at the edge of oblivion
not knowing if I should
surrender  or continue living
the way I have for a while
which is only half living

it's easier to keep doing what doesn't work
than ask for so I can change and try something new
but my own mind convinces me I got this
even though I am slowly falling apart physically
and dying on the inside

I am on the edge of oblivion
stranded with my worst enemy
me

I am desperate enough that for the first time
in my life I ask for help and actually take the help
without dictating what form that help takes

this all happened over 3 years a go
and today I have a life I never imagined
all it takes is for me to be willing to continue
to ask a power greater than me for help each day
and then be willing to take the help that comes my way
sometimes it means I have to put my willingness into action
or just simply sitting in silence and waiting

I am no longer suspended
but connected into the fabric of life