‘Why do they call it Goblin Castle?’
I asked my friend, Carstairs,
We sat, gazed up at the battlements,
‘It’s a hell of a way up there!’
I knew that the Lord and Lady Crane
Had been living there, forever,
‘It used the be called the Castle Bleak,
But Goblin Castle... Never!’

He bit his lip and dismounted, and
We tethered the horses fast,
Went to sit by a hollow tree
And squatted, sat on the grass.
Carstairs had worked for the Cranes for years
So he knew the ins and outs,
Of every tittle and tattle there
In that massive, noble house.

‘It happened just when the Lady Crane
Was only a maid in there,
Before the Lord had taken a shine,
And offered his hand to her.
Her name was Jenny de Quincey
From some distant, noble blood,
But all she had was the noble name,
Her folks were as poor as mud.’

‘There were places there that she shouldn’t be,
There were places that were barred,
The servants said that its history
Was more than battle-scarred.
They whispered rumours of little folk
Who had roamed about in the past,
Had stolen goblets and golden plate
But they’d all died out, at last.’

‘She ventured down to the dungeons, where
They’d kept the local churls,
Back in the days of taxes, that
Were paid to the Lords and Earls.
She expected to find them empty, but
Then further along the hall,
She found a dwarf, just two foot four
Who’d long been chained to the wall.’

‘The dwarf had a sickly pallor that
Looked green in that eerie light,
A monstrous forehead and bulging eyes,
And he gave the maid a fright.
He said he’d been chained a hundred years,
That he came from a local tribe,
‘Of Goblins, Hobs, and Gnomes,’ he sobbed,
But the rest had not survived.’

‘Jenny was wearing a golden chain
That he came to the bars to see,
For goblins love the glitter of gold,
Are rabid for jewellery.
He snatched the chain and he backed away,
Clutched it against the wall,
‘You’ll have to bring the key to the cage,’
He said, and she was appalled.’

‘She brought the key the following day
And opened the rusted gate,
She didn’t know quite how strong he was
But she found out, all too late!
It wasn’t only the glitter of gold
That the goblin had in mind,
But to draw a veil on part of the tale,
I think would be more than kind.’

‘She luckily married the Lord that week
So it wasn’t a total mess,
She started to show, that womanly glow
And the Lord had thought him blessed.
But the truth came out when the heir was born
With a face that glowed pale green,
With bulging forehead and flapping ears,
And the biggest eyes I’ve seen.’

‘They keep him down in the dungeon, in
A cage, right next to his Pa,
While she’s locked up in the tower room,
Has never got out, so far.
It used to be called the Castle Bleak
And it lived right up to its name,
But now it’s called the Goblin Castle
Of Lord and Lady Crane.’

David Lewis Paget