The night time inspires my honesty
As it inspires my madness
My demons face me with burning eyes
And I spill my secrets in
A true voice which only emerges at 3am
I understand everything in the dark
I know why you’re leaving again
I know why I can’t do anything these days
Why the world is such a terrible place
Why I am such a poisonous being
That not even those I love can tolerate me
Or love me to the same degree
I know why I once exorcised my heart
I wish I had never reinstated it
I know why I’m addicted to things
That seem like insanity to you
They take the pain away for a bit
Of loving and losing and living
Eternally abandoned and betrayed
Of never being the right decision
I know I’m never good enough
By night I can understand it
But that doesn’t make it stop
So I grasp my demons by the hand
Anything to escape these visions
Of hurt and loss and a life wasted
Of the hands that held mine
Of those who crushed me into the dirt
And left me to die or carry on
Worse than before and now under starlight
I see why I am so **** trapped
Once I fix upon something I cannot give up
I suppose that’s why I am still stupidly
In love with you and who we were
I let myself believe I could be forgiven
But now alone I watch the moon
I know why I’ve been cutting up my skin
And numbing myself in any way
That would help me escape
Just a little respite from the crushing deep
The sadness I bear as a cross
Carried heavily upon my fragile back
I know why I let demons into
My lungs and breathe them in willingly
I know as I sit in the dark
I am a plague upon this earth
I am a tornado spinning so recklessly
Through life that I devastate
Those who dare to get close to me
I know why they all leave me in the end
I prayed you would be different
For a while it seemed I was living out
My heart’s desire but I am alone now
Once again my only company
Is sickness and devils and destruction
And I understand it completely
But I still burn and ache from it daily.