Tonight on my lonely walk back
From your house
I thought about how
****** up
Everything's become

And how my heart
Is being wrapped in your web
So delicately spun
And while the lovers
Laugh with the moon
I'm walking home

Through the melting
Blackened snow
Over the glistening sidewalk
That reflects the dim streetlights
And my heart pounds in
My throat

I thought about how
Disappointed my parents would be
If only they knew

If only they knew
What rested between the skin
Of my chest and the
Padding of my bra
If only they knew
The green pill
With the 52 engraved

Was meant for me

To rid my head
Of all those words
You burned into my brain
Years
Ago


I thought of love
And how I will die alone
I thought of life
And how I waste it
I thought of music
And how it will never
Sound the same

I thought of her voice and her eyes and her
Bright LED smile

I thought of that girl
The smart one I loved
The dork who wasn't ashamed
To admit to her love of Xmen
I thought of the comic book nerd
The homework loving book smart
A student

I thought of
Who I was
Then
And who I am now

And my God, despite everything,
I thought of us.

And how I wished that the boy
Selling me drugs
Was buying me flowers
Instead.

But that's not how
It goes.

You've stripped me of any hope in romance.

And now
The only thing I believe in
Is amphetamines laced with
Guilt.