i find myself filled with
zealous animosity
while observing the happy go lucky
faces of holiday revelers
i'm overtaken by a jealous urge
to deflate their wonderment and joy
                            somehow, someway

   would tripping one of them
as they walk by me
be too obvious
   would swiping the candy cane
from a rosy cheek brat
give away my true state of mind
   would throwing tomatoes at the parade santa
label me as a scrooge

these thoughts haunt me
i despise being eaten away by the exact frame of mind
i wouldn't tolerate from others
only the year before

hopefully this unintentional insanity
is short lived
hopefully my emotional strength of wills
will ground me...once again
for this me is not the me i want to spend
the remainder of my days with