Ever since you left
I haven't wanted to feel anything
except fire
because you lit one in me
and then decided
you didn't like the way it felt
so you didn't want to stick around
to take care of it
So I drink to feel the burning in my throat
I smoke to feel the burning in my lungs
I cry to feel the burning on my cheeks
I am trying to use what you began
to start a forest fire within myself
spreading out of control
until there is nothing left
until I extinguish every part of you
But no matter how much I burn
it doesn't help
I am turning myself to ash
one bad decision at a time
But I'm hoping
that maybe once I've burned myself up
I will rise again
as a phoenix
and maybe then
my tears
will be able to heal me