I stare into the glass on the wall
A stupid square glass
But I do not see the glass, I see myself.
I see a reflection of myself in the glass on the wall;
I see a grin stretching across my entire face;
I see constellations connecting ideas in my eyes.
But I do not feel like that girl staring back at me.

I feel like the dark side of the moon-
The side that no one sees,
The side people forget about.
I am the leftover thanksgiving turkey in the back of your fridge,
The turkey that goes bad after months of sitting there,
Alone.
But I try to force myself back into the world,
Move myself forward in the fridge of life.
Maybe they will remember me then.

I go out.
I make plans.
I cancel plans.
I make more plans.
I make more plans that I do not want to go to.
I make plans with people that I do not even like.
I feel bad about not liking people I should like.
I feel bad about not knowing people I want to like.
I am too afraid of knowing people I like.
I am afraid they will shun me from their cool lives because
I am simply not cool.
I am afraid people will see my backside, my dark side, my secrets.
I fear people will worry.
I fear people will worry about things I do not want them worrying about.
I fear people will not stop talking to me when I want to be alone.
Because all I want to do is be alone,
Because it hurts and I do not want them to see me hurt.
But I want help.
I want them to notice me.
I want some share of the sun that I deserve.
But maybe I don’t deserve it.
Maybe I am meant to be alone in this world just like I always have been.
But I keep screaming in my room
“PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!”
And I complain to my friends about my loneliness,
But I deny their invites when I get the chance
Because I want to be alone.
Everything that goes through my mind is confusing and unexplainable.
And I just want it all to stop, to go far, far away.
But then it gets silent and in the silence I begin to worry.
And I realize that when the depression is gone, the anxiety comes back.
And I realize I need a home in between but I am stuck on shifting poles.
All I want to be able to do is to open my mouth and tell someone,
I need help from you.