I keep sleep scarce these days
Like a broach pressed against my chest.
It's walls collapse upon my lungs
Causing me to gasp with tight, choppy breaths.
Like the tide crashing up against my body
It tempts me
And then drifts back out to sea.
Nightmares of courtrooms and funerals plague my mind
His hands ascending in the dark
His face nonexistent
His heart similar to his face.
He is there
And then suddenly
He is not
He is a mirage
And I am in the desert
Faking my way through these delusions.
So I try to keep myself steady
By slumbering in small intervals.
Self-induced insomnia has never tasted so good
Cigarettes and coffee are my stimulants
Keeping my brain running
Like shoes hitting hot pavement
Until it's soft face meets the asphalt
And I can no longer continue.
So I stay there, knees ****** like the tattered rags of my soul
But I continue to tell myself that my bullet wounds are merely scratches
Maybe minimizing the monsters in my head will make then vanish
Maybe deflecting from the demons in my soul will make them scatter
Maybe telling myself that these tyrants are not here will make them go away
So I retreat once again
As I child wishes to shrink back into it's mothers womb
Into the night
Into the brokenness
Into the dark.