I don’t believe in growing up
I’m still a schoolboy pratt
Whenever I see bra-straps
They just fidget to be snapped.

Sunburnt brit:
It’s the new colour
In the Dulux range this summer.

If dogs had people’s thumbs
And people had dogs’ tongues
Would they be texting messages
While we were sniffing bums?

The cutest thing is when confused
Mummy’s little soldier
Waves the skirt of truce.

I guess there was a last time
I sat on daddy’s head
And grabbed on tight to his greying hair
As he led me by the legs