i love him so much but i just can't live this life anymore where i am always wondering where he is. what he's doing. what he's thinking. he is so far away from me all of the time, and it feels like all of this fight is for [what]?

i crave him. and i love him. but is love ever enough? is love ever enough to keep me sane? i wish he were here to shut these thoughts up, i wish for him to reassure me that things are okay but i am just so insecure and scared and so ******* horrified all of the time

i love you so much, and i am so scared to hurt you
but i'm hurting. all of the time. i'm really in a lot of pain, baby.
i wish i was being dramatic but not a day passes where i don't cry
just
wishing for you.
longing for you.
waiting for you. i cannot do this anymore, baby boy, even though
i love you so.
i really can't, no matter how much i tell myself i will wait
i keep feeling my heart break every day just waiting for you.

you are worth all of my time in the world,
but these trust issues that have knotted in my belly
keep whispering that i mean nothing to you
and that im just your anchor at home while you play
with all of the fish in the sea.