

Did I not care?
Or was I just too worried about you and her to care
Was I just putting off caring
For the day that
I didn't care
Anymore

When did I become so fond of this haze