I can feel it in my hands simmering deep in my stomach I'll be 26 and have just lost the 5th "love of my life" so I'll grab a knife, then decide a shot to the head instead or I'll be 32 with a newborn and a happy home but something in me won't work so I'll take a whole bottle of Vicadin determined to leave but not make a mess or I'll be 55 looking back on a life an exwife, a long road of forgotten dreams then put a noose 'round my neck and jump hung from a second story porch beam I don't want to **** myself but I feel it in my hands simmering in my stomach clawing at my ribs a self wrought end to a laughing kid who I think died a long, long time ago