Someone once told me-
"you have too many problems for me to deal with"
and as the words made their way down my throat
into my stomach making a mockery of my digestive system
I was shaken.
The butterflies in my stomach wanted to fight back
tell them that "these problems are who I am so *******"-
but my mind shut out the butterflies and began thinking.
Tore apart who I was inside my own mind
my eyes began to water as they were looking into his
but I laughed instead of crying and didn't let my insecurity win
No, not that time- so I replied
"everyone has problems"

The boy I love once told me-
these feelings I possessed were more like a "burden"
rather than the blessing I made them out to be
and the butterflies began once again
demanding to be heard until the regurgitation made me listen.
I stood upright, cried until my knuckles bled
this was happening, all over again.
So I changed myself for someone who I thought
knew who I was and as the times changed
the darkness fell upon me much sooner than expected
and the love I thought I felt for him almost vanished.
But I realized I cannot push everything into someone
who doesn't want to carry the burden with me
and although the weight is heavy
I have carried it 19 years alone and struggling...
And yes, I now carry your weight with me too
on top of these burdens I own yours are not too far behind-
because with love comes sacrifice and strength
and I guess I'm just stronger than you.
So thank you-
for showing me the one thing I always really knew.
These emotions and struggles I possess do not make me weak-
I am not the burden or the nuisance around your neck
I am strength and the light that comes with early sunrise.
I am stronger than most and it scares people.

So as these problems shake me,
push me to the edge and tell me to jump-
I will clench my teeth as I clench the bottle
and I will clench my fist as it hits the wall.
I will remember the hole I just created
is a reminder I am strong
the bottle I just threw to the ground
is a reminder I am strong.
The silence of my cell phone
when everything is going wrong
and you have just too much going on-
is the constant reminder, I am strong.