is it right to still call this love?
being in a relationship is to make each other better but i can assure you i've never been worse and i'm afraid it's never going to get better. i keep telling you it will all be okay and that everything happens for a reason but i can't tell you how many dark hours i've spent trying to find that reason. you've hurt me so badly i've run out of feelings. i just want to feel something. i'd ask you to punch me but i think the back stab was enough of a wound to my body. to others, your weapon may only look like a butter knife but i'd just like to say if you stab someone hard enough, no matter what you use it hurts like a *****. since you were the one holding the knife it hurt worse than falling into hell. so recently ago i thought you fell from heaven. i kept saying he's too good to be true. did i find my perfect guy? i guess i spoke a little too soon. you were too good to be true and i think it's time to get my vision checked bc through my eyes i still see you as the one. i was thinking long term for us but now i'm not so sure if i was in love with you or the idea of us. i'm sorry for questioning that but why would someone you love do that to you? still searching for the answer. i think i'm finally done bleeding out but let me just say i lost a lot more than just blood last night. this **** on my chest is huge i don't know how you made it so large. i just want you to help me mend it. but you can't because you're still shaken up from the damage you've done. i'm the one lying in the hospital bed but you're the one who's crying. i don't know what else to tell you. how often do you hear about the victim apologizing? i can say this is no normal case but i still need to hear you defend yourself. i keep looking down at where my heart was and i can't seem to find anything there anymore. i really need you to be here for me but you aren't. i don't know where to go but for some odd reason i want you by my side at my next destination. i know this is going to scar. i don't think it will ever go away and you told me if that's what i believe i should just quit. but how do i walk away from a guy like you? i'm staring at the facts but the more i look the more it seems your mistakes are being erased by the idea of the man i thought you were.

i'm sorry for getting blood on your shirt.

please tell me you still love me.