you were my bad influence
you got me drunk and sat me down in the grass when I got the spins and when I looked up you were staring at the stars yelling through a smile with clouds of breath coming out of your mouth
you were my risk taker
you brought me to an abandoned asylum and giggled as we ran through the halls, and cackled as we ran from the police
you were my music
we were on my brother's bed enveloped in smoke so thick I couldn't see you and all I could do was bob my head to the sound of your chuckle
you were my safety
every time my mom hurt me you were right there to let me know someone loved me and someone was there
you were my first heart break
you were my first hospital visit
you were my first funeral
you were my first burial

I still remember the way your whole face was put into your smile and your laugh
I still remember your skin lit up with stars and moonlight and your snore in my bottom bunk and the way your voice cracked when you said my name and the way your laughter echoed through every room and every person you encountered. thank you so much for allowing me to know someone as perfect as yourself. thank you for being so many of my firsts. I'm so sorry it was you.